Hello everyone,
I hope everyone is okay. Im just coming on here to vent a little bit!
Im having a bad day, very weepy, very tired and just feeling poo. I was told by my oncologist that I would find being on paclitaxel and carboplatin a lot easier than being on EC but tbh today I’m just feeling really worn out. I think I got into my head that I’d be side effect free and finding out the hard way that, that is not the case at all haha. Im now thinking “god I only have until Friday to start feeling better before I’m back in for chemotherapy!” My oncologist did say that the first time I have the combination of drugs that I might struggle but said it should get better after (so I’m hoping)! Ive not been sleeping well either due to steroids and hot flushes so that isn’t helping.
I’ve also been worrying about my future and thinking “this is it, I only have years to live” so been doom scrolling which massively hasn’t helped. Just can’t get out of this head space at all.
I have amazing supprt from my partner but equally feel awful for leaning on her all the time when she has pressures such as work and things going on. It’s just a vicious cycle at the moment!
Sorry for the depressing rant! Just needed to get it off my chest!
So sorry to hear about your horrid day glitteryrainbow (what a wonderful name)
It’s miserable that today is so tough. Sadly, it’s no surprise at all that some days are bad - I think sometimes that our expectations of being ok, can actually make it harder for ourselves when it’s definitely NOT ok 
.
There’s nothing I can say to make it all go away for you, but it’s VERY good to rant on here, and to have a safe space to let it out, rather than worrying how it might effect our nearest and dearest.
Huge love to you and I hope that there may be some glimmers of positive stuff for you over the coming hours and days xx
Aww thank you for the reply. I am sure I will pull through it and get out of this head space, its just hard to see the end when I know I’ve got 11 more weeks of this!
Im sure i will wake up in a more positive mood tomorrow.
Huge hug to you in return x
@glitteryrainbow … some days are just awful. I have had many ranting and crying days , all with different ‘themes’ each time. It is absolutely exhausting… I hear ya!
Remember your partner can cope - there will be plenty of time in the future to focus on them and say thanks but for now, it’s about you.
So, what can you do? Mainly just accept that today is a bad day, you have to feel it really. Reach out to others … on here or via friends. Try to find that tiny light that helps in the darkness - no matter what it is! Food? Meditation? Going outside… anything! You will have better days … and 2024 will be in your past before you know it. My oncologist said ‘accept you have no control and that sort of gives you control’ which sort of makes sense in a way!
Hugs to you … I am lighting a little flame of light for you xx
Hugs
Its crap at times ( literally)
It might be helpful to contact the Someone Like You service on here which puts you in touch with a confidential friendly chat or indeed the nurses on here because everybody goes through bad/ poor days and they can get dark and horrible so please reach out
Hugs x
@glitteryrainbow so glad you are posting and getting how you feel out there. Please don’t bottle it up, we’ve all been there and know it’s better to let it go. Some days are quite honestly awful and unbearable but then a better day comes along and you feel more human even if it’s only for a few hours. Wishing you some better days. xxx
Thank you everyone! Im feeling much better mentally today. Just got to take each day as it comes and be kind to myself! Think I’m just putting too much pressure on myself. Thank you for all your positive words 
Hey @glitteryrainbow, thank you for your post. All vibes are welcome here, and you can always come here to vent.
It’s fantastic that you have your partner to support you. Some people find talking things through easier still if they’re speaking to someone they don’t immediately know… like a breast cancer nurse. We have information on this page of how to speak to our team.
And if you wished to ask a question without leaving the forum, you can do so by posting in the Ask Our Nurses board.
Sending our warmest wishes
Bernard