Dear all, I posted on this site a couple of weeks ago and was overwhelmed with positive and supportive and most of all, very helpful, advice about how to help my mum (aged 72) who had just been diagnosed with a tumour in her left breast.
You all gave me lots of good pointers including advising me to keep my holiday plans with my husband and baby even though it meant being away for my mum’s surgery…I did this in the end and I think it was the right decision - we spoke every day and although I haven’t seen my mum yet (we got back today so I’m seeing her tomorrow) she has been very cheerful and upbeat, seemed to bounce back from the anaesthetic fairly quickly, has found the exercises really helpful and they’re all pleased with how her wound is healing. My dad and brother accompanied her to the hospital on the day and then this week for a follow up with the cancer nurse and they seem to have coped really well so (without trying to let myself off the hook) it may have done some good for me to take a step back and not monopolise the role of the ‘coper’ in the family.
HOWEVER - on Tuesday next week we go back for the histology meeting and based on what the consultant told us at the initial appointment, we’ll be told how successful the op was at removing the cancer. Judging by our first discussion with the surgeon, my mum’s very likely to need radiotherapy, but the question will be whether she’ll do a course of chemo plus Herceptin too.
From what the consultant sad (something like “we don’t insist you have chemo, it’s up to you”) our impression is that they think that the radiotherapy will do a good job of getting rid of the cancerous cells, but a course of chemo would reduce the likelihood further of recurrence. But obviously it comes at a cost in all sorts of ways.
Clearly we’ll know more after Tuesday but I just wondered if anybody had been through a similar decision and if you had any advice, or things we should look/listen out for at the meeting.
Thank you all so much and excuse the vague and not-very-technical language, I’m still learning!
hi, glad everything is going smoothly so far. Your mums sounds like a real trouper. And you are right, it probably is good for others in the family to have a chance to help without you being there. Feeling useful is a good way to cope with worry.
There is an excellant BCC publication on how to read your pathology report and what questions to ask. You can down load it or ring them tomorrow and get them to send it to you.
wether or not the doctors reccommend chemotherapy very much depends on what was found by the lab that examined the lump and what happened about nodes. If her nodes were clear then radiotherapy will be good enough. Other than that the type of cancer they found, the grade, size etc and how many nodes were involved dictate wether or not they recommend chemo. So they might not even begoing down that road.
But if they are, Its not just a matter of age,there are a couple of threads on here from women who have been told the decision is theirs. some say–I dont care if its only a 1% increase in surival over 10 years throw everything you have at it.some say when they hear the lenght of the chemo treatment that it is not worth the small increase in protection.
I think i might have fallen into the second camp but fortunately I only needed radiation.
Good luck next tuesday. Remember you do not have to make any decisions on the spot. you can say you want to go away and have a family discussion and let them know. hopefully they will have got all the cancer out and she will not need a second operation, and it will not have spread to her nodes and she will just need radiation. (just finishing mine, its a breeze, just time consuming)
Thanks for your wise words O&L! The BCC publication is indeed excellent - I printed it out for my mum and she found it v helpful, thanks so much.
Unfortunately we didn’t get as far as the chemo discussion as my mum has to go back for more surgery next Tuesday. The consultant (who was great) wasn’t satisfied with the margin of healthy tissue on the lump they took out (apparently 2.9cm, and grade 2) and wants to go back for a bit more. Plus they found cancer in the one lymph node they took out. All this unfortunately means she’ll have to stay in this time because of the drain etc which made even my stoical old mother grimance a bit, poor love. Going to take Tues and Wed off work if I can I think to stay at hospital as long as I can with her and hopefully bring her home on the Wed.
However the consultant said that we should treat radiation as a ‘given’ and that, particularly given her lump is HER2 positive, he thought it was very likely she would need chemo and a course of Herceptin. So I think we just need to resign ourselves to that. It’s a long game I suppose, and we have to take it one step at a time…
Just really disappointed for my mum as she’d come through the initial lumpectomy brilliantly, with almost no pain and healing very fast, and now she has to have a much more intrusive op. But she’s very philosophical about it. One of the things she’s found hardest is not being able to pick up my little girl who is always yodelling for a hug from her grandma. We saw her on Sunday and she (my daughter) showered my mum in kisses and then yesterday got diagnosed with chicken pox! (It never rains etc…) Luckily my mum’s already had it or I imagine how awful I’d feel!
Thanks again for all the support and I promise to be back asking for more advice soon!
oh no, thats a bit of a set back. the surgery to get more flesh out is quick and easy, but playing around with nodes and drains is more intrusive.
one tip that she might want to try with granchildren is to wear a sling, A simple home made one or one you buy from boots. It is a visible reminder to her and everybody that she cannot play or cuddle for a while. Not to be worn at other times though, otherwise there can be a problem getting movement back.
Hope the wound drains really quickly and you can both get home as soon as possible