Hi everyone,
I’ve just signed up to the forum as I’m finding this all such a lonely experience. I’ve been mostly keeping things together so far, but finally, today…cannot stop crying.
I’m 44 years old and was diagnosed with stage 1/grade 2 (invasive ductal) cancer on 10th February, four weeks after being referred to the breast clinic. This has since been upgraded to grade 3. I was originally referred to the clinic without knowing I even had a lump - was just generally worried as my breasts were very very itchy. (In fact, I was paranoid, as my husband’s first wife died of breast cancer.) So it was quite unexpected when a small lump was found during examination at the clinic, and I had a mammogram (clear) and ultrasound (clear) plus needle biopsy the same day.
A month later, I went carefree back to the clinic expecting to hear the great news that the biopsy was fine. (I even remember feeling like a bit of a time-waster for just being there.) But the results were not clear, and i was told an operation, followed probably by radiation, would be needed. I had the operation 2 weeks later, following an MRi scan.
The operation was fine - not pleasant, but fine. I was suprised at how little pain was involved. Also, the sentinal node was clear.
Two weeks later (last week), I had the stitches out (massive relief!) and was told that the margins were clear. But I also learned that pathology had upgraded the tumour grade 3, and that chemotherapy would be needed, along with radiotherapy and tamoxifen.
I later noticed from the pathology report that there was also some lymphovascular invasion - this is really frightening me and I want to crack on with chemo (etc) as soon as posssible, but my oncology appointment is still TEN DAYS away. I also have concerns that the margins were very small, and am desperate for clarification from a consultant.
I was due to see a counsellor last Friday morning, as my husband and i are both in need in of some emotional support… but the counsellor cancelled just as we were en route, and I’ve been feeling pretty crushed ever since. Meanwhile, some of my best/oldest friends seem to be keeping a wide berth; other friends have been great but mostly I’m feeling very scared and isolated, losing my mind. I’ve always been strong, independent & calm, but suddenly I find myself becoming a complete emotional wreck.
Of course what I now realise is that no one can imagine what this is like, unless it’s happened/is happening to them. That’s why I’m here - just reading through some of the posts has already helped. I hope that at least one day I might be able to somehow help and support anyone else who might be going through the same thing.
I wish you all strength & good luck on your journeys.
Jayne