Hi all. I’ve been thinking for three days and my head is about to explode. I think I’ve made a decision about what surgery to have but still dread it. Forgive me, but writing things down really helps me process stuff. OK so here we go….
Having to do this at all is awful but it will keep me alive. I’m encouraged by reading and listening to others’ experiences and realising that people do, on the whole, get over it. They become comfortable with their new body. I so so so so wish I could jump to that point without going through the stuff in-between!!!
I’m 63 and I’ve never focused much on my boobs. Having to think about them now hurts my head. I don’t have children. My boobs have always been just ‘there’. They’re a B cup. I hate wearing a bra, always have, and wear one mainly when out in the summer (and when seeing a boob surgeon in the winter ha ha I think the nurse inwardly laughed at my ancient thing with baggy elastic. I had to blow the dust off).
So, I’ve decided to go for a single mastectomy. Seeing those words written on my phone are terrifying!! But one step closer to accepting it. One-step-at-a-time. Deep breaths.
A reconstruction or therapeutic mammaplasty appeals to me on one level: I’ll have 2 boobs, but not on another: they’ll always be different from each other, and how they look now, in many ways, and will age differently (plus I’ll need radiotherapy). Having one boob at home won’t matter once I’m used to it. I can wear a prosthesis when it matters outdoors in the summer, or be brave and go without. They’re slowly sliding under my armpits as it is. Navigating how much I care about what other people think, plus looking at my new self, will be the hard part. But I’ll have to do that anyway if I have a mammoplasty. I aspire to be a socially rebellious uniboober if I can reach that. I really hope so!! Plus I may well get my first tattoo. Totally Rad lol. I’ve found the tribe I want to belong to (not out of any choice of my own, or theirs, but needs must).
For me, a mastectomy means I can be honest to myself. I totally understand why it’s not right for many other people. Everyone who goes through BC has to get used to having a different body. My journey will be becoming a uniboober. There, I wrote it again. That’s twice now. Now I’m gonna cry and have some wine when I’ve calmed down. My surgeon says wine is OK, so I shall obey!!!
I’m a mono-boober. For me as a coward, the clincher was the thought that a new reconstructed boob apparently (here in Germany) needs replacing after seven years. I also thought my love-life, where my breasts played an important role, was over.
Subsequently the surviving boob (A cup) is starting to sag so I’ll need a better bra solution. I hate the jellylike falsie and seldom use it. But love my amazonian look with good scar.
Hi geehh, I very much doubt you are a coward! You have transformed yourself into an Amazonian which is a phenomenal achievement. I hope I can be equally brave! Thank you for replying and showing it’s possible!
I too had implant replacement/removal on my list of reasons not to have one. I will be 70 by then and don’t want extra surgery at that age. I expect that I too will hate the (in my case) pink jelly boob prosthetic. They look hot and sweaty. At the moment I’m looking at uno bra which look comfortable and well designed. Or I may just use a crop top. Let’s see. I hope my scar is good. I’m a bit overweight so might have a droopy bit left under my arm. I’ve seen lots of scars on the amazing flatfriends website. My biggest worry is chronic pain - how has it been for you?
I had my first bc at 47 and went for LD reconstruction with implant. I was totally comfortable with my decision! Ive had a recurrence in the last year and automatically went for implant replacement and prior to surgery. It didnt cross my mind to go any other way. However having had radiotherapy on the old reconstruction but with a new implant, I am questioning my decision. Im 67 now and keep thinking why didnt I just go for another mastectomy and have done with it. I think im looking at a few complications now due to the radiotherapy.
I dont care what folk think about how I look but at 47 maybe I cared more! I cant remember! I really dont fancy more surgery to save my reconstruction. Ive got a scan coming up to check whats going on since radiotherapy, which was 3 months ago now. Its been ok up until recently. Maybe I have a decision to make.
Im completely with you and especially in the wine department
Hi susienight, Thank you for replying! It’s interesting how age can impact surgical decisions in some cases. I spoke to someone yesterday who is 36 and went for a full reconstruction. I think I might well have done that at her age and, like you, at 47. Life seems so long at that age. But now, knowing how life flies past so quickly and that I’ll be in my 70s before I know it, I just want to get this disease out of me and get on with living. It’s gonna be difficult to adjust but that applies to any surgery.
I hope things go well with you and that your upcoming scan results are good.
So proud of you whilst reading this. It is no small thing making this decision and the way you have thought about it and are looking towards your future self is very inspiring.
Cancer changes us, physically and mentally. Some more than others but regardless we are all changed.
This is something I am coming to terms with. My new boob is different and it doesnt look like its sister anymore but I am going to love it just the same. Maybe even more. Scars and all.
Your uniboob is what you sacrificed for your life. And when you think about it, there isnt much we wouldn’t give for more life. If it costs a boob, or 2 boobs. I think it’s worth it. It just takes time and lots of love and kindness to come to terms with it.
Hiya, I’m a uniboober too. My original surgery was a diep flap reconstruction but unfortunately after 4 weeks it was discovered that the blood supply had failed and it had to be removed in an emergency operation. The result is a very untidy, lumpy bumpy mess which I will need some further surgery at some point to “tidy up”. I belive it’d be much neater if it was agreed to just have the mastectomy in the first place.
Anyway, I’m surprisingly ok with having one boob. I usually wear a prosthesis during the day and definitely with tighter fitting tops. Im now confident enough to wear a sports crop top without any insert in under a hoodie or jumper.
One thing that does bother me is I have to consider necklines very carefully. Anything low or vneck just doesn’t sit quite right even with a prosthesis.
Best of luck with your surgery and for the future x
Thank you foxgem!! I’m pleased your surgery went well and that you love your new boob.
My thoughts frequently slide back to wtf but I drag them back to more positive ones. Hopefully as days go by there’ll be less need to do that. I’ll hopefully get a date this week so can plan things better.
This forum is brilliant! Thank you for being on it!
Wow you have certainly been through it! You’re incredible. It must have been so very difficult when things didn’t go as planned. Psyching yourself up for surgery is difficult enough but then having the disappointment, the risks, the worry, the emergency surgery….my goodness. It reinforces my decision to have a mastectomy. Thank you for sharing!
I understand the neck line issue. There’s not only how it looks but also the bending forward and having it gape. Or the strap of a bag pulling the neckline off a shoulder, or down into a non existent cleavage. I’ll sort it out. At least it’s a few months till summer and there’s time.
Hats off to you for going without a prosthesis sometimes! It sounds like you’ve come to terms with your new body. I hope I can do the same!!
Best of luck with your future tweaks! Thanks for being so inspirational!
You’ve been having similar conversations with yourself to the ones I had nine months ago. It’s such an intensely personal decision and it’s difficult to know whether your feelings about reconstruction will change, which can make it hard. It sounds as though you’re coming to terms with it and seeing yourself with one boob, which is great.
I’m 61. Had a single mastectomy, was very self-conscious at first, was convinced everyone knew I had a prosthetic and that I looked wonky, (they didn’t and they don’t), was annoyed at the amount of extra time it took to get ready in the morning and looking for a decent bra was disheartening at times.
I had decided quite quickly I didn’t want a reconstruction, was remarkably unbothered about having a single boob and once I’d said goodbye to it (yes I really did) and my husband and I had both had a bit of a cry, my attitude just changed very gradually.
I now only wear the prosthetic when I feel I need to look “respectable”, so in public when I can’t justify wearing a big coat, and once I’d greeted the neighbours in a t shirt with no bra on a few times, I started to grow in confidence. I’m a lot happier and feel more myself without the prosthetic so I think I’ll be doing that more.
I definitely wanted a tattoo and now I definitely don’t. I think I’ve had enough buggering about in that area, thank you. It does still feel a bit weird occasionally but reconstruction felt weirder to me (no disrespect at all to those who went for reconstruction and I’m pretty sure had I been ten/twenty years younger it would have been a different decision).
Hi nelly1, thank you so much for this! It’s good to know there’s somebody out there of a similar age who thought similar things that I think now. I hope I can adjust as you have, given time. I had a big wobble this evening after drafting an email to the nurses about my decision (I haven’t sent it yet) and recovered by talking to my husband and rereading my list of pros and cons. The email looked so stark and final in black and white. Like you said, there is often a lingering doubt that I haven’t made the right decision. I think it’s helpful to accept that there may will be even though the logic of the list suggests otherwise. Emotions about this whole ghastly experience can bubble up and cloud rational decisions.
I keep saying good bye too, whilst remembering that I’m not saying goodbye to a healthy boob! There are two blighters in there intent on creating havoc. They can b off. Soon I will be saying hello to a life-giving scar that I will learn to love! I never thought I’d be writing that when I got up today, so that’s an achievement!
It’s interesting to read about your changing perspective on using a prosthesis, wearing a bra and getting a tattoo. That’s helpful to know. Things evolve. You’ve done so well!
If there is one thing I have learnt from this whole experience it is that everyone’s journey is different and hard decisions have to be made. I am very similar to you. I was brought up on a farm and I was the tomboy outside running. Like yourself I had never given my boobs a lot of thought and when at home am usually braless. My bras are also old and I never ever wore any bras with bones, rather the comfiest I could find. Fast forward and when I was diagnosed with cancer in my right breast I felt almost annoyed because if it had of been in both I would have opted to go completely flat. In the Public system they don’t have that option. My wonderful second surgeon showed me some props and when I picked up the prothesis I knew in my heart of hearts I would never wear it. For myself I have decided to go for short term pain for long term gain and go for a Diep. I am hoping it will work out alright surgically so I can heal and head into the future with my own tissue going into my (probably more structured) bra. I am glad you came to your decision and are happy with it. I feel that is key…… you have to be happy with your decision as you are the one who will be living with it long-term,
Dear Lollipop1, i am also a uniboober and have been for 4 years. i knew straightaway i would not have any reconstruction surgery and i have not regretted my decision. i was given a prosthesis by the hospital but it has never fitted right and makes my skin sore on the rare occasions I feel i have to wear it. in the past I have spent loads of money on different bras, now I rarely wear one. My scar is not pretty but I just have to ignore it and I have a droopy bit under my arm, oh well. Courage to everyone with bc and good luck. xx
Thanks for your post! It’s good to have a longer term perspective. Also I now realize that there are as many ways of dealing with a scar as there are people who have them. Loving it, ignoring it, and everything in-between. There’s no right way.
I did wonder about chafing and soreness so thank you for sharing your problem with that. I’m sorry to hear it but encouraged by the fact that you’ve found a way through it all.
We do sound similar in many ways! I totally respect your decision and hope your surgery goes well for you. As you say, decisions are intensely personal and difficult. Everyone dealing with bc is amazing. I’m donating tissue to genetics research at Cambridge so hopefully something useful can come out of it all eventually, even if not for me personally.
Hello Lollipop, I became a uniboober at the age of 67. I didn’t even consider any type of reconstruction. Unfortunately I do have large boobs (G cup), so the difference is very noticeable.
Two years on and I’m still struggling with my body image, but am adamant that I don’t want any further surgery. I usually don’t wear my prosthesis, bur wear baggy clothes and scarves to cover up. I am having counselling around my general mental health as well as for the cancer and it’s treatment.
It sounds to me that you will be fine with being a uniboober, but if you need support then ‘Flat friends’ is a charity for anyone with single or double mastectomy. Good luck.
I’m so sorry you are facing this illness. I am 3 months post single mastectomy age 43 and adjusting to returning to work. I wanted to be fully informed of my options (which I was fortunate to be offered any/ all) and come the surgery day I was very calm and at ease with the decision. I got onto the specialist bra websites and bought a selection in the sale section of different colours and sizes. I’m glad I did that in advance tbh. I’d never been a bra person before …. Turns out like lots of things in life quality matters and I find those so much comfort than the M&S ones. I’m adjusting and now have my proper prosthetic, which I wear most of the day except when I’m running when I wear a softie or nothing depending on the bra. Last month I ran a half marathon race in the Middle East where I escaped to over Xmas. I feel well, and range of motion is back, I will work on improving my strength as today I couldn’t open a heavy door
You will be on the other side of this before you know it. The hospital stay for me was very simple, staff were fabulous and I was off painkillers in a few days. My scar is very neat - significantly more than any pictures I saw online. Now you’ve decided, I hope peace emerges and clarity calms you. Wishing you so much luck and big virtual hugs to you
Recent (4 weeks!) uniboober here, reduction on the remaining breast as they found cancer both sides. I’ve found it easier than I expected in many ways to look at my new body. One of my problems is the flat side bra does ride up a little and just tugging down on the softie to adjust doesn’t look so good in public! Not sure I am brave enough yet (or healed enough) to go out without the softier prosthetic but I hope to soon. More treatment to get done first. My biggest reasons were the improved recovery with no reconsturction, and wanting to get on with cancer treatment beyond.
I wish you all the best with your decision, it’s not easy but in someways I’ve found it oddly liberating which is hard to explain.
I’ll look out for the lady tugging her bra! How annoying for you. I hope you manage to find a bra that fits better. It’s good hear you’re doing OK otherwise!
that I will learn to love! I never thought I’d be writing that when I got up today, so that’s an achievement!