@elle16 - hope your oncology appointment goes well tomorrow. I’m sure they’ll talk you through all the options and explain everything fully. I’m getting worried that I don’t seem to have an appointment with my oncologist- and I’m due to finish chemo in a couple of weeks, Emma x
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Just received my next ultrasound appointment needed prior to seeing the surgeon. It all seems to be moving along now. 5th of 6th chemo on Thursday, so only 4 more weeks of my PICC line 
so grateful for my PICC line but my skin keeps blistering under the dressing
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@gromit12 - my skin has become very sore under the dressing, it bled a bit when she cleaned it today and hurt so much! Will be glad when I can have it taken out but like you, grateful for having had it x
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@isthisreal - I can’t believe you’re on round 6 this week! Hope that goes well. I’m struggling with the side effects of my second docetaxel. Not quite as bad as last time but bad stomach and diarrhoea. Really hoping it passes soon as the weather is so lovely but I’m too tired to do anything. It would be lovely to keep in touch after this ends - maybe with a WhatsApp group?
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Just wanted to share that today is my 60th birthday 
My lovely family persuaded me to come away for a few days to the south coast and what luck we’ve had with the first bit of sunshine this summer! It’s been relaxing, fun and just great to be together, away from the confines of home and treatment. they have all done a fabulous job of making it very special, considering the circumstances. I’m feeling a bit teary now, thinking about the worry everyone has about me and also a bit sorry for myself. It’s not that I was planning a great big party but this is certainly not how I’d imagined celebrating the milestone 
But….less than 10 days until my final chemo and 
removal of the PICC line which is another milestone worth celebrating 
Hang in there ladies, we’re getting closer!
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Happiest of birthdays to you @altoan sounds like you are being well looked after, understand the tears completely, and thank you to the sun shining for you, hope you have a lovely time whilst you are away and you get to relax and maybe recharge your batteries , lots of love to you 
@ivy-cat have you tried ringing your oncologists secretary and asking for an appointment, my last treatment should be 5th July so this is just under 2 weeks before, so I’m assuming it will be to go through the next steps xx
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Happy 60th Birthday! What a gorgeous photo of you!
So pleased you got away for it and had lots of happiness and love!
I think birthdays aren’t that fun with cancer. Too much pressure and too much importance. Maybe low key is the way to go rather than it feeling quite so “Woohoo, another year survived!”. I hated birthdays before, let alone now.
On a separate note, I love your shirt. Where is it from?
Enjoy the rest of your break. Can’t believe that you, me and @elle16 finish chemo this week. I treated myself to a t-shirt to wear to my last chemo! 
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@swk1981 
love the T-shirt 
I can’t believe it’s nearly done, I can’t wait to be able to taste 
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My taste is creeping back a little. Unfortunately that means I’m back, obsessed with food again. Equally I mowed the lawn today which is the biggest thing I’ve done in nearly two weeks. I tried to participate in life on Saturday and it ended in me sleeping for 15 hours straight so today seems to be a turning point. I’m changing Docetaxel’s name to Dicketaxel. I can’t wait to hopefully never have this drug ever again! Have a full day of work tomorrow and am dreading it but need to pretend to clients that I’m more involved in the business than I actually am so that I still have a business left in October when treatment ends! 
xx
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@altoan Happy 60th Birthday, hope you had a nice day you’re looking fantastic.
I’m still at my mobile at the coast and it’s been lovely. It’s been great to spend time with my family, I think I’m in my 4th lot of visitors now lol.
I think I didn’t realise how much talking to everyone over this last few days is really tiring, I’ve been living like a hermit up to this
To all you ladies that are finishing chemo soon ( also to everyone in the near future) I’ve found this last week really strange, It’s hard to describe and i know I’ve radiotherapy to do yet but I really feel that from last November I’ve been living in a surreal world and suddenly the penny has dropped this all has been real.
@elle16 I’ve booked on to the moving forward course for September. I really hope we all stay in touch going forward as feel I’ve made friends for life on here.
I still haven’t heard any word about my Spinal MRI so I’m taking no news is good news🤞
Radiotherapy starts 3rd of July and I’ve to start Tamoxifen that day also. I’ll be the guinea pig of the group lol.
Sorry if I’ve missed anyone, I really do hope everyone is keeping well
Pauline xxxx
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Happy Birthday @altoan - you look amazing and I love that top you’re wearing! I think we can all relate to the birthday / milestone thing. I hate having a fuss made over me at the best of times and cancer adds a whole new dimension to family celebrations now. So glad the sun shone for you though and that you got a chance to relax and spend time with loved ones. Can’t believe that several of us are nearing the end of chemo now. I cannot wait to finish!
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@pollyanna1 and @altoan hope you both enjoy the rest of your break, what wonderful weather you have, must be really nice to have a change of scenery, I understand what you mean about living like a hermit, I feel like I’m living a totally different life than I was before, and yes I agree no news is good news
@swk1981 thats so weird as I also cut the grass yesterday, took it slow but was proud of my achievement, I do think docetaxel was a lot kinder to me this time round so feel a little less anxious about my last one, I’ve also learnt that rest might be the key and that it’s ok to do nothing sometimes ( this is something I find difficult)
Let’s keep going ladies, we’ve got this, really feel we are a team, and what a fabulous team we are !!!
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@altoan you look amazing! A very Happy birthday 
so glad you had a good time away, and making the most of the situation. Laura xx
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Happy Birthday @altoan what a lovely photo, your top is gorgeous! I’m so pleased the sun shined for you and you got to have a lovely day with all your family and friends.
@pollyanna1 what perfect weather you have had too, I hope you had a great break away.
@swk1981 and @elle16 mowing the lawn! You go girls, the end is in sight!
As for me I’ve woken up with a few spots right on my cheeks urgh I haven’t had spots since I was a teenager! Chemo really is the gift that keeps on giving!
I’m going into the office, this morning. I have a baby shoe business and luckily for me my team are amazing as I have hardly been in at all the last few months.
Wanda the wig is really not being used much, I think today’s going to be a hot one so a head scarf it is! and now I’m just rambling!!
I hope everyone has a good day.
Helen xx
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I’m off to PICC clinic for bloods for Thursday. Counting off the number of visits I have left! Oh the little things!!
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@altoan happy (belated) birthday! Great photo and there’s nothing better than some quality time with family☺️
@swk1981 love the tshirt!
Just catching up as I had a mad day yesterday…. Had gotten an appointment for my Hickman Line procedure for yesterday and am sorted again for chemo but it turned out to be an eventful day!
I woke at 1am with sickness and diarrhoea so phoned the cancer line and had to go to hospital. They tried numerous times to get cannulas in me and ended up with one in my foot🤢 they didn’t seem to understand that I was getting a Hickman Line for a reason at first (as they were talking about a cannula in my hand/wrist which is heavily bruised from the blown vein attempts by oncology and made a few attempts at other veins first even after I told them about last week and the issues). Eventually got a couple bags fluids and a couple anti sickness jags and everything settled. They then wanted to wait till oncology started at 8 to speak to them and ended up taking more bloods (as my neutrophils were sky high in the first lot) which came back fine. I honestly thought I wasn’t going to get my Hickman and burst out crying in A&E as I was so tired and stressed by it all but I got discharged at the last minute and they told me to hurry and go to the other hospital to still try and get the Hickman in. They weren’t sure if I’d be allowed but I was to turn up and see!
They were running late but I am now the proud owner of a Hickman lol. I’ll give you all a laugh though…. I was told by oncology I could get a sedative as I’m generally freaked out by needles/procedures and the idea of the Hickman was giving me the heebie jeebies! I couldn’t get the sedative as the nurse was like why haven’t you eaten and I told her I was told not to and she said that was wrong and gave me a biscuit as they were running so late then I asked about a sedative when they were going through the paperwork/questions and she was like I’m really sorry you can’t have one as you’ve eaten a biscuit it was ok though they made a wee tent over my head so I couldn’t see and gave me a stress ball to squeeze during it 
poor biscuit nurse couldn’t stop apologising think she felt terrible!
Didn’t get home till about 830 and was exhausted by from being up since 1am and all the poking/prodding so went to bed early. Feeling very tender where the line is but so happy it’s in for restarting chemo on Thursday. Feel like I’m moving my neck like I have an invisible brace on as can feel the wire from my neck to my chest but I’m sure it’ll be like a filling at the dentist and I’ll get used to it soon enough 
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@belle1 what a palaver!! But thank goodness you got the Hickman in the end. Hope everything settles. Hugs. Laura xx
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Oh @belle1 what a nightmare. So pleased the diarrhoea and sickness settled but, most of all, hooray for the Hickman line! You must feel so relieved!!!
@pollyanna1 I know exactly what you mean. I’m really nervous about losing my routine. My whole world has been my bedroom and the oncology ward for 5 months now. I venture into the real world so infrequently and have really hidden away. I was chatting to my Onocology lead about it on Monday when she flushed my PICC line and she said “But you’ve hardly even needed to lean on us like other patients!” I said to her “This ward is my safest place on earth right now. It’s the only place where I don’t have to have my wits about me because you’re all so switched on to everything. I’m petrified of losing my safe place!”
I have so much treatment ahead of me with radio/ovaries/drugs etc but there won’t be the weekly touch points with anyone and I’m going to have to ‘get on with life’. That makes me feel sick a bit.
I was looking yesterday at Lisbon and thinking about going on my own for a long weekend. I don’t think I have space in my head to talk to anyone and go with someone. I think I may like a weekend of walking around, looking at beautiful buildings and maybe sorting my head out. Equally I’m scared I’d go and hate being alone with my head. I just don’t know what life looks like going forward because it’s all the same but nothing can ever be the same again. I’d always wanted to buy a house abroad and renovate it but I can’t now because I feel like I can’t commit to anything long term in case cancer comes back. It’s like having a stalker who could attack you at any minute. X
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@swk1981 - I think your description of a stalker who could attack you at any time is a good one. Although I’m really looking forward to finishing treatment, I’m terrified of the future and secondary cancer. For the first time I’m starting to think I may not reach old age, which isn’t something that I’ve thought about before.
I’m also increasingly intolerant of other people at the moment. I’ve learned who is supportive and understanding and who is not. As I move forward, I think my group of friends will adjust and probably become smaller!
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@belle1 - what an ordeal for you! Thank goodness you got through it and finally have your Hickman line in place. I really hope things are easier for from now on
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