Has anyone got any alternative reponses other than “Fine, thanks” when people ask you how you are? Even when I’m not feeling fine I find it’s the only response I seem to give… easier I suppose. When I’ve felt like death warmed up but made an effort with my wig and make up to look somewhere near normal I find I sometimes get defensive when I meet people and they say things like “Wow… you look really well!” My rational mind knows that they are just being nice… but I’ve found myself making flippant comments recently like “Yes I’m perfectly well… I just fancied some time off work!”.
I generally find that people who have had no experience of cancer just havent a clue ! I know, I was one of those people before I got diagnosed. However, for me it all depends on who is doing the asking, if it is one of my close friends then I can tell them warts and all and like me they soooooooooooo didn’t realise what a bag of worms cancer is and it’s not just a case of surgery and rads and take a tablet everyday and off you scoot. So for me I take the time to “educate” them because unless we tell them they are never going to come anywhere near to understanding. But, if the person asking isn’t the sort who is really that bothered about the bigger picture and just asking for the sake of it I usually tell them “the treatment is ongoing and I’m not dead yet…” They can take that how they like,I’m really not that bothered about upsetting anyone,if they want to pursue it with stupid remarks I’m more than happy to put them right.Tell it like it is…and if they didn’t want to hear how I really am then they will know not to ask again. Lol, it has worked for me so far…look forward to hearing how others deal with it.
Good luck and hope you are really feeling fine…
Sandra x
Thanks for your response Sandra.
“the treatment is ongoing and I’m not dead yet…” perfect!
You’re right though…it’s good to tell friends and people who really care how it really is. Before this happened to me I had no idea what people went through - it’s been a real eye opener that’s for sure!
It’s being prepared for the people who are asking for the sake of it. I know I shall be returning to work in the not so distant future so need to be ready as I know everyone will be asking!
Today I really am “feeling fine” by the way, thank you. I find it always helps a bit when the sun is shining.
Hope you’re well too!
E x
Hi
Im also fed up of saying “Fine thanks”.
The problem Ive found is that with people that know about my dx like neighbours or parents in the school playground, when they say “Alright?” or “How you doing?” I never know whether they mean ME and BC or is it just a general comment they say to everyone. I cant remember what they used to say before dx (didint take much notice then) and I say “Fine thanks” as I used to b4 dx as Im just not sure whether they really mean “How is your treatment going?” !!
Im not suffering from Breast cancer myself (my mum is) but i am starting to get annoyed at people just ringing up asking how mum is when ive already given them all the info i can. I know they are just being nice but i cant help it. They say to me how are you taking it are you ok and i just say yes becaus ei cant really be bothered to go into it or to let on that im not as brave as i pretend to be.
Anyone else in same boat?
x x x
Hiya, now that I have (supposedly) finished treatment, I feel privileged if I am asked how I am feeling in the first place at all! That is unfair of me, but certainly while it is perhaps not the most appropriate place, it makes my working life a little difficult to manage when I feel so constrained to talk about what was, and still is, a significant part of my life. After all, I listen to other people’s concerns, interests etc at work. I could go on…!
Incidentally, I was once told that FINE stood for fudged up, insecure, neurotic and emotional so Fine may just be the exact reply. (You may have guessed but I have substituted the F word).
Have a good day - it promises to be a good one again.
Best wishes
Naz
Sadly, I think it’s what most people want to hear and get very twitchy if you tell the truth. They really don’t know and they don’t want to know. As for “friends”, I’m in the process of Spring Cleaning some out of my life. I’ve tried to tell them what it’s really like and how difficult it is to live this post-treatment life but those that don’t/won’t get it are going - I’m not using energy on them!
Hi … I have had a friends clear out too …it has left me with about four people that I can rely on totally and I can say exactly how I feel …i can talk to you guys on here more than some of the "friends " I used to have …but that suits me fine …I can be myself and not the person that people want me to be who is " fine "
so thanks to you all on BCC forum .xxx
Maz 
I had a friends clear out just before I started my treatment; certain members of my extended family as well. I basically dumped anyone I regarded as “toxic”. They were mostly people who were hypochondriacs - for instance I have an aunt who is in constant competition with her daughter over who has the worst conditions/side effects etc. She dislocated her shoulder years ago in a gardening accident and the physio gave up on her as she wouldn’t do the prescribed exercises so she gets pains. Consequently every time I mentioned my bad arm, hers was 10 times worse! My hypochondriac cousin gave me a book that advised me to come off chemo and take natural remedies. She also offered to take me to an alternative therapist to have my body rebalanced as she said this person had told her I got BC as I was full of aluminium. It would only cost £200.I was really angry as I had just come out of hospital the day before after getting my nodes taken out. I was very tempted to tell her to eff off!
Hi - I tend to say things like ‘pretty good at the moment thanks…’ which they are or ‘a bit frazzled at the moment…’.
I know what you mean about toxic friends, I have had the competetive hypochondriac and the alternative medicine devotee - apparently it is owning a microwave and having a wireless network that did it to me.
I just think what the heck do they know anyway and avoid them if possible.
Naught so odd as folks - Jacqui
Right now I’m in a grumpy mood and am so fed up with people asking me in that heavily underlined voice: How rrrrrrr you?
I’ve decided the next time it happens I’m going to say: “Dying from cancer thanks…now can we talk about something else please.”
Jane
This thread made me smile as it occured to me only the other day that I must have looked like s**t before I got cancer because no one used to say to me prior to diagnosis " youre looking really well" but now every one I meet says it!!
Know what you mean about being a sitting duck for everyone’s pet theories, guys.
Once you have this disease, people you’ve always considered perfectly sane seem to think we should be grateful to have every quack theory, miracle cure and wonder diet imaginable rammed down our throats, don’t they?
Re: Are you really ‘feeling fine’, I usually say ‘so far, so good’.
X
S
I also look really well now apparently! And really suit having a centimetre of hair and an extra stone in weight! I wish I could tell these people “hey you can look as good as me, why don’t you sahve your hair and eyebrows off and put some weight on?”
I avoid all the “positive attitude merchants” like the plague, in fact I just find them bloody insulting.
Looks can be very deceiving can’t they, I’m told often I look well but inside I feel like cr**.
And when people ask “how are you”, I am honest and if I don’t feel great I say so, but if I’m having a better day then I say “today not bad, thank you”.