Hi, I’d posted in another section but now I’m waiting for results I’d very much value the chance to post here and see if people have ideas.
Married mum of 18 yr old, I’m disabled (so’s hubby and son!). Had an operation last week (gynae) and the day after it we discovered a breast lump 2.3cm.
Now had every test imaginable, with mixed early results and puzzled consultant so far. Full results back next Thursday. Very experienced consultant - did fine needle aspiration, very thoroughly, using his skill and judgement, and results from that came back as not cancer…but he says from all the other initial tests he’d have fully expected it to be so.
I’m not very logical about all of this. I know that there’s a good chance it isn’t. I know that even if it is, there’s probably good treatments, but I’m just so ‘run down’ after the other operation and everything else I’m handing (hubby nearly died from a brain haemorrhage last year but thankfully came through it ok, for example - but there’s always that risk that strain on him will cause another). I’ve run out of ways to cope fully.
What can I do to stop myself from thinking the worst and waking up after a nearly sleepless night, wondering how the heck my family would cope if the worst did happen? Or how I’d cope if the strain of it pushes hubby over the proverbial edge? I’ve got a good social worker but I know how difficult it is to get funding for things.
There’s got to be ideas, techniques, pills, potions, anything at all, to get me through the worst bits. Anyone know what might work?
Many thanks…
Amber
Oh Amber, I can’t imagine what you are going through and don’t want to sound trite and patronising as I type this out. Waiting for test results is the most terrifying bit and there is a good chance that it isn’t cancer for you, but that really doesn’t help you now, sitting waiting I know.
I found that keeping busy was really the only thing that kept me sane, also talking and talking and talking helped me (not just about the results, but just general everyday stuff) with friends, family, BC nurse. I cleaned the house from top to bottom, made cakes, watched tons of tv, read books and had a few glasses of wine, anything that was a distraction. I know this doesn’t help you in the middle of the night and my gp did give me some sleeping tablets and tablets for anxiety. The helpline on this website is very good to ring up for a chat.
I really hope this is a bit helpful for you Amber, there will be more people along soon I’m sure. Just wanted to say you are not alone.
Another good word of advice is my consultant said don’t do any googling on the internet!
Keep in touch.
Rachelx
Hi Amber
I’m in the waiting room with you, but you sound like you’ve really been through the mill. I suppose I’m lucky enough to be able to suppress the panicking until the day I’m supposed to get the results, and just get on with life and keep cheerful the rest of the time, other than an addiction to the BCC forums.
A lot depends on how you deal with things. Would you find it helpful to learn a bit more about breast cancer and its treatments, so that if they say it IS cancer, you’ll have a bit of an idea what might be ahead of you? I know this might not be the approach for everyone as it can be a bit scary if you then imagine that you have the worst possible prognosis, but it might be for you if you can be objective about the information.
A lot of others have suggested doing things that you know need to be done. (I’ve seen the housework suggestion but frankly that was DEFINITELY not for me! 
) That’s not quite the thing for you perhaps, as you’re recovering from surgery so it would probably be best not to throw yourself into a vigourous spring clean.
Are there any less physical things you’ve been meaning to do?
Oh, just seen pinkrose’s post, and lots of good suggestions in there too.
Good luck for your results, it’s horrible having to wait.
CM
x
It’s no good saying ‘take one day at a time,’ is it, as it’s not today that is the problem, it’s all the other days. Ask your GP for something to help you sleep or deal with the anxiety for a few weeks. Read, watch telly, play computer games… indulge in distractions, as the others have suggested.
Talk to your social worker. Sometimes starting with ‘OK, what if it really is the worst, what then?’ is the only place you can start and may actually ease your mind in some ways by making you feel less helpless. Plan for the worst, hope for the best.
Best wishes,
Cheryl
Heck and double heck. Hubby has got into such a panic that he’s pre-convinced himself that I do have cancer…and told our teenage son this in the car on the way to 6th form school this morning. I’ve now had to try to sort it all out after a night of almost no sleep anyway.
Not what I need right now.
Had to involve my social worker and see if she will go with us to the consultant meeting on Thursday as there’s no way I want hubby to be handling any news and then trying to drive home again etc.
I hope you can at least get transportation to and from, to take that worry off your mind.
Cheryl
Well, I’ve got about an hour and a half to go before I know what’s what. Feel strangely calm right now.
Well, it is breast cancer. Drat. Tests next week to check sentinel node etc but consultant thinks it’s no more than stage 2, which is good.
Posting on the other forum bit…
Sorry you’re joining us here, but let’s hope it hasn’t spread.
Cheryl
STAGE 2, or GRADE 2? I suspect GRADE. Take a look at some of the publications on this site to learn the difference.
And good luck with further treatment.
It’s a total bummer getting the positive diagnosis that is so negative, but for myself I’m clutching very hard at the thought that if I hadn’t found it, it would have been left to grow undisturbed and when it did eventually get found could end up being so very much worse than it is. Little comfort, but might be the little glow of candlelight that you need in your dark days.