Hello girls!,

I have recently finished my breast cancer treatment and I want to finish my marriage too. He has been a completely W----R, very unsupportive and I really want to “extirpate” him from my life. My only fear is, that right now I am on SSP that will finish by sep. and I am scared to be left without beneficts, (housing beneficts, incapacity…) .or in a very poor financial situation as I have problems with this before and I see a lot of you have problems about this particular issue. My doubts are if maybe I should wait till I come back to work and I have a more stable financial situation or I should do it now without fearing of having any troubles with the beneficts.

XX Thanks.

Hi Esthere,
I am very sad that your husband has been such a useless support during your bc ordeal. You really deserve better. However, I am a bit concerned at you making such a big decision at a time like this. I’m only just getting into my treatment, but have read on the forums about people’s feelings being all ‘up the spout’ at the end of treatment - expecting to feel happy and relieved but instead feeling very down and depressed. It’s rarely a good idea to make big life decisions at times of big upheaval.
I wonder if you could find some other sources of support for yourself, for a while, and to buy you some time to plan this thing properly. It would be awful for you to end up alone and with no money either! and a bit of fact-finding now could make a big difference to your outcome financially. I’m sure there are local support services such as counselling available via your GP, breast care services or local hospice. Counselling can give you space to explore your feelings and get yourself on an even keel before you launch in to the difficult business of tackling your husband. Also, you don’t mention if you have any supportive friends around whose advice you respect. Approach anyone you like and respect, even if you don’t know them well. Most people are only too willing to listen and support you if you only give them the chance.
I really hope you find some support and good advice, and wish you all the best

Thank you very much Jacksy for your comments.

I’m afraid that my situation is not due to breast cancer, my relationship has never been good so there was no reason to expect a change during my treatment. Probably, right now, it is not the best moment to take any decision but, when is the right moment?.

I have the support of some friends although I don’t always feel confotable in other people’s company since they have turn to be real BC expert and they don’t stop telling me what to do and how I should feel. I know they do it with the best of the intentions but sometimes they get into my nerves and I have to bit my tongue to not to explode.

Hi esthere -
I was in this position some 37 years ago - had a very physically and emotionally violent husband when I got Crohn’s disease. I think his violence caused my Crohn’s. I left, with just a suitcase and went to live with my elder sister some 600 miles away. Best thing I ever did in my life.
I had no money, except two weeks’ salary, no job, no home, etc. She and her husband supported me until I got well in three months, got a lower grade job, rented a flat and got my life back together. Then met my wonderful 2nd husband. I just dread to think of how I would have coped with such a psychopath (he went to prison for life after attempting to murder his second wife and 2 kids) if I had stayed with him. Your situation may not be as dire as mine was, but if it doesn’t feel right, get out, now. Somehow, you WILL cope, as I did. I do believe, also, that the trauma he caused in my life, many years later when he tried to find me before the police apprehended him, also caused my breast cancer.

You only have one life, and you deserve to have a healthy and happy one.
From a survivor.Liz.