Hi all
My mum has just been diagnosed with secondary bone cancer after having breast cancer 9 years ago. Finding it really hard at the minute, trying to stay strong for her but also being unable to talk about it with anyone. I have lots of friends who don’t mind talking about it but I hate making a conversation depressing and so I end up keeping it to myself which I know isn’t good.
Just thought I would post on here to see if there is anyone else going through a similar experience x
Kim
Dear Kim, welcome to the BCC forums
In addition to the valuable support you will soon have here from your fellow users please feel free to call our helpline to talk through your feelings and concerns, our team are here to offer you a listening ear, other support services and information to help you and your Mum in this difficult time.
The helpline number is 0808 800 6000 lines are open 9-5 weekdays and 10-2 Saturdays
Take care
Lucy
Hi Kim,
I completely understand what you’re going through. When my mum was diagnosed last christmas I was so devastated but continued to put on a happy act infront of everyone else. You don’t want to put a downer on the conversation or mood when spending time with your friends. But trust me it will really help if you do talk to someone who you’re close with. Maybe not do it on front of a group of people if you won’t want too but maybe pull a closer friend aside and tell her or him how you’re feeling.
I bet all your friends are worried about you but don’t want to bring it up as they don’t want to upset you. They won’t be angry with you for telling them how you’re feeling, they will probably feel more comfortable as they will just want to support you and if you allow them to ask questions then it makes the situation a lot less depressing.
Hope this helps and that you’re having a good day. Sophie x
Hi Kim
My mum had breast cancer 2 years ago and has just been diagnosed with secondary cancer… hers are in her spine, liver and aesophogus.
Like you i’m finding it hard… and while my friends and husband are being great i find talking to them difficult for the same reasons you do.
I’d happily talk to you… or listen to you. who knows where our mums are going to end up but if we can support each other i’m sure we’ll be able to support them.
Cheers
Steph…
Hi Sophie and Steph
Thank you so much for your replies, in a strange way, knowing there are other people feeling the same thing makes me feel a little bit better.
Mum came out of hospital yesterday after being there for 3 weeks due to her pain. They found 2 tumours in her spine and she has now had two courses of radiotherapy. She is going to discuss her chemotherapy on Tuesday but I know this will probably be the start of a really tough time.
The worst thing for me is that mum seems older than her age and that’s really hard. She is only 57 but she has to use a walking frame to help her walk and she can’t use the stairs, meaning they have had to move a bed into the living room of their house. I think it is this that I find the most difficult when only a few months ago we were going to Zumba together.
I hope your mums are doing okay, please feel free to chat about how you are feeling. It makes it easier talking to those who already know what you’re going through. Even just writing those paragraphs has made me feel better so thank you xx I am currently watching that Stand up to cancer on channel 4 and having a good cry.
Totally understand how your feeling. My Mum has secondary bone cancer too after breast cancer 8 years ago. We’ve just found out that it hasprogressed to her liver and I’m finding it really hard to deal with it. Trying so hard to keep positive and strong for her but it is so hardalso know what you mean about not wanting to make conversations depressing by bringing it up, but I’m sure your friends really don’t mind.
With regards to your point about your Mum seeming older than she is, my Mum was very similar 2 years ago when she was first diagnosed with the secondary. She had to use a stick or frame to get around and couldn’t get up the stairs. But once she started on the chemo it all improved and within a couple of months she didn’t need the stick etc. So just try to keep positive that the chemo has a good effect and she’ll soon be able to do some of the things she used to do.
Take care
Sarah
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