Following a surreal 3 months since diagnosis of DCIS in my right breast I’ve just had a bilateral mx & immediate reconstruction. I lost my mum to BC at the age of five and have two daughters of nine and six. To me , when the WLE failed to get a clear margin and the surgeon recommended mx, a bilateral Mastectomy was the only option for my peace of mind. I had genetic testing which didn’t conclude any faulty genes, Phew!
People always say I seem so strong. I’m not really. Was so scared in the run up to my op on Feb 23rd. I am still sore and feel like I’m in an emotional cocoon. I’m not grieving the loss of my boobs like some people have said, but I feel strange. I cried most of the day yesterday and felt quite sorry for myself. The tears helped I think. Am hoping that typing out into a community of similar experiences will help me through. My hubby and friends and family are great but they still see me as strong and practical even wnen I’m crying.
I had a sentinel node removed too and the weird sensation I feel there is worrying me. Will it always feel like this I wonder.
Hi Tina
I am sorry you find yourself here, it is very hard when people assume you can continue being strong when you don’t feel like it. The tears are bound to flow as you have just had major surgery. Also you will be bound to be thinking of your mum.
I can’t help practically as I have not had surgery yet ( planned for later this month)but I am bumping this and hope someone who has been through it can help.
I do hope you feel better soon.
Sending you love and hugs,
Sue
sorry about posting 4 times. Muct be some more gremlins in the system.
Sorry about the technical problems this evening AvenueSue, I’ll delete the duplicate posts for you.
Best wishes,
Anna, BCC Faciltator
Thanks Sue your reply is appreciated. I hope everything goes well for you. You sound ‘brave’ offering me support when you must be worried too. Best of luck. Tx
Sue not sure if I’m posting two replies. I’m using my phone as too uncomfortable at the moment to use my laptop. I really appreciate your reply. You are brave to be able to offer me support when its such a difficult time for you. Hope everything goes well for you . Thinking of you. Tx
Hi Tina
I have sent you a private message.
Sue x
Hi Tina,
I had a left mastectomy & immediate reconstruction in Sept 2010,also prior to this had a sentinel node removal with lumpectomy in the July,the skin where the sentinel node was removed was quite numb for the first 3 to 4 weeks after the op,and to some extent now it still feels abit odd probably due to all the surgery from the reconstruction and losing some nerves under the arm.Like you I have been told constantly how brave and strong I am for going through such emotional and physical trauma,but I don’t feel like that alot of the time even tho’ I have a positive outlook on things.There are days where I feel really strange and can cry for England,at first I felt stupid and as if I was failing myself and family for doing this but now I just let the tears flow and always feel better for it afterwards.I think we underestimate the enormity of the whole experience of breast cancer from being told the bad news to going through the varied treatments.Tina you sound just like I did when I had my big op.remember its early days and you need time to physically let alone mentally adjust to your surgery.I too didn’t grieve for my boob as just wanted rid of the cancer and saw my boob as alien to me in the end,plus with the immediate reconstruction felt I had never really lost my boob shape which was a bonus,which i’m sure you’ll feel too eventually once all the initial pain and aches have subsided.
Top tips Tina,rest plenty,let your family and friends spoil you,and cry when ever you feel like it,I’ve found this site so beneficial in my recovery as its so good to know that there are so many of us ladies have similar feelings and experiences and can share our thoughts,it doesn’t make you feel alone in going through such a life changing experience!
Best of Luck in your recovery,Laura xx
Hi ladies, had right mx a week ago and going back for results tomorrow. Had mx as dcis was extensive but previous excision did not reveal anything more than intermediate dcis but I just hv awful feeling of doom for tomorrow. Also have very strange unbearable stabbing pain occasionally where I think the nodes were removed but I understand this is normal. I too have tried to be strong but live on my own and there are hours when I do just sit and cry as I feel like some sort of alien who will never have a normal life again. So sick of watching tv. Feel like I’m on a roller coaster where the end of the ride never arrives - always bad news ahead. I thought I wld not care about loss of breast but do now feel deformed and reluctant to get dressed as nothing fits now. I opted for implant so know it will take time to get back any sort of shape.
Dear jaxmax,
It must be a very anxious time for you waiting to go for results tomorrow.
Please remember you can phone our helpline when you need someone to talk to. They are open on weekdays from 9-5 and on Saturdays from 9-2. The number is 0808 800 6000.
Take care
Very best wishes
Janet
BCC Facilitator
Thanks for all yours replies. It’s great to be able to compare. Feeling a bit better today and even managed a thimble of wine. Still got the yucky feeling in the armpit area but the pain is not so intense. I too am fed up of tv and can’t seem to get into a book either but can’t do much else! To the lovely lady awaiting pathology results , good luck tomorrow, you’ve been through loads and you might be receiving positive news. Will write more when I’m well enough to use laptop. I don’t think this is good for my arm as using my phone.
Tx