Hi All
Just a bit of a moan really. After doing quite well, I find myself angry, resentful and scared today. I am 3 FEC chemos in.
I’m feeling fed up with not being able to do all I want, worrying when I get the slightest pain, and finding inventive ways to cover my baldness!
Tell me I’ll get my optimism back!
Cecelia. x
You will!!
Don’t count what has happened but the few that are to come. Glass half full attitude. Every day is a day less of chemo.
Margaret
Hi Cecelia
Know just how you feel. I have FEC number three this week and am already tired of being bald, and people telling me how nice my face looks without hair. Personally I think it looks horrible and I will be so glad when it grows back - few months yet I know. But we are allowed down days! Can’t be a plaster saint all the time! I only stay cheerful because I have friends on here, it could all be worse, and you can bore everyone to death otherwise. You will be fine my love. Have a good scream, deep breath, and keep on going.
Lots of love and a huge sympathetic hug
Dilys
xxx
Thanks Dilys and Margaret
I’ve had a little weep and a lie down. Just need to give into it sometimes I suppose. But I feel better for it.
I’m sick of everyone saying how well I look, and it’s hard to say “actually I don’t feel it” !
I just wish we, and no one else, ever had to go through this.
Cecelia. x
Dear Cecelia
A bit of a weep does you good. Not too much or you get a headache to go with everything else! I cried last week when I was stuck back in hospital for a week with chemo related problems and too my utter annoyance managed to miss the library trolley while I had my face turned to the wall! Now what did that tell me? It did do me good though.
You stay on here and find others who feel just the same some days.
Hugs
Dilys
xxx
Cecelia,
Im not as far down the line yet as you but due to start my chemo on this wednesday…I had a nightmare last night about the very thing that scares me so is the losing of the hair…all i could hear in the nightmare was a big booming voice shouting your gonna be bald your gonna be bald and I woke up so upset…! I am still upset now and the more i think of where i have to go on Wednesday the more I feel like I just wanna take my chance, get in the car and never look back.
Was going to post later tonight when i wasnt at work but kept logging on throughtout the day and noticed your post and could relate to it to a tee so thought I would drop a note now - ya never know I maty even feel worse and post tonight.
Take Care Cecelia - I know I havent had my chemo yet so dont know how I will feel when im in your position but hopefully you may start to feel a bit better soon.
Love Lynne
x
I HATE Chemo week but hen the other two weeks really make up for it when I am out playing with my little ones as usual…give yourself a few days you will be ok…we are all with you…
Big hugs to you…I have number three FEC next Monday and I am NOT looking forward to it…grrrr…nearly half way there…we CAN do it!
xxxxxxxxxxxx
Thanks everyone for the encouragement. We all need a bit of a cry every so often and as I say we should not deny ourselves.
At least I’m feeling OK most of the time so I should be thankful really.
Lynne, good luck for Wednesday, let us know how you get on.
Cecelia. x
Hi Cecelia
Hope you are feeling better. I can relate to your feelings and am only 1 FEC in, and have another 2 x FEC and then 3 x Taxotere I think. I worry about any pains etc, but think that is just human nature. I don’t know how all the ladies stay so positive on this site all the time, I do try my hardest, but sometimes think you have to give in to emotion and have a really good cry and then pick yourself up again.
Hope tomorrow is a better day for you. And for everyone else.
Love
Dawn
x
Hi Cecelia
I’ve just done FEC#2 so you are ahead of me girl…come on - halfway through right? You can do it…
Let it out if you feel angry and upset - a good rant and cry works wonders.
Hang in there
LOL and hugs
Ali
x
Hi Ali
Absolutely! Thanks everyone, the glass is half full.
Shouldn’t feel angry for crying, weird how I could do it when I was healthy with no guilt but now it makes me feel like I’m giving in to this BC if I’m crying and I definitely am not doing that.
Onwards and upwards, 1/2 way through and damned pleased with myself!
Cecelia. x
Dont be down Cecilia, I know its awful in so many ways, but we have no choice.
mastectomy, chemo, rads, hormone treatment are the only way, just do as you are told! Ive just finished rads…worse than chemo in my opinion, and although I feel sooooooooooo low some days, I must be brave and carry on for everyone - kids, partner, mum and dad. No one knows what we feel each day, but we have to believe it’s making us better. I have never asked about a prognosis, as I would never get out of bed each day if it was bad, instead I have worked all through barring a few days off for each chemo session. I admit some days I have been totally useless at work, but allowances have been made, my employer, Volvo Trucks HQ, have been great, paying me for all my time off since November, when I actually was only entitled to 1 week. I went to work today minus my wig of 6 months, a bit scarey, but everyone complimented me on my 2cm (being kind really?). I just couldnt stand the wig any longer. Gone past caring about other people view me now, its all about me !
Ain’t this disease a bummer !!! Hang on in there !
Ann
Thanks Ann
Like you I have been at work most days, excepting a couple of days around chemo, and a whole week with the hair loss!
But I went to work this morning and had to leave after about 2 hours because I felt so terrible. But like your employers, they are great and completely understand.
It is a bummer, a new emotion each day right now… Tomorrow can only get better!
Thanks for all your support ladies
Cecelia. x
Hi Ceclelia I was just reading your post and thought I would send you one which may just cheer you up a little bit. Well I finished chemo 3 weeks ago after having masectomy and 8 chemos I lost all my hair I had a wig which I hated as it made me sweat so much. I was quite ill through all my chemos for the first week. I spent lots of time upstairs lying in bed crying. I thought it would never end. Now I am post chemo and I feel fantastic The wig has gone and my hair is back It did come back grey and I hated it So I got the nice and easy out and am now back to my blond hair. I went to-day and picked up my new designer glasses and I feel fantastic. I do have to take Arimadex tablets for 5 years so I have been on them for a week no side effects so far.So there is light at the end of the tunnel I was feeling like you a few months ago I never thought I would ever feel normal again but I do and this site has helped me so much. I know at the moment you wont feel you will get to the end of all this horrible stuff but you will. I hope you do feel a lot better soon I will be thinking of you. You Take Care Love Linda xxxxx
Hi Linda
It is hard at times, and I’m going to admit that now and just give into it if I feel low. I feel better today.
I’m pleased that you are feeling so much better, thanks for your lovely message.
Cecelia. x
Hi Cecelia,
I am so glad you are feeling better today. I was feeling exactly like you were almost a week ago. To be honest, I can be a bit of a weeping willow sometimes but on this occassion I felt really, really down. Anyway, everyone on here was so kind and lifted my mood no end.
Like you I have now come to accept the fact that I can’t be bright, cheery, positive and optimistic all the time. This is sh*t and I think we are all well within our rights to have a mope and a cry every now and then. I’ve perked up loads since sat but its chemo day again tomorrow and that usually starts me off again!!
Anyway, I really hope your mood continues to lift and you are ok. Take care of yourself,
Kelly
-x-
Hi Cecelia
I have had 4 treatments of FEC and then the operation to get rid of the bc then on Thursday I finished my 4th lot of taxotere and just to say there is light at the end of the tunnel. I feel so much better now only 5 days on, than I have through all the treatment. My hair grew back after the FEC and it was darker than before, I’ve lost some since I started taxotere but I know it will grow back. I have a wig and my 9 year old son wants it after I’ve finished with it, I don’'t dare ask what he has planned.
Hope your treatment goes easier for you.