Appointment anxiety

[tinx]

Hey all! 30 year old mum of two here

Around 2 weeks ago I found a possible lump. I’m not super regular with my checks, just kind of as and when I remember. My boobs are really lumpy and bumpy so I find it hard to tell what’s normal.

We have a history of BC in my family anyway and My auntie recently found out she’s got cancer (cervical) and it’s already at stage 4 at the point she found out. So I’ve been hyper aware and thought I was possibly making it up in my head.

Anyhoo, after a trip to the doctor’s she could feel the lump too, hard and the size of a pea, but moveable. She thinks it’s breast tissue but has referred me anyway to be sure.

The point of this post - I’m in a spiral of anxiety.

I was a bit worried when I first felt something but then thought it’s probably nothing. I expected the GP to refer me anyway from what I’d read online so I didn’t really feel that anxious initially.

Then the day after being told I was being referred, i felt anxious about the fact I hadn’t been anxious, because I was like am I blissfully believing this is nothing and it’s going to be something.

Then I was anxious that they will find something and I’m anxious about when I’ll get my letter/appointment date through.

I am Anxious about if they find something and say it’s safe but don’t biopsy to check (will I trust their judgement without an official test result). But also anxious about if they do biopsy and I have to wait another week to find out.

Now I’m anxious that there’s actually nothing there and I’ll look like a fool (obviously we want there to be nothing sinister there, but I mean like if it’s literally nothing there and there’s not even a lump of cyst or anything there and I’ve just imagined it all )

Any tips for handling it? I woke up this morning with a heavy feeling on my chest and feeling nauseous, very hard to keep up the peppyness for my two little humans.

I want to talk about my feelings but also don’t want to worry my family because of my auntie, and I don’t want to tell my friends and worry them because it really probably is nothing.

Am I silly for being this worried about everything? I know most referrals are nothing. The lump feels ‘smooth’ in my opinion but who knows.

Sorry for my ramble

[Tili]

Dear Tinx
We are all so pleased you have come to the forum, we are here to support you,

Firstly, please don’t think you’re a time waster, it’s always better to get checked out, fingers crossed for a good outcome.

Secondly please have a notebook around the house, scribble down anything that is worrying you as we can be all over the place when we get there, however your breast cancer nurse will be with you with lots of support.

There are lots of kind and caring people, who will be around to support you at any time on this forum. Take one day at a time, all very easy for me to say, when you’re feeling so anxious.

Wishing you well with a very big hug from me. Please let us know how you are getting on.

Tili

[tigertot]

Hi there, sorry to hear about your anxieties, and firstly you are experiencing normal emotions. x

If you went to your GP to get it checked and they have referred you, its to make absolutely sure to have it investigated properly. You should hear from your referral with in two weeks. (They are usually quite quick.).

When you go to the breast clinic, They will fully investigate, starting with a mammogram, ultrasound, and usually will do a biopsy.

They will do all the tests they need to do to get the answers.

Like i say its perfectly normal to have the feelings of anxiety. Guarantee there isn’t one person on here who hasn’t felt what you’re feeling right now. Honestly, you’re not being silly. xx

Sending you hugs, and wishing you all the best.
Please don’t hesitate to come back to us, there is so much help on here and I personally wish I had have come on here sooner x🙏

[tinx]

Thank you for your kind words and advice I’ll try writing down my feelings and see if that helps taking some of the weight off my chest!

[tinx]

Thanks so much for taking the time to explain the process and what to expect, and for the reassurance.

I wish I’d had my GP appointment earlier in the week as I may have known my clinic date by now this weekend of not knowing when the appointment is has been LONG.

Do you think I should take someone with me to the clinic? Do most people do that, or only if it’s expected to be bad news?

[JoanneN]

You have done the right thing getting checked out and obviously you have been referred so your GP also wants to make sure everything is ok. It must be difficult for you with your family history. Most referrals end up not being cancer - since I was diagnosed quite a few people have confided to me that they were referred for something suspicious or something was seen on a routine mammogram but were then cleared in second screening . In the event that it is something requiring intervention then it sounds as though you have found it early and breast cancer is a very common disease and in the overwhelming majority of cases treatment is successful . We all know of one or two people who haven’t been so lucky and those are the ones who stick in our mind but we walk past cancer survivors every day without knowing it - there turned out to be two in my social circle .

I made the mistake of telling several colleagues I was going for screening thinking it would ease the worry - it didn’t and then when it was found to be cancer I couldn’t face the questions and ended up going off sick. If you need to tell someone pick a good friend who you can rely on not to tell everyone else .

I attended my appointment on my own - it was lockdown and were weren’t supposed to bring anyone though a couple of women did. However my lovely friend dropped me off then went off for a socially distanced visit with another friend before coming back to get me. I had already been told it was cancer - we didn’t talk a lot about it on the way home but having her there was helpful and with all the tests / exams/ news I was a bit tired anyway. My local hospital doesn’t have full breast services anymore so I was at our regional one and it’s an hours drive.

The waiting is the worst - it’s just a case of taking a day at a time I’m afraid and trying to find something every day that gives you a little joy and gets you out of your head for a few minutes each day . Hang in there and let us know how everything goes. Xx

[tinx]

Thank you so much for taking the time to write Yes my auntie, nan and great aunt all had breast cancer, my aunt on the other side of the family now has the cervical cancer. My cousin’s wife had it too but her doctor didn’t refer her. She paid private (thank god) for a scan and they found it was cancer. So I’m incredibly aware of it, which makes me think the lump is all in my head and it’s probably just breast tissue.

Im actually quite glad to be back to work tomorrow after the weekend, it’ll be a welcome distraction to keep me busy.

I’m thinking of taking my mum with me, but I’ll see what the date is first and go from there.

That sounds like you have a lovely friend there, I’m glad you had someone after the appt. Just the presence of someone can sometimes help can’t it.

Im hoping I’ll get a phone call or letter in the post tomorrow. I had a ‘dummy appt’ set up on the NHS app Thursday saying I’ll be contacted within 3 days with the appt date/time, but on Friday it disappeared so I assumed they may have written to me with a date

[JoanneN]

I hope you get a date soon and I’m sure it’s not in your head but sometimes normal breast tissue can feel lumpy and you need to know if it’s normal or not. I used to treat weekends as days off from cancer - no post , no phone calls or appointments no chance of any new developments . I couldn’t forget about it entirely but it felt like my time was more my own in some strange way . Yes I know I’m lucky re my friend - two of them were amazing . Xx

[tigertot]

@tinx
Hi tinx ,

My advice would be to always take someone with you. It helps to have someone there for support especially if you’re having to wait around between tests.

In my situation, i took my mom, and after tests were done , we could see the breast nurse together to discuss their findings, and what the next steps would be.

I think its important to have someone with you, as you’ll be feeling anxious either way , and it can be difficult to take in any information they tell you good or bad when you are feeling this way. Who ever you take with you can be the second pair of ears, to help you process the info later when you get home.

Please keep us updated, Remember there is no such thing as a stupid question. xx
Big hugs

[Seagulls]

dear worried mum

It’s not surprising you are worried, there is nothing worse than a niggling worry about something that may or may not be serious. of course you are going to worry. This is the best place to come because we have either gone through the worry and come out the other side, or are worried now.

Breast cancer is the most common kind of cancer affecting women and the treatment is disfiguring. In the past women were bullied into having mastectomies by being given anaesthetic, having a test performed to tell if it was cancer or not, and then having surgery - mastectomy was the only option then. A friend of mine refused to consent and they wanted to imprison her in hospital until she signed. Eventually she went and decided to use homeopathic remedies instead.

I wouldn’t recommend this strategy but she’s now well into her 80s and is ill with other comditions but not breast cancer.

Nowadays they don’t treat us quite with quite as much distain, but as mslt surgeons are men maybe they still consider us a little moronic and lacking in sense. I also think surgeons may be a breed of doctor that prefers the patient to do as they are told and don’t question their judgement - and they would perhaps rather we were always under anaesthetic.

Perhaps I am a little biased here, but I did share a flat with a young man once who was studying to be a surgeon who definitely had problems being civil to women. Unlucky for him he could not afford much rent as it was very costly but I have never taken any rudeness from others, hence I am a very rude person myself in certain situations.

At least they are saving our lives or operating to help us have better quality of life, but in my experience they can be oafs.

So can I, so I give it straight back to them with two barrels. I find it surprises them as they are used to frightening people into submission.

Seagulls

[tinx]

I’ve just had my appointment date through I think (says general surgery unit at the hospital on the NHS app) and it’s not until 26th Feb

It’s the one day my baby isn’t in childcare either which means my mum will have to have him and so she won’t be able to come with me

[worrriedmum]

Great, thanks Seagulls. That’s really set my mind at ease

[tigertot]

Have you got a friend or close relation you could take with you?

You still have a little time to think about who would be best to accompany you in the absence of your mum. Its not ideal, i understand. I had to take a friend with me on my second appointment as my mom was away at the time. But much better to have someone with you.

26th will sound an awful long time, I know xx❤️, however its pretty much in the expected time frame.

Try and spend the next two weeks thinking who your back up will be when your mum cant make it. That way you can feel a little more in control about your circumstances.

In the meantime , we’re here to listen if you need to sound off. xx

[tinx]

Thank you so much, I really appreciate your help and guidance. My dad has said he’ll look after the little one (his first time doing it solo!) so my mum can come with me

Otherwise I’d have asked my best friend but she works with me so I’d need to grovel to my manager to let her out of work lol but I should be covered now thankfully.

It’s going to feel like the longest two weeks ever, I’m hoping that now I know the date my anxiety will lessen a little as I’ve literally felt so nauseous and with a heavy feeling on my chest. My sister is visiting the following day (she lives 5 hours away and I’ve not seen her since October) so I’ll count down to that as a more positive thing to look to❤️

[tinx]

My mum now can’t come with me, I’ve asked my manager (so she now knows) and my bestfriend (whom I work with) will now be accompanying me

[tigertot]

Great stuff @tinx well done.
xx👍