My husband and I were invited to our best friend’s for a BBQ last night, and during the evening they broke the news that J has been diagnosed with breast cancer and she’s going in for surgery next week.I am absolutely devastated and feel so incredibly sad and scared for them as a family, they have two children.
How can I best support her and them as a family? I just don’t know what to do for the best.
I’m so scared that I’m going to lose her but am trying to feel positive at the same time.
hi
try looking at it a different way, how can you help her to recover. look forward, to when she’s getting better, how you can help practically, helping at home, emotionally, by listening (she might want to talk a lot) and by letting her know that you are there for her. It is a devastating thing to be told, but when the shock is over, its good to know that someone is there to lean on, laugh with, all that normal stuff you do together.
As a family they will probably welcome any help with children, shopping all kinds of day to day things, but if they have someone to share the journey with i’m sure they’ll be grateful for that.
if she’s going in for surgery next week, she’s already on the plan of action, just go with the flow and be there for her and her family.
good luck, to your friend and you,
angie xx
Hi,
Sorry you find yourself on here. My friends have been amazing after I blurted it out quite bluntly. I had many friends burst into tears because of the shock. I know though before Wed (op day for me) I will have a barrage of texts and calls and also following Thursday.
Just do as you would normally do, chat, text etc Just knowing everyone is there for you is all you need.
What a good friend you are going to be. Already thinking of how you can help and support them both.
Depending on what surgery she is having, the arm on that side might be a bit painful and she might not be able to lift heavy items for a while. Maybe while she is recoverig from that, you could offer to cook a few simple meals for them e.g. casseroles or perhaps invite them over for a meal if they live close by. there will be a lot of hospital appointments for various treatments, if her husband is unable to take time off work to drive her there, perhaps you could offer to do that.
Just try to think of how you would like others to help you in similar circumstances. Let her have a rant when she is feeling down and if she needs to cry on your shoulder, be there for her.
Don’t forget that her husband may need someone to talk to and lean on too.
Sam, I’m so sorry you’re going through much the same as my friend! I wish you all the luck in the World! J did the same as you and just came out with it, I suppose there’s no beating around the bush - I, like your friends just burst into tears, infact I was almost sick!!! Honestly, what a friend I’m turning out to be in a crisis!!! None of our other firiends know so I’m just trying to carry on as normal as people will know something’s up.
Our daughter’s half way through her GCSEs and absolutely idolises J, she knows we were all upset yesterday but hasn’t asked why. I’m not going to say anything unless she asks. Otherwise we’ll wait until she finishes her exams.
Good idea about cooking some meals, I shall get right on it! I feel bad because I’m going away on business the Wednesday after J’s op and won’t be here for just over 2 weeks. I’ll make it up to her when I get back. My husband’s great though, he’ll take over in my absence.
Sending you all love x
Hi,
You are obviously a great friend and like others have said you can help on so many practical levels. If J has decided not to tell many people she’ll have less support. As Poems said depending on what sort of op she’s having Will depend on how much physical help she’ll need. I had friends who popped round and dusted, ironed and Hoovered whilst keeping me company. And a few ‘stick in the oven’ dishes were a godsend, as were offers of meals out.
When you are away chatty texts and funny e mails will keep her sane! Sometimes it’s good to chat about ‘normal’ things like what the kids gave been up to, what happened at work; the things you chatted about before before she was diagnosed to take the focus off the bc.
Good luck to your friend and look forward to lots of happy times together.
Emma x