My journey up until now, started whilst on holiday 23.9.14, two days after our 29th wedding anniversary. It was the first day and I’d just finished reading Bernie Nolans biography. I don’t have a full length mirror at home, and have never looked at my breasts to check their shape size. I check my breasts everyday In the shower however and up until now have found nothing.
In her book Bernie describes she only felt her lump by using the palm of her hands and sliding them down. So I thought ‘I’ve never heard of doing this’? … So there I was standing in front of a full length mirror examining my breasts in a different country? And … THUD!!!, there she was, the lump! I’m guessing anyone who’s posted on hear knows the feeling of being totally gutted ’ like being punched in the stomach’. You see I’d had a dimple on my left breast for months before this but never had a lump, I just put it down to my yo-yoing weight, and broken down skin elasticity and stretch marks were prominent also?? I am always such a positive person, I’m never paranoid always finding a bright side to things, but this … This has definately got me worried!! I thought I stupidly was safe after my mum was tested negative for the BRC2 gene, although 3 of her siblings had a positive result. Breast cancer is prevalent in our family history and only in the last few years since my aunt and cousin had it was there any genetic testing done. It is quite uncanny that working as a healthcare worker I performed the blood tests on two of my aunts and my mum??? It’s certainly is a strange world!
So … There I was on holiday, trying to keep this from my husband, as I didn’t want to spoil his holiday, no friends to talk to, and two weeks before getting back to go see my GP! Those were a very long two weeks, I had to let on in the end to my husband as the stress was too much to bare/hide.
However I managed to get back a day early from my break and didn’t wait a minute later to make an emergency appointment, my doctor referred me straight away, I was confused as expected to have to argue to get a referral? I wasn’t given a time limit and knew nothing about how long I should have to wait. I’d had two of my friends who had gone through similar experiences and they told me I shouldn’t have to wait over two weeks as per guidelines etc. I waited 2 wks 2 days. The hospital appointment desk contacted me via a phone call, and said a letter to confirm the appointment will be sent shortly in the post.
It was the 21st of October I had my appointment, more or less a month after finding my lump. My friends had both had very positive first appointments and had expressed to me how nice and friendly the doctors and nurses had all been. So although feeling totally crushed, I went with my husband to my first initial appointment. Unfortunately my experience was not as they’d described!
I was giver name form to fill out, r.e. about medical history and about any breast cancer in family etc. which I filled in thouroughly. My appointment was at 9.30 am and we attended at 8.50 am, obviously rather get there early than risk being late. However it was about 10.15 am by the time I was called in.
The nurse was indeed very nice which helped as I was very stressed. The doctor asked me a load of questions I suppose to clarify the questionnaire I’d just filled out. He then examined my breasts by way of laying me on my back and feeling for any lumps, which I expected, I then sat up and he felt for any swollen lymphs in my neck and shoulders, although he didn’t explain that to me, I just assumed. I then told him that the only way I could feel my lump ( as he couldn’t ), was by sliding the palm of my hands downwards across it. It was too late obviously as he was washing his hands by that time. I felt that he didn’t want to listen to me, I mean after all i know my own body, and plenty of my friends had felt my lump as they had listened to me and examined me accordingly but no … He was finished with me, ’ un palpable’ ! was what he put on my notes! And I was to come back in two weeks for a mammogram??? I was so upset and frustrated by his behaviour towards me his patient, he just blatantly disregarded anything I tried telling him! I ended up getting very tearful, which I’d been trying to hold back all morning. I told him he couldn’t make me wait another two weeks etc. when the nurse who’d been present in the room more or less said to the doctor that I should have the mammo that day! The relief I felt just by knowing I was going to have it that day. Thank god for that kind nurse.
I had to wait for a couple of hours but I did not care, I’d have waited all day if I’d had to! After the mammo obviously more waiting around for the results, … The doctor said that although he could see no lesions, ‘cancer’, the result was in conclusive and I’d have to come back in two weeks for a needle core biopsy. So I didn’t feel like tepid achieved anything much that day.
Nine days passed and I was getting worried that my appointment may have got lost in the post. I decided to ring the breast clinic who told me they couldn’t look up any appointments as it was radiology who gave them out and they couldn’t see on there computer screens. So she put me through what turned out to be radiology for a sister hospital. Who rudely suggested to me that the breast clinic could have told me the appointment! I then thought hang on a minute so I told her I was fed up being given the wrong advice and didn’t quite expect to get passed from one department to another, or even have to chase up the appointment. She soon gave me my appointment date. Really??? Should we have to go through that when we are feeling so damn vulnerable any way??? Sort it out amongst your dept’s, not try and relive your frustrations out on the patients! Very bad practice!!!
I am presently waiting for my biopsy which will have taken up another 3.5 wks, not the two I was led to believe. Why can’t they just be truthful and say it could take longer! Rather than make us panic that something has gone astray!
It is a dreadful time waiting as we are all too well aware. I’m having some really good days where I’m feeling quite sane and just a couple of bad days but more to do with frustrations re appointments and being given false time limits!!!
I’m only hoping through the doctor putting non palpable on my notes that this hasn’t been the reason for the time being delayed, and not being treated as urgent! I have quite a large lump, more translucent veins on that side and the dimple when I lean forward. To me this is urgent!!! Sorry for the rant but am so frustrated!!!
Hello Angie66
Welcome to the forums, this must be very difficult time for you. I’m sure other users will be along to support you soon.
In the meantime, maybe you would like to talk things through with a member of our helpline staff who are there to offer practical information as well as emotional support. The free phone number is 0808 800 6000 and the lines are open Monday to Friday 9.00 to 5.00 and Saturday 10.00 to 2.00.
with best wishes
June, moderator
I know exactly how you feel,the clinic I attended for the mammogram ultrasound biopsy is horrid,Where I live is a small town so had to travel to the breast screening clinic,my god it was like a cattle market,no friendliness at all ,rush rush rush,I have changed my consultant as he had no time to explain just left breast care nurse to carry on explaining!i have since been to my gp through stress and anxiety ,I always thought these places were supposed to be calming to put us ladies at ease !
If you need any advice call the hospital and ask to speak to a breast care nurse to reassure you,I am due to go for lumpectomy hopefully soon,it’s the waiting that gets you down,it’s ok people saying focus on something they are the ones that are not waiting for results!
I hope you go on ok,keep your chin up and stay in touch xx
Thanks for your feedback. Did call the clinic and asked them to explain a few things to me. Until I have biopsy and get results I unfortunately will still be riding the emotional roller coaster . Good days and bad.
Good luck with your procedure. Xxx
Good news, news I really didn’t bank on … But there is no cancer! ???
I was so sure but that’s how your mind works, you end up convincing yourself.
I had a stereotactic biopsy last Thursday, and had an appointment for the results this Wednesday, where I was given the results as soon as I walked through the door!
Apparently at my time of life where your hormones are all over the place you can get extra normal breast tissue growth, and during pregnancy this can happen. Trouble is because it was a significant lump which had pushed out veins making them more prominent and with the dimple that I ignored for months it’s very easy to convince yourself of the worse case scenario!
I really have a better understanding of how people feel during all the investigations and the long waiting times, it’s truly horrific.
God speed everyone and thanks for the feedback. Xx