Hi - Living with Secondary cancer takes some getting your head arround. But somethings seem to provide more joy and emotion than others. Birthdays seem to be one of these things - it is my Mum’s Birthday today and mine on Tuesday. I have had a wonderful evening with my Mum, lovely roast meal in the sunshine! Loved every minute of it! But left feeling very sad - how many more Birthdays will we spend together? I am 44 on Tuesday and have a very special week planned (week off chemo too - wowowow!). Friends, party, BBQs, games night etc. So many smiles and laughter. But at the back of it all the thought…how many more will I have? I want LOTS and LOTS!! I feel a million miles away from being ‘ill’ with the cancer (bone and lung mets, diagnosed 8mths ago) and have not asked the Dr how many more they think I will have as they dont know either!! I just want to get rid of the nagging ‘how many more’ worry and ENJOY MYSELF 100%!! My profile pic is of my Birthday last year - Secondary BC was not what I asked for.
I dont think this is a question to you all - just a - how do you all feel about Birthdays - yours? your childrens? your families?
Hugs to all
Sadie Xx Xx
Hi Sadie,
Just wanted to wish you a very Happy Birthday! I had a birthday at the beginning of this month, 47, and feel very differently now about clocking up another year! I had primary breast cancer and finished chemo 5 months ago. I think life is precious and fragile and should be enjoyed and treasured. None of us know how many more birthdays we’ll enjoy, but do you think we appreciate them so much more now. I hope you have a fabulous week, with lots of very happy memories for you and your family. Big hug Karen x
I do know what you mean Sadie. I used to find Christmas the hardest. It has become ‘tradition’ in our house that I put up the Christmas Tree. We don’t do real ones I’m afraid but soon after I was diagnosed I went and splashed out on a really nice artificial one that is floor to ceiling 
but each time I put it up for the first few years I had this overwhelming feeling of sadness wondering if it was the last time I would do it, and would anyone else bother after I was gone. Birthdays didn’t have quite the same effect on me. More recently it hasn’t upset me so much, maybe because 20 years have passed since my first diagnosis. I celebrate 21 years since my diagnosis on Tuesday and when I do the Christmas tree now it is more a celebration of another God-given year. Hapyy birthday to you for Tuesday, and many more of them.
Dawn
xx
Hi Sadie
Happy birthday for tomorrow
I think we all feel like you do at some point after our secondary diagnosis. I certainly thought my first Christmas after my diagnosis (in 2008) would possibly be my last, as I also felt about my 2 daughter’s birthdays. In fact my youngest daughter was 18 the following year and that was very emotional for me, ‘would I be here for her 21st?’ To try and help me deal with my situation I also set myself target dates to get through, as we had a lot of landmark anniversaries and birthdays in our family coming up. Well, I’ve managed to get through most of them (still a couple to go!) and I’m still going strong. The only one that has caused me sadness was our 25th Wedding anniversary which we celebrated last September, I really did feel that this wasn’t the way it was meant to be. However, apart from this, I like Dawn, make sure I celebrate each occasion and feel blessed that I am still here to enjoy each and every one of them. So, I hope that as you move further away from your diagnosis you also treat the events as a real celebration rather than thinking too much about ‘how many more’. Have a lovely time this week and enjoy the chemo free time.
Nicky xx
Aww sadie yes I know what you mean it’s not nice to feel the way we do I’m the same my son 12 i do the I won’t be here to see him marry have kids go to uni all the norm but like u my chemo is working and I’m damm sure I’m not giving in and giving up yet so u put this to the back of your mind and enjoy that birthday of yours have a fab time and enjoy your chemo break big hug xx
hi sadie it is weird how little things we took for granted can evoke such strong emotions even looking at pics my kids did when they were small can get to me where pre bc i would have giggled at them , i hope you enjoy your birthday and none of us ever truly know how many we have to come its just made more obvious when we know we are ill … sending you lots and lots of fairy hugs xxxxx
Hi Sadie
Yep - know just how you feel - birthdays are a landmark where we “take stock” and mark out our years - they have an added poignancy for those of us with secondary bc… really glad you are making the most of yours and hope you enjoy your special day. Yes and Christmases are the same for me Nicky - and this year I did have a real tree for the first time as a result of BC altlhough pretended to family it was for other reasons so as not to upset them!!! Any memorable occasions related to my son prompts emotions responses too - so many emotions to keep control of all the time, no wonder we get tired!
Thanks for sharing - and enjoy your week with its range of emotions.
Fran
x