Hi guys,
I 6 months post treatment- WLE, 6 x FEC and Rads. thankfully thats all treatment needed. Hair is growing and things looking good. But i am desperatley trying to move on with my life- by getting a job and making plans, but not having much luck.Everyday is a constant battle to be positive and today don’t feel have the energy to carry on today, so i going into town. All my friends seem to have so much going for them and lots to look forward to i.e good jobs, moving house, having children. I feed up with carrying this heavy feeling around with me all day. Anyway feel better now for getting that of my chest. I am normally a positive up beat person, I feel that if i did not get BC then things would have been different and would not be in this situation. But I am the only one who ca pull myself out. Just feel that I have done enough fighting now want to take it easy for a bit. Anyone else have days like this?
Hi Nadia
We are in such similar boats. Am 14 months post diagnosis and finished rads in early December. Currently having Herceptin. I am back at work - semi full time - but still get really tired.
I completely understand where you are coming from. I feel like I have turned into a total hag since I finished treatment. I became quite adept at being cheerful Cancer Girl while I was sick and people could see that I was getting on with it, trying to keep a smile on my face and trying to make it easier for everyone around me to deal with it.
Since finishing treatment I have felt very under pressure to be ok. Not so much in my immediate family, but certainly among my friends. They stopped calling as often, don’t seem to understand that sometimes I will be down and need them just as much as I did when having chemo etc and that sometimes I dont’ want to have to ask or explain myself I just want them to be there. I feel quite left behind - lots of friends have had promotions or children or whatever and now somewhere I have to figure out if the old me is still in there somewhere.
I also feel like I’ve had my quota of support and understanding etc and now I’m expected to just get on with it again and get over it to a degree. One friend said, when I said I was tired, “Well that’s totally normal, everyone is tired, that’s not just exclusive to you.”
Most of my friends and family have been great, but I do think that the ones that aren’t affect me more as I feel guilty and a bit of a failure to be honest as they make me feel like I’m imposing. I feel a bit like people think less of me as I’ve not coped as well as everyone thought I would (i’m quite a chirpy person and was able to laugh about a lot of this some of the time)
I feel like I am the only person who can fix this and I need to stop moaning and get on with it. But it is exhausting. I don’t have any magic answers - sorry! Just wanted to empathise really and say hello! Have been having counselling which I think is helping me not be too hard on myself or other people, but it really feels like a long journey and to be honest I’m sick of it by now and would just like to be fine again!!
xx
Hi Lizalou,
Thankyou for your reply and i sorry that you feeling down too:-(
It is just nice to know that there is someone who understands. How many more herceptins have you got left? i sure this is can be qutie testing for you at times because, although you are over a majority of the treatment, the visits back t the hospital brings all the memories back.
i tried counselling a while ago and found it did not help me- i think the lady thought i was whinging on- maybe i will try again.
i think that all the while through chemo and rads etc, you concerntrate on being strong and ‘getting through’ and then when it’s over you are expected to get back into the real world like ‘normal’. when all you reall y want to do is shout and scream!
i think at times like this you realise who you can rely on and some friendships are changed, i have realised that some of my friends too, do not call as often and other people have the attitude, ‘you’re ok now, back to normal’. which makes me angry… but they can not understand.
i to feel like a failure and a loser sometimes, especially when I feel that I can not move away and move on. Some days are harder than others and the end of the tunnel seems far away. We just have to allow ourselves days like this and take each day as it comes. my best wishes and empathy to you.
xxxx
hello!
Hope you’re feeling better today. I am slightly perkier - it’s so up and down! I finish Herceptin in August, I think I’ve got another 8 or something.
I was meant to have another counselling session this morning but didn’t go as I was so flipping tired…so good for body but not so good for mind perhaps. Ah well.
Have decided to try and concentrate on doing things that make me happy and spending time with people who make me feel good and try very hard to let things go rather than letting things get to me. When I’ve been angry I usually end up feeling sad which is a total rollercoaster.
It’s exhausting but we’ll get there and at least the sun is shining I guess!!
xx