I am 46 and usually healthy. I have this lump seemingly grown overnight. I went to the breast clinic yesterday and had mammogram, sono and core biopsy. They told me straight away it’s a 5, so malignant. Then they told me also that there is a chance it’s “fat necrosis looking dodgy” (I do have a history of trauma).
I am crushed. I am not sure if it’s better to attach myself to that tiny sliver of hope or just preparing myself for the worst case scenario. Plus, two weeks wait to go for the biopsy result! Ohmygod. I’ve taken the day off work because my mind is not there at all, but how the hell I am to cope in these two weeks?
The waiting is the worst. They can be pretty certain from mammo and ultrasound pictures what’s going on, but to be 100% sure, they wait for biopsy results. I waited a week for the results and it was looooong.
Hi Mael,
I really feel for you. It really does take over your mind and it becomes so difficult to concentrate on anything else. I really believe that this being ‘in limbo’ waiting is the worst. I’m currently awaiting my second appointment to the BCC in 6 months. My appointment is next week and I’m trying to keep busy, but I empathise that waiting for biopsy results must be horrendous, especially when they’ve told you it’s malignant already.
I would indulge yourself in some cake or chocolate and if you can concentrate on a book or tv programme, try to keep your mind occupied that way, but I understand how difficult that is.
x
yes I think at first the news is devastating and very hard to come to terms with - they have been premature to tell you it is cancer before the biopsy but are probably preparing you for the worst. Once you know exactly what you are up against, the type of cancer and stage (thats if they are right of course!) you will get a treatment plan and believe it or not it is easier then as you feel that you are able to take control of things and knowing there is a plan to destroy it makes you feel so much better. Like you I was all over the place at first and didn’t go to work as I couldn’t think of anything else and my mind was racing forward with loads of ‘what ifs’ usually the worst case scenarios. I wish I could say something to make you feel better at this moment but waiting is the very worst and I am sure you are having sleepness nights as well which doesn’t help. I just hope that the two weeks passes quickly for you. I had worse case scenario and ended up having Masectomy and a large number of lymph nodes affected too so I had chemo and rads - but now 5 years later I am living a happy and healthy life so on the plus side there is light at the end of that dark dark tunnel. Good luck with your results and lots of hugs xxxx
Thank you saffronseed for your kind words xxx
I know I am in for a rough ride, and I know there’s hope. Right now everything is too much. I am numb… I also have still the bandages from the biopsies, I think I could now take it out and have a bath, I’d love a bath, but I don’t want to see my boob. It doesn’t look too horrible but I just don’t want to see it. I hate it in a sense, I don’t know. Maybe I am afraid to just see something new? All I want it’s to roll myself into a ball and stay in bed.
One of the various things that it’s driving me insane today it’s that sensation that my body doesn’t belong to me anymore, but it’s just a medical thing now, because of the boob who has betrayed me. I feel like a broken toy.
To give an idea of my coping skills or absolute lack thereof – despite not having low blood pressure since my twenties, I faint if I see blood or what psychologists call “violations of bodily envelope”.
I just ripped away very carefully the bandage of the biopsies… from underneath a very opaque t-shirt. I didn’t resist peeking quickly before I binned it, thanks deity it was clean, phew.
And I’d love a bath, but I am waiting for the night for that, for similar reasons.
Hi there, I hope you don’t mind me joining this thread?
I’m in the same boat as you Mael…2 weeks ago I went to my GP as I found a lump on rt breast. Yesterday I went and had a mammogram and ultrasound, the lump I’d felt was a cyst, but the sonographer (or whatever she is?) was very concerned with a 7mm area on my left breast and said I needed a biopsy. I was so shocked! She said it could be scar tissue from a previous breast reduction though. But I knew something was wrong when I went back into the consultant and there was another lady there smiling pitifully (Sorry, I’m sure she is lovely but I was feeling cross!) Turns out she’s a breast cancer helper or something? SO I went back in for biopsy and asked outright if she had to put money on it what does she think. She said she had 22 years experience and she said it looks like cancer. I saw my boob on the scan and it’s no-where near the scar tissue from previous op’. She said the tissue she’s worried about is ‘pulling in on itself’?? I could see what she meant but can’t really explain it.
I’ve gone into practical mode but my husband seems very low. We have 3 teenagers (13, 17 &19) oldest off to USA in a few weeks for summer work. We also lost my mother in law at Christmas from cancer and it’s been a horrendous few months. I’m soooooo worried about telling my kids, they are already still reeling from losing nanny. I’ve told my best friend, my boss and will tell 2 of my other close friends on Saturday over a glass of wine. My biggest fear is that it’s somewhere else in my body too. I’ve felt so crap for months now, is this related to the cancer?? Have I even got cancer?? Sorry again to use this thread but it seemed silly to start another one with exactly the same title. I don’t get results until 22nd May x
Hi Mael,
As other replies have already said, waiting is the worse bit. I knew at my u/s appt that it was cancer, I was told suspicious and knew what that meant. When I went for results I just wanted to know the facts. Once it was confirmed as cancer and was told about my treatment plan I felt so much better. A weight had been lifted from me, I was now in the hands of the professionals and I knew how they were going to get rid of the Cancer. Since diagnosis last week I have found out that other women I know have been through bc and are now well.
This forum has been a god send because you immediately feel surrounded by others going through similar experiences and feeling the same anxieties. Try and stay positive, keep busy, post on the forum and try and find a confidant not too emotionally involved who you can share your thoughts with.
Best wishes
Sandra (SARN66)
I was exactly the same and have not shed a tear but suffered awful anxiety and panic attacks that made me physically sick and I was shaking all the time, the Dr put me in Diasapam and an anti depressant called Cetalipram, the Diasapam works instantly to help calm the anxiety but the other one takes a few weeks to get in your system but once it does it really helps and I rarely take Diasapam now, I’m sure your Dr will be very helpful once you tell them how you feel, don’t try and deal with it on your own,we all need help to get through this xxx
Thanks Mael and others. I also survived my 1st day in work today. I had a meeting with my boss but still haven’t told anyone. I just can’t tell the kids, my daughter has an A-level exam on Monday and she’s been slightly off the rails (drinking etc) since her nanny died at Christmas but has been better lately. I just can’t see the point until we know more info. What if it’s not cancer and they were worried for no reason? I’m probably being naieve I know.
My boob was hurting in work from the biopsies but paracetamol seems to have worked. I’ve gone from feeling like I’m about to go into major panic to feeling like ‘oh well whatever will be, will be’! Whenever I’ve worried about things in life, they alwasy turn out different to what I expected (just like yesterday) so now I don’t know what to tell myself to think about the results? as it will no doubt be different.
I have had aching joints for months to the point that I had blood tests, I’ve been run down and just had a bad case of flu, plus I had a raised liver test, all of which doesn’t help. What if it’s in my bones and there’s nothing they can do?? The thoughts are so consuming and totally exhausting. I just can’t get that womans face out of my head saying “If I had to put money on it, I’d say it’s breast cancer” (whilst also saying she has 22 years experience)
Meal, I hope the panic attacks stop soon! we have a fair few days yet to get through and although it’s probably the worst wait we’ve ever had, the days will go and we will see them though. x
Well I’ve told my mum & dad. I spoke to dad as he’s more practical (less emotional). I just can’t be bothered with any fuss or sympathy, the worry of how everyone else is going to deal with it is sometimes more worrying than whether or not I have cancer!! If that makes sense?
I really want/need to know how often they get it right when they say they think it’s cancer from the ultrasounds scan? Are there any figures on this? What are other’s experiences of it as most of the stuff I’ve read say that they are usually correct in their prediction from the scan.
How many of us are waiting for results on here?
Also, is each post checked before allowing onto the site? as the post I wrote last night wasn’t added until this morning which makes it difficult to have an ongoing/up to date chat about worries and concerns.
Hi, I’ve posted in this thread again yesterday morning but it’s still not showing? I am really struggling right now, I’ve gone into angry mode and I’m shutting everyone out. Plus I could really do with chatting on this forum to others but my posts just aren’t getting through?
How is everyone doing in their waiting? I turned a corner 2 nights ago in work and started thinking differently. It’s as if it was a bad dream when the lady told me she thinks it’s cancer and it’s all actually happening to someone else. I’ve told my dad in a matter of fact way but I don’t want to talk to my mum. My husband thinks I’m guarding myself? Anyway, last night I went into angry mode. In the last 18 months I’ve had a nervous breakdown, depression, given up my career, lost my beautiful mother-in-law…and now this! I feel like putting my hands and head in a stock and letting someone throw sh*t at me whilst saying ‘come on then, is that the best you can do? just keep throwing it and get it over with’.
Sorry that I’m not being positive. I am a Christian but my faith has seriously waned over the months and now it’s at an all time low!
I still haven’t cried. I’m scared that all this stuff is going to change me and turn me into a cold hearted cow 
Mael, it sounds like we’ve been going through the same rollercoaster of emtions for the last few days, probably like everyone in the same boat as us reading this.
I turned a corner a few days ago and went from utter fear to ‘that must have been a bad dream’ I’m fine and this is not happening. I then went into angry mode and felt like standing infront of someone with my head and arms in a stock whilst they throw bucketfulls of sh*t at me, shouting ‘come on then, is that the best you can do’!!! My husband says it’s all a coping, defense mechanism.
I met a couple of friends yesterday and got quite tipsy which I’m regretting today as I feel as rough as a badgers ars*.
The days are going by thank goodness. In a way I’ve accepted the news whilst at the same time I think they’ve got it all wrong.
My sense of humour is definately still alive though as I just asked my husband if he could play Wham-Club Tropicana at my funeral…(unfortunately he didn’t find it very funny!) I really do love that song and have been listening to it dreaming of being on holiday sipping a cocktail…But oh wait a minute! just another stupid annoying fact…our holiday insurance is now through the roof if what they have predicted about my boob is correct :smileymad:
I’m having problems posting on this thread, it’s not that I’ve gone off the radar. Just waiting for the admin team to try and fix it. I have been posting but my messages don’t appear. I hope you are doing ok? I’m up and down like a yoyo!!
Mael, please don’t think I’ve stopped posting. There are problems with my account/posting as they keep dissapearing.
Hope you’re coping ok
Hi Mael,
So sorry you have been diagnosed,it’d very surreal in the beginning but things will happen pretty quick from now on and the hospital will take over and it seems and endless round of appointments but each one taking you closer to the end goal, I first went to Dr on Feb 27th and less than 3 months later I’m now starting rads with the end in sight. I had Grade 1 ER + and Her Negative and due to no node spread am on Tamoxifen and just 3 weeks of rads and prognosis is very good, they will look after you but it’s normal to be she’ll shocked,is still am some days. Take care love Jo xx
Hi mael, I am sorry to read your news. Along with the support you have found here please feel free to call our helpliners for further practical and emotional support on 0808 800 6000 and lines are open 9-5 weekdays and 10-2 Saturdays
Here’s a link to further information and support for you which I hope you will find helpful:
breastcancercare.org.uk/diagnosis
Take care
Lucy BCC
Mael,
My heart goes out to you. Like Kim was dx in January, grade 2 ILC Er+ and no nodes affected about to start rads and tamoxifen.
I was in a very dark place when first dx. Exactly like Kim went to my GP and was prescribed Citlorpram and Dizapam for anxiety when i needed it eg hosp visits scans, surgery etc… It really helped me get through first awful weeks. Things got better after surgery. I would advise seeing your GP as me and Kim did. It worked for us and helped get through this. Why suffer panic attack when u dont have too. I have never taken any anti depessants etc before but I’m glad I did. My onc said it was a really good idea and to stay on them as tamoxifen can give u mood swings. I’m reaching the end of treatment as Kim is. I was a nervous wreck a shell of my former self to start with. Now i have an inner calm and can begin to smile and you will too in time. These dark days will pass. Sending you a hug xxx