Good morning everyone. Today things are feeling much less doom and gloom. i had a call confirming i can have the leukemia tablets so that is also a good sign. I realised that it was the previous Monday i was also tearful so maybe just one of those things to bare in mind each week. i am usually a very possitive person and just got on with things so lets hope the week continues to look better.
Thank you for all your support yesterday and wishing everyone a good, stress free, pain free day.
Hi All
Christine, I’m glad things are a bit brighter for you. I too would describe myself as positive, strong, just get on with it type of person but I think this can just knock us for six. I think this is mostly because it is so out of our control and you have had additional frustrations to cope with. Glad it is good news re the leukaemia tablets. We are all here for each other, onwards and upwards.
I’m with you on showers over baths Fitful, there’s something about lying in a pool of your own dirt that I’m just not keen on! I also get thinking of people from TV as your friends, I didn’t work before all this happened and have been thinking of Mathew Wright (Chanel 5) as an annoying friend of mine for quite a while! Having said that I think not working before has served me well with this as I already have a routine at home so generally I am able to keep busy and pass time. Good luck with the results from your surgery, I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you.
That’s it I’m off to google garden swing beds! X
Had my first chemo, EC, via picc line yesterday. Everyone at the hospital was kind and helpful. The actual administration of the chemo was a surprisingly friendly affair. Hope I see the same people next time.
While I don’t feel well, it’s not yet anywhere near as bad as I’d feared. The anti-sickness meds are working ok. I get tired of being told to “stay positive”, as though forcing myself to look on the bright side will cure all. It’s working medication that’s made me feel positive.
i don’t expect chemo to be a breeze - time will tell - but I wish I hadn’t scared myself silly in advance.
Hugs D
x
Hooray! News just in: clear margins achieved - no more surgery for the moment 
Very, very pleased as next stage would have been full mastectomy (which I would have done if needed… am just so glad it is isn’t).
My initial lesion was just behind my nipple and the first surgeon I saw cheerfully announced that might want to consider a full mx (for a 20mm lesion) as the nipple would need to go. On the advice of my cancer care nurse, Sarah, we spoke to a different oncoplastic surgeon who said that it should be possible to save the nipple, and by Jove, I think he’s done it! It’s taken two attempts to get the slippery little bastard, but the initial cancer’s gone.
In other exciting news, I’ve also managed to score a pair of golden Converse high tops from TK Maxx - the only pair, and in my size, thank you very much - so this is going down as a Rather Good Day for me. I hope you all have lovely evenings and gentle mornings and I will see you all on the other side of my chemo pre-assessment tomorrow.
Dorabell
i think we all expect chemo to he the most horrible thing out and i for one was expecting the worst. At least when it isn’t so bad we are grateful. No chemo is easy on the body or mind but it sounds like your first experience was a positive one.
All the best wishes
Hi Fitful, Gold converse, sound lovely and a TK max bargain, has to be good. Great news about your clear margins, I’m really pleased for you x
Dorabel so pleased your chemo wasn’t as bad as expected. I have my second on Friday and am keeping my fingers tightly crossed that it goes as smoothly as the first. I am sooooo with you on the ‘keep positive’ I really feel like punching the next person that says it and I’m not a violent person! So true it is down to good treatment/medication. Having said that I do try and stay positive for my own sanity! Got my pre chemo visit tomorrow, then round 2 will commence on Friday. 1 down 5 to go!
Glad everyone is doing well x
So glad you’ve had a great day, fitful. One thing cancer seems to have done for me is make great days really great in a way they were not before. Clear margins is fantastic news! I was told I’d need a mastectomy as my bust is small but the surgeon did a brilliant lumpectomy on a tumour about the same size & in the same place as yours, so I kept my nipple, too. Only I can tell my left boob is even tinier than it used to be.
You’re right, Christine. It wasn’t as bad as I’d terrified myself into thinking it would be. I cried when I was told I needed chemo but for now the reality is that it’s just something unpleasant but necessary.
Do hope it all goes well for you, Michelle, when you have blast no 2. I agree with everything you said about positivity. I have bite my tongue - not even an eye roll. They mean well.
xx
Hello everyone.
You all made me smile about the ‘stay positive ’ comments. That and ‘stay strong.’ Don’t have much bloomin’ choice do we?! Ah well…
So pleased for all those with uplifting news today.
Been and chosen my wig today and it’s really not too bad at all. I have to say, I was expecting something that is free to be a lot dodgier!
Can we add ‘you’re so brave’ to that list!
Sometimes I suspect that “stay strong, you’re so brave, keep positive” is a way of saying “so I don’t have to feel bad thinking about you”. Depends who’s saying it.
Hi Jenc
What you’ve described is exactly what I’ve experienced. My real friends ask me how I am and listen to what I say. It’s those who are backing away who come up with the idiotic remarks.
Hope your treatment is going well after six months of it.
Another one for me is the “Battle” with cancer. we all get through it the best way we can but that stupid word the press use about the battle is such the wrong word.
I agree with you Dorabel, I think a lot of it is how friends feel about us being ill. For them to think of us being positive makes them feel better rather than thinking of us thinking about how has the cancer spread, will we be here next summer etc makes them feel sad. Like thinking of the negatives will bring about a worse outcome.
I also have some friends who listen to how I’m feeling and to what I want to say at that point in time but others who despite never having been through this think that telling me I should stay positive is a good thing to do.
All I really want is to be looked at as still me. Yes I have got a problem to get through but I’m still me. I still want people to look at me as me and not as a sick cancer patient. Perhaps I shop tell them to “keep it real” or “stay normal!”
I have to admit though that I haven’t had anyone close to me go through this (thankfully) and I wonder if someone had what would I have said?
You’re so right, Michelle. I know I will have said the wrong thing in many situations and never known because the person I spoke was too kind or polite to tell me. That’s why I try to be kind and polite, too. I’m positive in my own way, which comes down to accepting what has happened and dealing with it. Some days, and for good reason, I feel down and I sit with it until it goes. On other days, often because the sun is shining, I feel full of gratitude. I’m still me. I’m just ill and going through treatment.
I’m not “battling” anything - agree with you, Christine. Battle is a daft term. Going through a process might be more accurate.
Sorry I got your name wrong, Jencat. Fat finger accidentally deleted half of it.
It’s “battle” and “fiight” for me! I think it’s growing up and living in a fervently pacifist environment that makes some of the militaristic language you hear around cancer really upsetting to me. When I was diagnosed I actually rehearsed what I would say to anyone (friends and medics) about the terms I preferred to use (cure, heal, recover etc.), but haven’t actually had to say it!
I don’t mind “stay positive” or “stay strong” as I hear it as a recognition that I already am those things… although it’s possible that I am *too* chirpy and cheerful for some folk’s liking as the comment that’s actually taken my breath away (and I’ve had this twice!) is “I wish you’d take this more seriously…”!
On a brighter note, my pre-assessment for chemo went well today. It felt rather like starting at a new school, being shown round as the New Girl, and sizing up the other kids in the waiting room (but at least these days I already know that *I’m* the odd kid with the wrong school bag!). Bloods taken okay, Han (my other half) didn’t faint and we scored a new cookbook All systems go for the main event tomorrow afternoon.
Glad your assessment went well fitful, good luck tomorrow.
I met with my oncologist today and had my bloods checked. I felt I had to apologise for my behaviour last time I was there because I was a mess. I was still in shock from being diagnosed and then shocked again and again with everything that was said, I just kept breaking down. Thankfully I was more myself today, no tears. The Dr was pleased that the tumour seems ‘less easy to feel’, hopefully meaning it’s smaller. She has also changed my treatment plan slightly as she now knows I am HER2 pos. The plan now is to have one more FEC then 4 T with herceptin and Perjeta. I do feel like they are throwing everything at it which one minute I feel pleased about but the next I am worried that it is because they think I am riddled with it. I haven’t had a CT scan or MRI so don’t know if it’s spread beyond. I try to stay away from google but have read that HER2 pos is more likely to reoccur, which also terrifies me. I guess I want what we all want, someone to say you have to go through this horrible treatment but at the end of it you’ll be cured.
Gigi how are you doing? How did your appointment go? Is it all ok for Friday? My chemo is t 11am on Friday. Did you have your wig fitting? I went for mine and chose a short wavy bob, I found some of them had really heavy fringes that made them look too wig like. My eldest was disappointed as she was hoping she could try a blonde wig on! Good luck for Friday.
On the whole all is good here, I am hoping my next round of chemo goes as well as this one. One step closer to this being done and on to the next.
Glad everyone seems well x
Hiya everyone I’ve been for my 1st chemo combo.I had a allergic reaction to carboplatin so got to stay in hospital for a extra 4hrs.It was all a bit scary all nurses and doctors running about. I’m ok now just scared my kids to death haha
Hi everyone just got home from work. I have been following all your commentsand enjoying reading but a bit too tired to write. Wildshell poor you! That sounds like a really traumatic day for you and your family. Hope you are ok. You must be really tired.
I went hospital today and had bloods and all. Chemo round 2 is on for Friday whoop whoop (I’m joking) but it’s good to get it done I guess. My daughter came and helped me chose a wig. I got one with a fringe Michelle! bit wavy almost exactly my colour hair a bit longer than my hair now like I usually have. Really like it hope I don’t need to use it though. My daughter’s got red hair at the moment and the lady asked if I was going red! Little does she know I have quite a few of my daughter’s to chose from too.
Had speaking exams Tuesday The girls prepared so well.Got them tomorrow too. Going to go have a cuppa and then will come back and write about work Take care Gigi
Hey guys me again.Fitful head you asked about work. I orginally was off for 8 weeks with op I had a mascetomy with diep reconstruction then axillary node clearance, then seroma aspiration. Went back to work three days before Easter break then had first chemo during the hols. I am a mfl teacher in a secondary school with quite challenging pupils but I have nice students, my department is lovely. I work 4 days a week my day off is Friday so I arranged to have chemo on my day off. I take half a day for bloods etc then go back to work. They have been good at work, I have been very upfront about my diagnosis and treatment my choice. Orginally it was just the op and I was done. When they found cancer cells and told me I had to have chemo work were worried. By going in and showing my face before Easter made it easier for them. I had so many “you look so well” s. I had to get a letter from the doctor saying I was fit to work. The only modification to my work load is they know I can’t carry weight due to op. The school kept on a supply teacher in case I didn’t come back after Easter. She is probably going to stay till the summer so there is less pressure on me to be at work.I do everything including break duty and the last two weeks have done after school & lunch time revision classes for year 11s. I inform them weekly how I am feeling & what’s coming up. Just coz I’m working now doesn’t mean I can work all through chemo will have to see how I go. For me I am very happy atm to be at work as I am sleeping very well although I have to pace myself. Might not go in Mon and Tues next week after chemo on Friday but I’ve planned all my lessons next week so the cover is done or if I’m in it will make it an easy week.
I don’t go out in the evening or weekends really we are very quiet at home and I felt working would be good for me. My oncologist told me I could work without any encouragement from me so I follow her lead. If she tells me otherwise I would stop immediately. Don’t know if that answers your questions hope so. It isn’t easy the girls know I was off obviously but they don’t know why. I will not be going into work if I don’t feel I can do my job properly. Anyway. One more day and speaking exams then chemo Friday. Wishing you all a pleasant evening with no battles or fights! I hate all that too sorry it’s so long Gigix
Haha Gigi I’m sure you’re wig looks great! I think they all have some sort of fringe but some are better than others! I hope we won’t have to use them too! Whatbis a mfl teacher? This must be a very busy time for you in school. My youngest is revising so hard for her A levels, she gets up at 4am to do a couple of hours before school, crazy I know! She does usually go to bed by 8.30 but even so!
I hope Friday goes well for you, I’ll be thinking of you when I’m having mine. Although I’m not looking forward to it at least we are already on to number 2 and number 1 wasn’t so bad x