Blind sided

Hi IBC ladies,

We’ve been through a lot together over the last 2 years and I feel as though I know some of you very well so I thought you wouldn’t mind me sharing a part of my life here that’s not BC related.

Some of you will know that while I was having treatment for IBC my Mum also had lung cancer. Sadly she passed away on Tuesday after a very difficult few weeks. As well as giving me a very happy childhood she was a great support to me during my treatment. She was a special lady and we shared a unique bond. She leaves a huge gap in my life but at least now that she’s gone I can remember the good times rather than constantly worrying about the pain she had. I take comfort in the fact that I was able to tell her that my latest check up was routine and I’m still cancer free.


Hi Jan
So sorry to hear about your Mum, My Dad had alzheimers and it broke my heart seeing him so ‘lost’ so l can understand how you felt seeing your Mum going through pain! I also have some wonderful memories, and they do keep us going! To have those childhood memories is very special, so keep hold of them!
I am sure your Mum knowing your last check was cancer free must have been wonderful news for her. One of the worst things is to see your child suffer, so this must have given her comfort.
Take care and keep well
Sandra xxx

Hallo Jan - so sorry to hear your news. I empathise entirely; my mum died last September. She was always there for me and the hardest thing for me since has been not having her simply “there” during my own journey through the unknown territory we find ourselves in here.Not having her at the end of a phone. But if you experience that yourself, know that WE are here for you and whilst we can never replace your mum, we do understand where you are at and can support you as an outlet. Sometimes, writing things down is such therapy in itself. Don’t fret that it’s not IBC related; it IS by virtue of the fact that we are all linked by that common factor. Take care.

Hello Jan

Such Sad news but it sounds like you have some lovely memories to reflect on. I lost my mum 25 years ago to BC when the treatment was not as good as it is now. I watched her suffer for months and much as I desperately didn’t want to lose her, when the time came I was pleased that her suffering was over.

I’m sure you have family support but come on here where we will ‘listen’ anytime. Sometimes the feelings are to deep to burden other family members.

Take care


Hi Jan

Just wanted to send my sympathy for the loss of your mum. I am glad your appointment went well and were able to give your mum the good news.

Take care


Hi Jan, I just wanted to add my condolences to you for the loss of your mum, I lost my mum to a chronic illness some years ago for which she had suffered for many years, obviously its a terrible loss but some part of me knew she was in a better place and not suffering anymore, I still miss her especially now, but she has given me the courage and strength to cope with my own illness, so in a way she’s still here with me.

Hi Jan so sorry about your mum you’ll always have the lovely memories that nobody can take
Mekala xx

Jan I am so sorry for you even though I did not know your mum she sounds as if she was alovely lady and although you will miss her dreadfully, just remember all the happy times and believe that she is still around watching over you. I lost my mum 20 years ago to cancer it was awful watching her suffer but I still feel her presence when I look at photos and remember happy times. I also lost my husband 13 years ago with a heart attack, but the pain does get less and the happy memories survive. Live does go on and it can be good…

Thanks for the kind thoughts and sharing your own losses.

Mum’s last few weeks were awful and my sisters and I do mostly feel relieved so we’re finding it hard to grieve. She was still living in the house we were brought up in until she had to go into hospital. I think the hardest time will come when we have to close the door and leave her house for the last time. At the moment it’s just as she left it and every time I walk in I expect her to be sitting in her usual spot. I’m almost afraid to cry because once I start I won’t be able to stop.

Funeral is on Tuesday so maybe reality will catch up then.

Jan xx

Hi Jan, sorry to hear about your mum it is a really sh*tty disease. My mum passed away 2 weeks ago, it was very sudden, although she ws 85 she was fit and healthy - to be honest it is the way she would have preferred to go, I know she dreaded the thought of being ill and inactive. The funeral was last week and it still hasn’t sunk in - we are currently clearing out her house and belongings and it is very hard thing to do. So I do understand exactly what you are saying - its strange but you feel your mum will go on forever and when they don’t it comes as a bit shock.

I Hope you ‘yourself’ are well. I am fine and I am looking to take early retirement I have to wait until 1 october till they tell me my application has been accepted with everything that has happened to me over the last 18 months or so I am ready for a compelte break so fingers crossed. Take care xxxx

hi jan sorry to hear about ur mum, sending my love 2 u xx