Hi,
I have had a very reflective time - I was awake during the night. Thinking about this time last year on how I was going away with my husband for my birthday weekend. It was Friday 31st Jan and my birthday is 1st Feb. We went to the Peak District. We had a spa day at the hotel and on my birthday he woke up feeling a bit unwell. I said it could be Spa flu - as it can make you feel like you have a cold/flu removing the toxins.
Forward to April 7th when he finally went to the drs after being unwell with a cold/ flu like symptoms. A few others he hid from me.
He was diagnosed that day with blood cancer and we had to go straight to the hospital. He had AML an aggressive form of leukaemia.
He had a month in hospital or just over and his treatment has began the week he was in. He came home and in total had four rounds of chemo. With complications- but, he did it and is now in remission.
We were also dealing with normal life stress events if you want to put it that way. Including some other personal difficulties.
Forward to husband just getting ready and back to work on the day I have my follow up appointment. We now know how that went.
Again life continued to through life changing challenges.
After my surgery, on the 7th Jan. I messaged my brother. Our last communication was the 9th Jan. I found out he died in a tragic accident the following week.
I also have two grown up children, my son in April had his finals for uni and didn’t want me to give Uni information so he could have special circumstances.
He is now home and helping me in my recovery, while looking for a job.
My daughter was home the whole time and was and is a great support.
As a parent you never want your children to go through difficulties. It is even harder when both parents are the cause of these. We know they are not our fault. I don’t feel guilty.
I feel sad they have to go through this at an age they should be free. Where they have worked hard to get to where they want to go to in life.
But in all that has happened I am so thankful for so many things. The appointment that was free that day for my husband, for breast screening that picked up my cancer and now it’s gone! For everyone that walks before us on this challenge in our life, to have their diagnosis help us with our own letting the medical world pick up and tweak individually for us as difficult as it is. Those with us now waiting, oh the waiting for results the confusion in navigating diagnosis while the world doesn’t stop to give us time. The people to come after.
My daughter in her own way wants to do something and is going to do a skydive in May. If anyone would like to sponsor her. Message me I can send the link. I know she will appreciate any amount and I would appreciate you.
So for my birthday eve -
What a year being 54 was.
Bring on my 55th year for I am so honoured to have got through what I have and not lost me. So many people say you come out differently and you lose yourself, but what if you don’t?
What if fundamentally you find the you that was there all along and when you quieten the noise you see how amazing you are.
I have been told with everything you are going through you supported me. I do not know how else to be. In a world that has shown us so much.
I remain to not lose myself and will constantly advocate for myself and give Grace to others.
And in the words of my birthday twin Harry Styles ‘ Be Kind’.
Much love to you all today however you have woken up feeling. We have at least woken up today X Hen x