Yeah it’s a fine balance eh?
Work is ok thanks although I feel like I’ve achieved nowt this week - it’s like wading through treacle lol nearly the weekend though, hurrah!
Oh hun it’s tough when someone you know has to go through it - you just want to spare them all the horrors. It’s bound to have knocked you.
It’s weird how much it can affect you.
She will feel better once treatment starts and she’s on the treatment train, not knowing what happening is awful. Sending you a big hug x
Oh no! How awful. Did you go in today? Does it feel any better? how has your husband been? Can’t believe he was cross at you? He really struggles with you having been ill doesn’t he? It’s so weird.
Hope today has been better anyway x
Why is it far more than you have?
I think you’ve been through quite a lot and still are, not that it’s a competition.
I think it’s easy to go to a dark place when it happens to someone else. It’s another reminder that we are all living with small print that we try to ignore.
I understand how you feel guilty, especially now you are through the bulk of your hard core treatment but it’s not your fault she has to go through this. It is nice that she has you to talk to - which something many people don’t have, although the way you’re feeling at the moment it might make sense for you to be a bit careful here as it does seem to be affecting you strongly. You can help her a lot by being there for her but you’ve got to be ok in yourself. It’s OK as well if it’s too hard for you to be closely involved with someone going through something similar to you so soon after everything you’ve been through. I’m sorry you’re having a tough time, life is so up and down generally but it does feel like everything is magnified after cancer. Sending big hugs xxx
You didn’t sound self pitying at all.
I was just concerned you were being hard on yourself, as it’s still raw for you and things like this can really affect you (stating the bleeping obvious lol) Hope you’re OK, it’s tough dealing with this. Glad you are there too. I think we just have to accept it’s not a straight road we’re on, and yo grab the joy when we see it. Sending lots of love xx
Well keep an eye on it. Since treatment I’ve followed the two week rule, if it’s still worrying me after that time go straight to the docs or nurses. Although I think for the first year or so after treatment I didn’t wait so long (ie gave it a week) as it was too worrying otherwise. So see how you feel. Glad your friend is doing ok. Sending you a big hug xxx
Yeah I’m ok thanks. Bit flat this week. Buts it’s just lots of niggley things. Just need to think of those poor people in that awful fire in London and that helps my perspective x
It’s horrible when you need stuff checking out. I’m glad you’ve got an appointment, hopefully it will put your mind at rest but be prepared for more tests as they are very thorough when you’ve already had cancer.
Have you got someone to talk to? Fair enough that you don’t want to worry your family but you need to talk about how youre feeling otherwise it will drive you mad. It’s a bit cooler so hopefully you can sleep better tonight xxxx big hugs xxxxx
Busy is good for keeping your mind off things.glad you’re talking too,hope you’re OK x
Blooming heck, you do have a lot going on babe. Thanks for letting me know how you are, I knew you had a lot going on and have been thinking about you. Great news that your left breast is ok. Lots to consider re second mastectomy. Maybe see how you feel after your holiday?
I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. That’s tough. Sounds like you’re really juggling a lot of different people and expectations at the moment. I think it’s really normal to worry about holiday when you have so much going on and are outside of your comfort zone. I feel like that about most things to be honest. Lol.
Re your husband and attention, maybe the holiday will do you both good? Sounds like you need a break although as ever, it sounds a bit like you’re doing the worrying about everyone else whilst they expect/need you to be ‘back to normal’. It’s such a hard balance as you need to take care of yourself as well. Of course you naturally worry about everyone else first, but then it’s too hard for them to accept you are not fully yourself after everything.
I think the holiday will be fine when you get there. Maybe just write down all the things you are worried about and see what contingencies you need to have in place? Often things you dread are great when you get there.
You can’t do anything about your mum being ill other than make sure there are people around to help her when you’re away. I’m sure she wouldn’t want you to miss out on anything because of her and it feels like a change might do you good and being completely away will let you just be together as a family.
Sending you a big hug!
All is ok here, had a very flat couple of days at the beginning of the week as we are off and haven’t gone anywhere, but in the end it’s been nice being at home sorting through stuff and not being in the office. Your work sounds as stressy as ever. Can’t believe you have a student too! Lots of additional pressure. Nightmare. Take care xxxx
Do you feel like everything is just changing constantly? How you feel and then how he feels and how you react? I hate the roller coaster analogy but it’s kind of apt.
At the moment we are just not really getting on I don’t think, and it makes me feel a bit panicky as process the implications of that but mostly I am trying to be grateful and positive about all thr good things in my life. I hope you have an amazing trip, I do think it will be fine when you’re there
Being at home for a week has been good for me definitely! Xxx
I don’t think it’s self pity. I think it’s more complicated than that. It’s a reminder of everything you’ve had to give up as a result of the cancer, and you wouldn’t be human if it didn’t rock you every now and then,especially when you’re least expecting it. You’re already reminding yourself that you’ve made a lifestyle decision re work at the moment, that’s not to say it won’t change in the future but for now it’s the right thing for you, so the angst will settle down I think, it’s just the initial shock of it all.
And the changes in your body hit you at different times. He’s never going to understand, because he hasn’t lost a big part of his body. I think people mean well when they say ‘it doesn’t matter, you can’t notice’ but it really doesn’t help as it doesn’t matter what they think and feel, it’s about how you feel and your reaction to everything. I was reading something that said you should take time and acknowledge how you’re feeling, recognise it and let it sit with you for a bit. Feelings come and go and it’s fine to feel them and acknowledge them. If you consciously do that you can then see what your triggers are and also consider how you want to deal with them, if you need to deal with them. But the first step is letting yourself feel them without beating yourself up.
It sounds like the holiday was good despite the lack of sleep. I’ve just had a city break with friends and my arm ballooned and I spent a lot of time being questioned about it, my friend commented that I’m spending a lot of time avoiding talking about things and it can’t go on forever and I’m sure she’s right.
Hope the rest of your week gets better and you get your IT sorted out
Sending you lots of love x
Sounds busy! How are you feeling now? You’ve struggled a lot with work, maybe a change would be good?
All OK here, I flew for work which is the first time since before I was ill - feels like a big step although I can’t believe it took me so long to do it.
Came back today, it’s been manic but good, tons of work on though and feel a bit shattered so will see how next week goes.
Need to get on and sort the dog situation out next.
Xxxx
How was work and your onc apt? Well done for applying for the job, taking positive steps always helps.
All is ok re the dog, he’s been fine and we have had some serious chats I just need to get a list of options together and work through them x
I’m so glad, fingers crossed they can refer you for accupunture, big hugs, sounds like you’re taking steps forward which is brilliant xxxx
Eek that’s amazing! well done you!
Good luck, not that you’ll need it ?
Not so much fun re tamoxifen but hope you’re OK xxxx
Whoop whoop congratulations!! I’m sooooooo chuffed for you,that’s amazing, really well done! Thanks for letting me know, it’s made my Friday ?
Hope the weekend goes well with the inlaws xxx
I’m so pleased for you. sounds like just what you need. And you so deserve a break.
??
It’s strange the difference a bit of time makes eh?
Sounds like you’ve had a lot on, I hate changing cars!
Fab re starting in the new year, it definitely sounds like a good time to start afresh and you are definitely due a change. Do you feel like you’ve had a break? I hope so!
All ok here, had my mammogram and all clear which is always a huge relief hurrah! So that’s six years since diagnoses 5 since treatment finished eek!
Sending lots of love xxxxx
You sound a lot brighter. Good luck with the mammogram I struggled with mine this year for some reason but I’m sure you’ll be fine ?? shame re your hubby it’s so hard sometimes isn’t it?
I’m ok dog is not sorted yet we thought it was going to be this weekend but it fell through so gutted. Really want him out now. Work is up and down and I’ve had a virus that just won’t got away for the past two weeks so I have been limping along really. Cancelled plans for this weekend and just going to try and rest it out now.
Hopefully your hubby will be all better when he comes back xxx