Hi Vertangie
Thanks for all your help
We did go to the sea and it was very nice - good idea as I have to get out more
am definitely much perkier today
lots of love
FizBix xxx
Cally, you have not come back to the thread, are you OK? I hope it helps to know that we are all riding this roller-coaster along with you, even if we are miles apart from each other. having a laugh one minute, ranting against the world next, boo-hooing…
Let us know how you are, Zoe x
Hi , yes still here , thanks for asking !
I saw my oncologist today and he suprised me by saying he thought I was one of his more anxious clients (all of my friends say I am very calm and getting on with it)
I suppose its because he sees me in a hospital environment and I ask a lot of quesions about stats , recoccurence etc. I have been down recently in myself - pretty bad and I’ve been wallowing in it a bit but I know its a real up and down thing with me - all I need is reassurance all the time.
He did say to me that the people who fare best are ’ at ease with their disease’ so thats what he’s telling me to do and I know exactly what he’s saying but its getting there.
I think my feelings are normal , and cant believe anyone can be given a diagnosis , go through treament (I am on the rads now) and not have real uppers and downers. He thinks I am carrying on as normal for my family and OH but carry this dark cloud with me - I have to agree I think about BC a lot of the time . Am I normal ? Its part of my life now and am looking forward to the day when the longer I go on after treatment the happier and more reassured I will be . I dont want to think this way who does but its just getting there, how do you manage it ? I think I am doing ok considering , so his comments suprised me.
Cancer has been such a big part of my life and my husbands (we have lost both sets of parents , 3 were in their 50s to cancer ) I was 18 at the time with my mum . Its a very real fear which I know I have to deal with and park it and carry on with my life and not let it take over. A mother died at my daughters school of BC recently and its all of these things which bring the fears back.
Anyway I’m all for looking forward and being positive , not waiting for bad things to happen so am working on it . OH gets it in the neck along the way but think hes used to it now !
(also my twin sister is emigrating to Australia and whereas I would be pretty devastated normally , I am pretty ok about it (as I have bigger fish to fry ) but its probably all adding to the old stress levels )
Cally xxx
Hey Cally.
I can’t imagine what it’s like having it so close to home. I’m the first one in my family to have BC so I feel like I bought a curse in. No one has said that outright but I sense they think it.
I saw my onc for the first time yesterday and have felt really low since, it’s been a struggle to pick myself up. I know the numbers were actually quote good but they weren’t as good as I thought so I feel cheated. On top of that my friends and family are all really busy right now. My mum’s a vote counter in the elections and most of my friends are at a close friends wedding so only 1 person has phoned to see how I’m doing after my onc visit. On top of that I didn’t really feel confident because I don’t know how the numbers were derived so I’ve been feeling really low in the quiet times.
But having said that I’ve learnt in the last few months that my emotions are swinging up and down and to try and stay in the ups and lets the downs pass by as fast as possible so rather than allow myself to dwell on my numbers (which were better than 50% without further treatment and in the 80s if I do the lot) I decided to look at it like an election, in which case I have a majority.
So I’m just trying to stay busy and do things I enjoy. I think I’ll starts a thread on that on Fun and chit chat actually. maybe see you there.
What makes you happy?
Hi , well I do try to be happy and live for the moment making sure my kids have happy experiences, thats what makes me happy. God I sound like an extra from Angelas ashes but I dont have any real lasting memories of my mum so I really do focus on that for my children. I didnt have an unhappy childhood by any means but as the youngest of 6 we werent as involved with our parents in activities as children are today .
We have just come away to the New Forest for the weekend and the children love just seeing the ponies and wildlife.
I have good stats too so just have to focus on that and as you say stay busy . I dont think anyone has a cheery trip to the oncologist do they ?
Just off to watch mayor results !
Well I’ve just seen the mayoral results and am now pretty sure this is just all a dream… Boris = Mayor. Really!
I didn’t mean to harp on as if there’s nothing to worry about, just that we’re here now and I don’t see any plus to wasting time being p****d off with what life’s dealt us, that said of course there are times we will be. I’m just going to do my best to indulge in the happier feelings.
Lots of love
Angie
hi Cally
I had mood swings after my first FEC but I have been OK since then. As I am normally a bubbly and positive person, to have a negative emotion whether it’s sadness or anger, is really noticable for me and those who know me as it’s the complete other end of the spectrum. My own experience I think I was over emotional because I was stressing about whether my hair would fall out - which it now has done and I have come to terms with it - and whether my insurance company would honour my claim under my critical illness cover - which has now paid out so financially I do not need to stress during my treatment. But aside from personal worries whether related to the cancer or whether related to other people, remember you have had a sh1t load of horrible drugs pushed into your system, they are bound to affect how you feel.
Those who know and love you will understand if you are not always your usual self and make allowances, hopefully now you’ve had your 3rd FEC you can see an end to it all, as I had my 3rd FEC last monday I now feel there is light at the end of the tunnel. glad you had a nice time at the New Forset.
Does anyone else think Boris reminds them of a Matt Lucas/Little Britain character? I am thinking of the out of work actor who lives in sheltered housing with his siter Kitty whom you never get to see and he eats her meals on wheels?
Hi Clarabel and everyone on this thread , thanks for all your support.
Being away from home is always better for me (need to do it more often! ) I sat in the car with my 7 yr old at dusk in the forest tonight in the silence , saw deer , foxes and the badgers coming out of the set . BC was the last thing on my mind ! Getting back to nature is a good tonic for the soul.
I have had my 3 fec and 3 tax so guess the drugs are working their way out (still have a couple of numb toes though and its been 8 weeks ) I think my mood swings have been exacerbated by the fact I am more likely to say what I think now so am not keeping the lid on the old emotions. It is a rollercoster (another well used expression)
Angie , no you are not harping on , we all want to push the bad stuff to the back and look ahead its just a question of dealing with it when it does surface .
well for once I’ve got to make an effort to get myself to bed early been up since 6 !
Cally x
Hi Cally
I completely agree with "I am more likely to say what I think know " … there have been a few surprises down this end! … and no-one more surprised than me that I said it!
FizBix x
Cally, your messages have cheered me up…when that old black cloud hangs over you it does help to get close to nature. Last week we did a big beach clean-up which really took my mind off my troubles. I have the same feelings as you about my grandchildren, and what would life be like for them if I died. They are such a loving little pair tossed about in a very stormy sea at home, I try to give them a safe haven as much as I can.
Re. Boris - I am speechless - what a buffoon, glad I dont live in London!
Keep fighting Cally, FizBix, Angie, Clarabel, soon be over. (well sort of, people keep asking me if I have had the all clear. Its hard to say it takes at least 5 years for that) Love Zoe x x x