bad dream

Hi
This is my first posting, I attended my annual check up on last wed 15th after having a lump removed in 2002 which was fine, it was discovered that I had A. D. H… so i have been on yearly appointments since. Last week I arrived to be told I was being discharged as they were very pleased with me and I would now be placed under my local authority with 3 yearly mammograms, I had an exam and was told all seemed well, but I was worried that I had an mammogram last year and that it would be 4 yrs till I would be called again under the other system, so it was agreed that I would have one done that day, so result happiness! then I would be transfered over, I was quite happy, then after the mammogram a doctor said they were going to give me a ultra scan, then followed biopsies on both breasts, I was in shock! they asked me when my follow up app was for, and I replied that I was being discharged today, they just looked at each other, I then was sent to see a doctor who told me that he was not sure about the left breast but the right looked serious and was breast cancer, he then asked if I had any questions, all i could say was you were discharging me. i keep shaking and feel very nervous, I hear myself telling people that I have breast cancer but I feel like I am in a dream. Both my biopsies were from behind my nipple, I find myself wondering what I will look like in a few weeks time, and how it would feel with no breasts, I sleep, but have this dream over and over about being discharged from the hospital and then being diagonised. I have an app for next thursday 23rd sept and looking at what others are saying will have to make decisions then about my treatment, Sorry to go on but I feel in shock1 I am sure many others are going through the same thing, and am so pleased I have found this site, to just sit down and write this down has helped. Thankyou to anyone who reads this.

Hi

I’m not surprised your in shock sounds like a bit of a mix up to say the least. But at least you know now and were not sent away, thank goodness they did the tests. It is so much to take in and to be honest there are times now that i hear myself talk about cancer and it still doesn’t seem real, i’m on rads so nearly finished. It will sink in slowly and you will take things in as much as you can. Try to be good to yourself and take it one step at a time. The treatment is not the easiest thing i’ve ever done but it is totally manageable and the people you meet on the way will really help you. In my experience the doctors and nurses are so lovely. The helpline here is great in fact BCC are brilliant i don’t know what i would have done without them.

Wishing you well for next week please let us know how you are or if your need anything.

Sending a big hug Jaynexxxx

I’m so sorry that this has happened and I understand how totally overwhelming it is. Being told that you have BC is devastating to say the least. The shock must have been even greater as you were about to be discharged thinking all was ok. Good thing is though that they found it when they did. And, until the biopsy results are available, it’s hard to know exactly what they have found. I remember years ago going to the breast clinic with my mum who’d felt a pea-sized lump in her breast. After examination she was told, by a very experienced doctor, that he was certain the lump was cancerous. After having it aspirated, it turned out to be a cyst…

Hopefully once you know all your results, and what the treatment plan will be, you will feel more in control. It is a nightmare, no question, but I found that once I knew what treatment I was to have and when, I felt a little better. When you go next week, maybe you could take someone with you for moral support? There’ll be a lot of information being given and, with the shock you may not take it all in, having someone with you helps with that. Also write down any questions (I had what felt like dozens)to ask the doctor, what choices you have etc. And you’ll find lots of support and plenty of cyber hugs on here when you need it.

Saying try not to worry is useless I know, just be kind to yourself and take it easy. Will be thinking of you on Friday, do let us know how you get on if you can. x

What an awful way to get your diagnosis, I’m so sorry. There is no good way of course, but that must have been especially difficult and I’m not surprised you’re having a recurring sleep/waking nightmare over the whole thing.

Once you have biopsy results and you know what’s what, I hope things get a little easier. While you have your appointment on 23rd, I’ll be having my 4th round of chemotherapy. I never thought I’d be here and also felt like I was living in a dream when I was diagnosed. It takes time to adjust to a new reality.

I really hope your results are good but there are plenty of people to talk to here if not. xxxx Jane

Hi Hope57,
I’ve just read your post and wanted to wish you well on Friday. I’ve just had a rough week after they found something on my kidney during a CT scan. It’s such a shock and not knowing what it really is is dreadful. But the good thing for both of us is that it’s been found and now we’re in good hands. I’d like to repeat the good advice given by cass141, to try to take someone with you and to go armed with questions written down. My mind goes blank in these appointments and I only really take in half of what is said, so it really does help to do this. Thinking of you. xx

Hi Hope57

Welcome to the Breast Cancer Care discussion forums. I am sorry to read of your recent diagnois and the tough time you are having at the moment. As well as the support you are receiving from the other users you may find it helpful to talk things through with one of the trained members of staff on the BCC helpline. Here you can share your feelings and concerns with someone who will offer a listeneing ear as well as support and information. The number to call is 0808 800 6000 and the lines are open Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm and Saturday 9am to 2pm.

I hope this is helpful.

Bestwishes Sam, BCC Facilitator

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What an horrendous way to find out. BUT calm down and take one day at a time.

I was DX over two years ago and made the mistake of googling too much. It scared me silly.

Your’re in the worst possible place at the moment but you will feel better - promise! Once you know what you’re dealing with and what the treatment will be you will feel more in control.

Once the treatment has started you will have a focus.

Don’t despair. Take support from your family and from this website.

Mal

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Hi
All!

Thanks so much for your support, it means so much, I am experienceing lots of diverent reations from people, this morning when taking the grandchildren to school I was ign9ore by people, and the ones I have told do not mention it, I am screaming inside! my daughter is a radiographer and keeps wanting to tell me about treatment, in the end I upset her by saying I had had enough discussion. I havent cried yet but feel like I could burst. This morning a neighbour told me to smile, I just bit his head of and said I had just been diagnoised with B.C. I think I am becomeing a horrible person. I go from being unable to cope with anything, to being ok. last night I couldnt even cook dinner for the grandchildren, when they started to arrgue I just walked out into the garden. When will I return from shock???

Just had my app changed till Friday as they are going to disscuss my case on Thursday.

Thankyou to everyone, and I too send hugh hugs to you all
X

People all act differently i found that really odd at eh beginning. I think some people don’t know what to say or they try to say something and it comes out the wrong way. The problem is it’s hard for you to deal with that just now, normally you might just brush it aside but you have enough on your plate at the moment. You will come back to yourself it is a really big shock. Just give yourself time.

Sending you a big hug xxxxx

All the very best for Thursday. Do take someone with you to take notes or even take a tape recorder. My surgeon and oncologist were happy for us to tape the conversation. When I was diagnosed I didn’t absorb any of the conversation and had to check with the BCN a few days later to get all the details. Fingers crossed for you

Hi Hope57
Sorry to hear the way you learned about the BC; thank goodness they did another mammogram and didn’t just send you away without one.
I was diagnosed with BC on September 3rd and I am due for surgery next Monday. At first I felt very calm about it, but now I find that my moods are all over the place. I didn’t actually cry until last Sunday.
I feel very low - it’s like the sort of depresson I had after my mother passed away. It feels like I’m under a black cloud, or in a dark tunnel with no light at the end of it.
I’m finding sleep hard to come by and since starting on the tamoxifen find I am getting terrible hot flushes especially at night.
The wait for the op is hard enough but I’ve been told that waiting for the results afterwards can be even worse.
I also feel that I’m being very selfish - thinking about me all the time. Do you know what I mean?
Best of luck to you.

I was DX in July and am going to my rads planning appmnt tomorrow- this site has been a God-send, full of amazing women with wonderful advice! All I can add is take each appointment a step at a time and try not to imagine the worst-case scenario for you. It does take time to adjust having BC and going from someone who barely cried at anything to weeping at adverts, its been a challenging time…but its never as bad as you imagine - the waiting game is tough, but fill your days with positive things and meet up with positive people and don’t worry about being self-obsessed - its just your brain coming to terms with your new situation. We’ll all be thinking of you on Thursday/Friday, so you’re never completely alone in this. Big hug!!

posted on behalf of Hope57

hope57 on 21 Sep 2010 23:03
hi Thanks for responding to my post, this is very new to me, but what a relief that so many people take the time to send a hug! What you say about when you mum died is just what I have been feeling, and it is so like grief, I am so sorry that you feel so down at the moment, imagine your dark tunnel filled with the most beutiful flowers and all the nice things that you like. I keep going to bed and pulling the duvet over my head, I think people would say I am hiding my head in the sand, well so be it , I feel safe in bed, and at the moment I want to feel safe, hope you have a safe place. Wish I had some magic words to make you feel better, but I will be thinking of you and hope that the next few days will improve for you. Hugs and flowers in your tunnel A X

Hi All

One step forwards and two steps back it still seems like a bad dream.
I have my node biopsy and another surgicsl biopsy on the left, with a poss node biopsey on left too, not sure. all this is being done on the 6th Oct with my surgery which will be one or two masectomies on the 19th. So all sytems go! I have to make a decision about reconstruction, any advice? I am favouring the easiest option of implants, Is there anyone who has them to give me advice as to how they look and feel please!!!

I am terrifed but take comfort that I am not alone, and thank you all for your email hugs, sending loads to all of you
A XXXXXXXX

Hi Hope and Mousebrown, just wanted to send you both a big hug. I know what a difficult time this is. It will improve after the op, just knowing that the cancer has gone is a huge positive step. Hang on in there girls. I’m waiting to start chemo. Should have been yesterday, but postponed till Thursday. More waiting!! Try and meet up with positive friends and do something you enjoy. It does help. My friends have been great keeping me busy!! Good luck to you both. Love and hugs xx