a friend of mine got married today, but because of the SNB I had on thurs we just decided to go to the church and skip the reception. I cried and cried the whole way home- just thinking of everyone having fun and me- freak having to come home. What on earth will it be like when I have the op??? I dont know what they’re doing til I get the SNB back and I’m just convinced this damn thing has gone to my lymphs. OH says he’s with me all the way, but it’s me having to face this and really not knowing til next Friday if ill have an immediate recon.it just seems so barbaric and cruel to have to carve me up at 37…
Ok sorry if ranting, just a really bad bad day 
Hi Neadi, sorry you are feeling like this tonight but it is quite natural. To learn you have cancer is a real shock to the system and dealing with all the tests and waiting for the results is a very horrible time. It’s hard being upbeat around people who are celebrating so totally understand you wanting to skip your friends reception but also know how that makes you feel now!
I couldn’t have an immediate reconstruction, unfortunately my SNB showed the unwanted invaders had travelled to 11 out of 12 of them. BUT…I am here to tell you this tale. And bad news doesn’t mean the end. It just means a bit of a detour on the journey of life.
Stay strong, and remember that THIS WILL PASS.
x
Hi supertrouper!
Thanks for the reply. With the hour gone back I don’t know where we are… So wide awake at god knows what time. The waiting fir the SNB results is getting to me but I suppose it’s the loss ofmy life and what could have been…I genuinely thought I was cool with it- got my head around it in the 4 weeks or so that I’ve been living in this crappy situation, but since the biopsy ive been so down…the reality is hammering home and all the scary proceedures are kicking off…this is really happening!!! And my life will never ever be the same again
Hi
I wish I had seen this last night…you’re not a freak at all…as ST says THIS WILL PASS… I am a bit older than you at 53 but I had Mx last year and just felt the same as you…I was dx in sep…told on Wed…had to go on a prebooked hol on the friday…lasted till the following Sunday…thank god it was only a weekend break…came home and screamed the house down!!!..it is an awful thing to have to live through…but you will…once you get the results…you will know where you are…you will get a treatment plan and then live through it…it’s not a walk in the park but it’s doable…being awake at daft o’clock isn’t unusual…it’s when you’re trying to sleep that your head starts to play up…your life will be as much the same as you make it…I thought that…I was told Mx and came home and immediately cancelled my much waited for…and v expensive …xmas hol…lost the deposit…got the remainder refunded…had my Mx and was much recovered by xmas…so I could’ve gone anyway…would just have to have bought new cossie to accomodate my “boob”…now I look back at this and could kick myself…whatever your outcome.WLE or whatever you will cope and you will come through this…I had 11 lymphs removed and 2 were positive so chose my Mx myself…could’ve had the chemo first but I just wanted it gone…had my chemo jan to may…I put it off for the xmas as I broke my left wrist…had right mx so both arm bu****d for veins for chemo…had a hickman inserted…just wish I’d got on with the chemo and got it over and done with quicker but that’s how it went…keep posting…venting on here saved my sanity…
Oh Neadi - sorry I didn’t see this and respond last night, although I don’t suppose anything I would have said would have made much difference. Sending a belated hug.
The waiting is for sure the worst bit and it is completely understandable that you came home feeling like poo yesterday. If it makes you feel any better I have been getting angry with all the people I see in the street with their kids. Why do they get to have a normal happy life and we are stuck with all this surgery and treatment and everything on hold for miminum 3 years… oh and then might be infertile anyway? My best friend is pregnant with her second - the new me is indeed spitting jealous of her best friend. Nice.
The point is - you are not a freak and are totally entitled to have a bad day and be pissed off. You are going to be anxious until you get your SNB results - no point pretending you won’t. You are then going to be anxious about whatever the next step is - but you are inching closer all the time to getting the treatment you need. Might not be the least invasive option but whatever it is you will deal with it because you have to.
I completely understand what you are saying by the treatments becoming real. I had my second WLE and SNB on wednesday just gone - lucky enough to get immediate results on the SNB due to the technique used and mine came back clear. Of course I am happy about that - but still feel hecka anxious about the next steps because now they really are the next obstacle to face. First IVF appointment next friday to start injecting myself with hormones and harvest eggs / freeze embryo’s… which I have changed my mind about too many times to say as am ER+.
After that it is chemo - which I’d basically tried not to think about up until this point but can’t really avoid for much longer. You’re right - life is never going to be the same again… and that takes longer than 4 weeks to get to grips with so don’t be too hard on yourself.
I am thinking positive thoughts for you re the nodes. I was sure mine would be involved with it being grade 3 - and my sister being diagnosed in June and told her cancer had spread to bones in August - but mine were not.
Big huge hugs hun cos Im feeling exactly the same… diagnosed last thursday… still not got my head around things… felt like screaming yesterday… but reading what the ladies are saying it seems perfectly normal to feel all these emotions… im having a lazy pj day today… pottering around … still dont know how I feel yet … thinking of you hun xxx
Hi Sandra51
Welcome to the BCC discussion forums, I’m sure you’ll get some good support from the many informed users of this site while you are on this journey. Anything you need to ask, there’s always someone around, or if you want to talk to someone in person then the helpline staff are only a free phone call away, nothing is a silly question. Helpline phone number 0808 800 6000.
Take care,
Jo, Facilitator
Hi Neadi hun,
you are bound to feel like Cr*p at the moment its all such a huge shock, I was DX in Feb with grade 3 ILC with 3/20 nodes affected Had lumpectomy and full ANC please dont panic over Lymph nodes of course we would all like to get clear results but as ST says there are many ladies on here with node involvement some with a few some with more but treatment nowdays is advanced and lots of ladies are here 20 years on, Once you knpow what is involved and you have your treatment plan in place you will feel easier im sure, the not knowing allways seems worse weird I know
Take care and use this forum for support the ladies on here are invaluable x
Hello to those ladies who’ve just been diagnosed. You’ll get so much support on here, the ladies are more than happy to help or reassure you. I was a late poster but I wish I had joined earlier as it would have really been good to know others in this situation and how they’re doing. On a positive note, I had Grade 3, so mastectomy, node clearance, chemo, radiotherapy and a year intravenous Herceptin and I got through it and so will you. I found taking one step at a time and dealing with that and tried not to look too far ahead. It’s our own journey and I know we’re all different but I’m now coming up to 3 yrs after diagnosis in Feb and I’m OK. You have to put yourself in the hands of those who are trying to help you and trust the medical profession and go with the flow. I’ve had marvellous care which I would never have been able to afford and I’m so very grateful.
Sending a reassuring hug for your journey…it’s not as bad as you imagine. And don’t Google and frighten yourself to death!!
Love Ami xx
A big big hug and thank you to everybody! Everyone knows exactly how I feel here. I only have to look at replies and there is how I’m feeling. A bit brighter today and hopefully will have good news on Friday.
Xx
Aw Neadi, life really is a roller coaster after diagnosis isn’t it. I am laughing one min and crying the next, it just comes in waves. Went to the hairdressers the day after gettig the news and had a fab new hair colour. I now have a purple and teal fringe and absolutely love it! 
Going to make the most of my hair before the chemo starts and the hairdresser said she will polish my head for me when I lose it 
Hopefully we can have some giggles through all this, sending you a big hug xx
Thanks a million!!!
Xx