I am 53. I was called at 47 as a trial but didn’t go but I don’t feel bad about that one. I was then called at 50 and didn’t go. I found the lump when I was nearly 53 and it had already spread. I feel awful. Really ashamed
Anne
That doesn’t say you had bc at age 47 or 50 …maybe mammo would have been clear anyway …so don’t feel guilty …you are still young and strong to deal with all this and the treatment you are starting.
Hugs 
No one seems to be able to reassure or calm me. I can’t seem to get out of this slump. The oncologist didn’t seem very encouraging. I have three very small areas - two spine and one hip. No pain. I’m sorry O am so low
Anne, I can only echo what the other ladies have said. I totally get that you are blaming yourself. When my recurrence happened last year, after I realized something was wrong, it took me several Months before I got around to seeing my GP. Meanwhile it was getting more and more obvious, but I kept kidding myself that it was nothing really. Then I blamed myself because if I’d reacted quicker, maybe it wouldn’t have spread. You know what? I’m a worse case than you, because I didn’t just blame myself, I blamed my elderly parents because at that time all my energy was going into trying to sort out care for them and they were fighting me every inch of the way. I didn’t blame them to their face, but inside I did.
So be assured, you are not alone in having these feelings. I promise you it will get better but you have to take it a day at a time, sometimes only an hour at a time.
Have you asked your GP about counseling? It’s helped me a lot and should be available to you on the NHS, but waiting times depend on where you are. But please do think about it. I had to wait several weeks to see a counsellor, but just knowing it was on the horizon helped me to hold on.
That is very honest. I too am so worried about my parents. They can’t cope with this but then not can I. Counselling is a good idea. I need to come to terms with where I am rather than thinking about how I got here but it’s so hard and I keep crying
Anne, we all understand. We’re thinking about you and sending you love.
Thank you. It’s much appreciated x
Hi Anne
Like you I was straight in at the deep end never had a primary just a pain in my leg which turned out to be sbc. Anyway 1 yr in I am still angry as never had an offer of a mammogram you have to be 52 where I live and am now 52, can’t wait for my screening letter! Anyway it is an up and down journey once you get a result and treatment plan in place you feel better as there is hope. If it turns out not to work you get all the anxiety again same as waiting for results. All I can say is our overstretched nhs do a fairly good job where I live hope your will too. I work full time as much as I can and try to do as much as I can. My husband refuses to talk about the inevitable or bucket lists as he gets as anxious as me. Good job our kids are there to hold our hands. I say to my parents every day why me when they are fit and healthy and we have no history of cancer in our family but can’t change anything just carry on. You will have good and bad days but this forum helps . It may also help you to meet others in the same position if there is a meeting near you . Chin up . It will get better to cope with . Wendy x
I feel for you and hope very much that you find the peace which I’m finding so elusive. We have no cancer in our family either. My lovely mother in law is 86 and my parents are 80. They are so sad. Try to rest and find peace x
There are a lot of treatments now for mets and I am trying to be hopeful. I am sure that the best thing would be to live one day at a time with a hopeful heart but it is hard to do
I’m another who was diagnosed straight to stage 4. I had been going to my GP practice for around 4 years saying I could feel something, not every day, but things didn’t feel right. I was already having mammograms which were clear, and they still are! Eventually after I insisted something else was done, I was sent for an ultrasound scan, that showed a small cyst, which I queried but was assured there wasn’t any blood supply and it was just a cyst…I will now never know if that was right…as I still wasn’t convinced I booked to see a different GP at the practice, she again couldn’t feel what I could but said she could see I wasn’t happy so sent me to breast clinic, and I finally got my diagnosis!
I’m just saying that sometimes even tests are inconclusive, my mammogram was still clear on the day I was seen in breast clinic because of that I think the Radiologist only did the biopsy because I was there but again, he was sure it wasn’t anything to worry about! Thank goodness he listened to me and did it!
I’m often asked if I’m angry about it because 4 years is a long time to be told there’s nothing wrong with you, when there clearly was, but what good would that do? Yes, I have moments of what if’s but…My Onc tells me that clear mammograms, when you have bc, are not as infrequent as you might think. My GP practice is also a very good one, it was just bad luck!
I did all the examining and testing, so please try not to beat yourselves up and stay positive! Kxx
I am trying so hard. You ladies are so good at it!
Thank you.
Hello Anne, I don’t have secondary’s but just wanted to add that my mammogram was clear at diagnosis too, my breast cancer was found via ultrasound and I was told it could have been 5 years before it was detectable on a mammogram which means 3 years on I could still be walking around none the wiser as I’m only 49 and not in the screening program yet.
I see you have lots of support from our lovely ladies here and I hope once you are over the shock of your diagnosis you will find the strength with their help to move forward. Xx Jo
Love your reply Pippin!
Sat having my steroids as early as possible so they don’t keep me awake !
Thanks for making me smile at 5.30 am! ! Quite an achievement!
Did you know Anne, that actually forcing a smile and breathing slowly can fool your mind into thinking all is well even when you feel like …!
Worth a try!!
Or we can wait for Pippin’so next post!
Hugs and smiles all xxx
Pippin and the supermarket trolley-- oh I do wish it was captured on video! Thanks for the laugh, Pip, it’s the best medicine. And you know, the smiling thing actually works, if only for a few moments. I’m signed up for a session at the village hall next month of something called Laughing Yoga. Sounds promising, don’t you think?
Anne, anything that makes you feel good, just do it. Buy yourself some flowers, go out for a coffee, go for a walk, watch Mamma Mia, whatever will give you a few moments of joy, distraction, or contentment. Every little helps.
You are so right and I love the supermarket trolley story. I can’t seem to do anything at the moment but I promise to try. I am meant to be meeting friends for coffee this morning. The yoga sound fun.
The laughing yoga sounds great Tatyana! I love yoga and meditation and find it a life saver!
Great free app called Insight Timer with loads to choose from.
Enjoy your coffee outing Anne. Friends have kept me sane on this journey!
Hugs x
Oh pippin we all have to stamp our feet and let it out …my way was a bit different when I got primary dx. I was crocheting a cot blanket for my grandson but it became my focus …I just sat and crocheted and crocheted the damn blanket night and day …it ended up so big …a elephant could have snuggled up on it and probably his friend as well!!
Hugs xxx
Hello ladies
See this thread has sunk down the list so thought I would pop in and say hello to bring it back up.
Hope everyone is coping with scan results and treatments …the bain of life with secondaries but hey hoo …we cope !!
Nothing much happening here in Devon today …just rain and more rain…had visitors earlier so got the fondant fancies out !! When did they get so small ?
I’m on week 3 of the devil pills. .E and E. .but it’s doable and the bonus …no appetite for choc or McDonalds so hopefully I will be less of a heifer in a few weeks! !
Hugs xx:relaxed: