I don’t know what is the matter with me, well actually yes I do my mum has cancer. I woke up feeling pretty yuk today and keep bursting into tears, which is not ideal when you are at work. She had been referred now to the Marsden as we were not entirely happy with her treatment at the place she was being seen at. Sorry I know I am repeating myself again, but I just thought maybe coming on here I might feel better if I off load. I am sitting at my desk thinking what if her lymp nodes are infected she has a good chance of getting secondaries and dying. I cant seem to pull myself out from this dark cloud today, sorry to moan.
Jules xx
It’s a horrific shock for you Jules. I know telling my children was by far the worst aspect of this whole awful thing. My lymph nodes are affected, and I have to have chemo starting next week. I do NOT have secondarys anywhere, they are just mopping up stray cells. I know it’s incredibly difficult, but please try to be positive until you get the results of all the tests (liver scan, chest xray, bone scan). Then you’ll know what you are dealing with. It’s important you get the support of friends at the moment - you’ll obviously not want to tell your Mum your fears, but you do need sympathy and understanding and support.
Be kind to yourself. In some ways I think it’s worse for those around rather than for the person with cancer. Sue xx
Thank you sue for taking the time to write its much appreciated. She had an ultra sound on her nodes and they said they looked clear, but won’t be totally sure until they do the surgery which could be weeks away as there trying to shrink the tumour with Letrazole. I am trying and so far apart from one instance when she said some lovely emotional things, apart from that I have not cried in front of her. I just cant stand the waiting. I went for a walk at lunch time and kept seeing really healthy elderly people some probably lates 80’s 90’s and I felt this is not bloody fair. I don’t wish this on anyone but get upset when I see older people going about there business and think why cant my mum be like that.
When were you dx and what have they said etc etc, treatment etc.
Thanks again.
xxx
I was dx 26/2/08. Tests said 17 mm tumour. Bad news for you is my ultrasound said nodes looked clear. Had lumpectomy & sentinal node removal (my nipple is STILL blue). Unfortunately, discovered it’s a grade 3 and 2 of the 5 nodes were affected. Surgeon removed 45 mm, but didn’t get it all. Fortunately (being a “big” girl 38G) the surgeon tried another lumpectomy as well as full lymph node clearance. Good news, he got all the tumour now, and 4 out of 13 nodes were affected, so I’m waiting to start chemo 3/4/08. I have two teenage kids, and telling them was the most unbearable aspect of this whole experience. My husband has already had testicular cancer, secondary in the lungs, and chemo - so we kind of know what to expect. Looking forward to wearing outrageous wigs and losing weight (hell of a diet!). I’m to have 8 doses of chemo (that’s 24 weeks) and 5 weeks of radiotherapy. By this Christmas I fully expect to be fit again. Waiting is really horrific though. As a sheep farmer this couldn’t happen at a worse time of year!
Just try to remember some, in fact many, of these older people you see have faced their own health hassles and come through it. There is no reason at the moment not to assume your Mum won’t be one of them! Also remember, they personally would rather it was them than a younger woman in her prime - that was certainly my grandparent’s reaction to my husband’s cancer.
xx
Oh dear, I was hoping that the nodes would be clear. What worries me is if the nodes are not clear there is a good chance she will die isnt there. Or is that not always the case. Sorry I am such a mess today.
Jules xx
No - there is not a good chance she will die. My understanding is that the lymph nodes act as a filter, preventing “nasties” from getting any further. It may help to look on the nodes as the filter in a cooker hood! I have not been given a poor prognosis, quite the contrary. Unfortunately you have to wait until you get the results of other tests to be more confident about the future. Certainly, in my case, everything else is clear, and I’m just having chemo to “mop up” any microscopic bad cells drifting around my system, having got past my cooker hood! Not having lymph nodes under my left arm poses its own problems, but none of them are insurmountable. Apparently I can’t even have a massage at the moment as I don’t have the lymphatic drainage system to cope with it! Rats.
Don’t worry about being a mess! I’m happy I’m able to help you in some small way! You just have to take it a day at a time at the moment. Getting as much good information as you can will be helpful to you. Ignorance is NOT bliss - and if I’d believed that sooner, I’d have got my lump checked out a few months earlier.
Sue xx
Thank you Sue, I feel pretty disgusted at myself moaning away about my worries when YOU are suffering and your comforting me. So thank you.
I will try and be positive. I have positive days, quite a few but today just seem out of sorts. The weekend has a lot to answer for as things went abit wrong!
I am just looking at the clock and willing 5.00 to get here, then I can get in my car and cry my eyes out.
My friend and I are starting Salsa lessons tonight, more to take my mind of things, so should be fun.
Hugs Jules xx
Hi Jules
Just reading your thread. Having lymph nodes affected does not mean your mum will die. The lymph nodes are just like little nets to catch stray cancer cells and bacteria and anything else that may harm us. We have lymph nodes all over our body as self defence. If you get a sore throat, your lymph nodes in the neck are sore and tender because they are trapping the bacteria - same with breast cancer. Many, many women have affected nodes and are OK. If the cancer cells are contained within the nodes and they are removed, then that is good. Try not to look so far ahead - easier said than done. How old is your mum?
Cathy
x
Thanks Cathy and I am sorry to be getting in such a state today. Had quite an emotional weekend and its left its mark I afraid.
My mum is 68, so not old and I much to early to loose her.
Thanks for taking the time to write to me.
You ladies are so kind on here, thank you.
xxxx
Hi Jules,
Just to echo what Cathy and Sue have said about lymph nodes. Even if there are cancer cells in there it DOES NOT mean she will have or get secondaries. It just means the lymph nodes have done their job in filtering the d–mn things out. When is your mum’s Marsden appointment? I’m hoping you will feel happier once you’ve seen them. If I remember correctly prevoius onc suggested chemo before surgery?, so this would be mopping up stray cells sooner than chemo after surgery.
Don’t be too hard on yourself for feeling upset, its very natural - you are just being a terrific daughter.
Lots of hugs
Jojoxxx
Hi Jules
My mum had breast cancer when she was 60. She had a full mastectomy and all nodes taken out. In those days, the treatments were nowhere near as good as today. She lived another 15 years and died of heart disease. Older ladies are sometimes less likely to get very aggressive disease and if it has been caught early, that’s good news
Cathy
x
Hi Jules
You are bound to be feeling upset and anxious this soon after your mum has been diagnosed with breast cancer. The period during and after diagnois is I think the most firghtening time for the person with cancer and those who love them. Your response is perfectly normal. There are so many unknowns for yuu and I think it is healthy and normal that getting a breast cancer diagnosis does awken us all to a sense of immortality, that life is scary and unpredictable and sometimes ends sooner than we had planned.
as time passes you will gain new insights and perspectives on what you and your mum face. Also as her treatment starts and you get more information about the type of cancer she has you will have abetter idea of what her prognosis might be.
I’m afraid its not accurate to say that having cancer in the lymph nodes means that the cancer has somehow been filtered out. Having cancer in the lymoh nodes means that the cancer does have the capcity to spread and the number of lymph nodes with cancer does statistically have a bearing on what happens next. But having said that, many people with positive lymph nodes live a long time after a cancer diagnosis. Uncertainty is one of he names of the breast cancer game…so of couse you are feeling shaken and upset.
Go gently with yourself…this is a hard and emotional time as you adjust to your mum’s diagnosis.
best wishes
Jane
Hello Jules,
I agree with everyone who has previously written especially about the nodes. I had 17 removed and 6 were affected and I’m still here and I ain’t going anywhere. Yes every ache and pain gets me thinking but I know that I have to stay as positive as I can and I am going to have all the treatment they will give me. It will be 5 years in October that I was diagnosed and one bit of advice my surgeon said to me ( and believe he doesn’t say much!) is to stay positive. Its easy for me to write this 5 years down the line but it is true.
Your Mum is a very lucky lady to have a daughter as caring as you and together you will get through this. I don’t know what has happened previously with your Mum’s treatment or your circumstances but it is very important that she has some one close who can take everything in. I only chose to hear what I wanted to hear, it was up to my husband to take everything in.
Chin up
Hazel
Hi Jules,
I felt like responding earlier on the question of infiltration of the lymph nodes, but not sure how to phrase it. Jane is brilliant with facts and I always look forward to reading per posts as I learn so much from them. I was also told by my bc surgeon that if the cancer had already spread to the lymph nodes, there is a chance it could also have spread to other distant organs (bones,liver,lungs etc.). I had a lumpectomy 5 yrs ago, with 8 sample nodes removed - 3 were malignant, so I went back for total axillary resection a month and another node was positive. As far as I understand it, if the lymph nodes are involved, the patient will have scans of the liver, chest and bones - I had these as I started chemo and thankfully all clear. I hadn’t found this site at that time so was blissfully unaware that my prognosis was not too good.
I am 63 yrs old, and like Hazel, don’t intend to expire shortly. I fully expect to be a crazy old lady wearing purple dresses and red hats!
I think the best advice any of us can give you is to just take one day at a time - you can never regain it back. You could be worrying yourself unnecessarily, and that is not good for your own health, or being able to help your Mum physically and emotionally. You have done brilliantly so far in researching bc, but don’t dwell on the “ifs and may be’s” - they may never come to fruition and you will have wasted all that emotional energy.
Hopefully, once your Mum starts her treatment, you will feel a lot better as it really focuses the mind in that “something” is being done.
We are always here for you to rant, or get some support, whether it be technical or just a shoulder to cry on.
Take care,
Liz.
Thank you Ladies. It is so nice being able to come on here and just express how I am feeling. It really helps. You are all amazing and I hope you have members of your family and friends who tell you this!
I am feeling pretty yuk today again, it feels like a depression now. The first two weeks were different emotions daily, but now it feels like its evened out and just depression. I am praying that this will lift as its a horrible way to be feeling.
To make matters worse when I logged on one of the threads right near the top was the one about people with bc who have/had a mirena coil. I have one fitted and am wondering whether I should get it removed.
On a more positive note, my friend and I started Salsa classes last night and we had a great time, and we actually mastered the steps as the instructor was very good! I actually laughed for the first time for that hour since she was dx.
Thanks for listening.
Hope you have a good day ladies.
Jules xxx
Interactive Service Manager
Thank you for your whisper message. I have taken your advice and made an appointment to see my GP next Tuesday. I hope she doesn’t think I am being a nuisance as feel a fraud when there are so many brave ladies on here fighting this horrible disease.
Thanks.
I dont think you should feel a fraud, waiting for results is sometimes worse than actually being diagnosed, when they tell you you have cancer you almost feel relieved because then you know you havent been worried about nothing!!!then again i new as soon as i felt the lump what it was dont know how i just did!!!
Anna
sorry hadnt read the thread properly, now i have ish!!! and dont worry about the coil, you will drive yourself crazy worrying about all the things that might be related/ have been proven to be related to breast cancer!!! worry/ stress is a bad thing too
Hi Anna Marie
I am not going to the doctor about the coil hunny. I am going because I am not coping well with my mums b cancer dx. I have fallen into a dark hole of worry over my mum. I just have to hear her voice now and I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I love her so much and the thought I could loose her is ripping me apart.
Thanks for writing to me, and hope things go well for.
Jules xxx