So here I am waiting for my appointment with the breast clinic which is in 11 days and I can probably tell you the minutes. I’m being chipper. oh super chipper and “everything is all right, it’s just a little bit of an infection.”
I saw my doctor three days ago. After noticing my nipple has completly inverted, tucked way back down inside my breast, unless it is very cold then it does its best to pop up but at a very jaunty angle. Directly beneath my nipple is the duct which feels swollen and is a little tender and doc said the skin looks thickened, I think she could see it an an angle I cant, She’s given me some cream to apply to deal with any infections and the appointment is a “just to be safe appointment”.
Of course I’m chipper, remember “everything is ok, its just a little infection” but my ever efficent and planning brain has put in every contingency for every situation including what to say to my daughter. My main thought is say nothing, she has recently moved to Hong Kong and is starting her teaching post out there and has a lot on her plate already. I cannot discuss fears and worries with my husband because he is an olympic worrier and prone to depression, he lost his father to bladder cancer and one of our close friends to lung cancer, so it would be both unfair on him and not helpful as he will become very distressed. I mentioned it in passing to my mum a retired nurse and lives over 700 miles away, again in the “it’s just an infection but better to check” and then changed the subject as expressing worries will not be good for her. My best friend is currently supporting her mother through chemo, my other close confidant has just lost her own mother to liver cancer and the funeral is next week so there is no way I can tell them. My worries are feeble by comparison and they are going through enough. So I thought I would post here because I really needed to say something to some one and this is a safe space.
I know it is all probably fine, I am going to keep saying that until told other wise and then it will still all be fine until the next stage which will also “be fine” as chipper is how I cope but I will admit I am pretty distracted from anything else at the moment and probably will be until poor booby and wonky nipple have been checked out.
So yes I am a bit scared which is silly, as it will all be fine. :D
Love to all of you who are going through this xxx