Bullying and people leaving

I’m blaming the predictive text for mine (and it just autocorrectedthat to perishing text as well!) x

Tried twice to post on this one & both seemed to disapear (lost ability to spell, please don’t shout!)

And sorry if they all “turn up”, didn’t mean to bore you.
Not been “posting” for that long, but I have received a lot of support & good advice from ladies who understand where you are coming from.

I’d hate for anyone to leave because they have lost faith with the purpose of these forums. Remember most of us are not into “grammer” had enough of that in school over 32 tears ago!

Keep the advice coming!


Totally agree with Norberte!
99.9% of women on this website are FANTASTIC and incredibly supportive. Through this website I have personally met a handful of ladies living locally who have now become friends and HUNDREDS of virtual ones.
Reading postings on the various threads has helped me tremendously during this very traumatic cancer journey (just finished chemo and about to start radiotherapy). I am always waxing lyrical about this website to all and sundry. :slight_smile:
I have indeed witnessed this type of bullying on some of the threads (in fact I have intervened on one of them as I was so disgusted by some of the comments). I now avoid these threads (usually diet related. Weird but that seems to get people all worked up and entrenched) and stick to the ones where all the ladies on them haven’t got a point to prove or indeed feel the need to show off their knowledge of all things cancer related (and their better spelling skills…lol)
It gives me great joy and comfort to be in your company.
Hugs all around ladies. You are FAB!!!
Lulu x

I’m in agreement with the last couple of comments - most of the women on here are utterly fab - very funny, compassionate and just a joy to talk to. Don’t let the minority put you off - just exercise your typing fingers perogative to not bother reading a particular thread…

Not everyone we meet in real life is someone we would wish to spend time with, and unfortunately, that’s also going to be true online. There are also women who are understandably terrifed of bc and what it entails - who may go a little overboard (in my view) on all the changes they make to their lives, and this can come across as incredibly militant. There is never any excuse for bullying, but I can sometimes see that it is coming across this way because these women are so afraid. If all you have to hang onto are your beliefs, and someone then tells you that what you are hanging on to has no foundation… well, it can’t be easy. But that is not condoning the unpleasantness I’ve seen on other threads.

There is still plenty of humour and support on this forum - and so long as the majority of us who appreciate this style keep on coming, keep on posting - then that humour and compassion will remain. It’s not us who need to maybe back off a little…

Sophie xxx

I can’t say as I’ve noticed indoctrination, going on. We all have our own views about treatment etc (and those of us with metastatic cancer probably have strong views) Personally, I find it very interesting to read the opinions of others, even if I don’t agree with them. With respect though, threatening to leave because others post something in a way you dislike could be construed as emotional blackmail (which is a form of bullying).
If something is out of order, complain to the moderators, or ignore the post.

I think its important that we don’t mix up strong viewpoints with personal attacks. The two in my mind are completely different. It is very hard to read attitude in these forums so unless its a personal attack I take all postings to be given with goodwill.

I for one have benefited enormously from people willing to take the time to provide information on things. I don’t see this as in way indoctrinating, if I did I would simply leave the thread. We either have freedom or we don’t. The diet thread has been horrible at times I agree but that’s when it gets personal. It has calmed down now new threads have been created.

Any personal attacks shouldn’t be tolerated and reported straight away. Perhaps that isn’t happening often enough.
Elinda x

I know I have been bullied on here by a particular member who took a dislike to me over one post, very early on, and now attacks at every opportunity.

I agree with Lemongrove. Strong views on here keep the forum lively and interesting, I like reading what others have to say, even if it is not my personal opinion. There are many threads I am not interested in and so do not read them. It really is quite simple.

People threatening to leave is emotional blackmail and a form of bullying.

BTW, I have strong views on diet, but it is not because of fear - not at all. It is because diet made a marked and measurable difference to my experience of chemo and I would like to share that with other women. Similarly, I am so appreciative that there other women who have strong, intelligent, well researched views on many issues to do with bc, and take the time to share them with us all.

Hi everyone

I have been following this thread with interest. My view is that there is skill to posting and some people are better at it than others. I think posting can be more problematic than communicating face to face or speaking to one another as we pick up a lot information from body language and tone of voice. When we don’t receive this non verbal communication things can be misinterpreted and this can escalate into a bit of a cyber row which can leave people feeling hurt.

I think it is important to discuss the ‘B’ word, however it needs to be kept safe.

The rules regarding behaviour on this site are are a good starting point however sometimes, due to the emotive and extremely personal nature of BC, people can lose site of them.

I’m very new to this board and to my diagnosis. Have had lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy and will soon be starting on chemo- will find out which regime on Wed.-
I have already found some of the threads friendly and helpful and a couple I wouldn’t go on again.
I think the post on the first page giving advice on how to post and how to treat a post which is disturbing very helpfuland I look forward to the support I see you’ve been giving one another.

I would like to include a few thoughts here as I too have been shouted down many times on this web site because of my alternative views on medicine and treatment.
I used to be a member of Bcans which was a canadian web site for breast cancer and I found there a completely different attitude with women concerning their treatment. Because they pay for treatment,they seem much more pro active in their treatment and have a very different attitude towards their medics and medicine. Unfortunately the site was closed last year because of funding cuts, which was a great shame.
There was a lot more interesting discussions on alternate ways of treating cancer and women accepting differences. On this site, some women seem to feel threatened if someone decides not to go down the medical model route and question their treatment.
I think a lot of anger and critisism on this site is about fear. Women get scared when they read about women questioning oncologists, doctors etc declining treatments such as hormone therapies, radiotherapy etc etc. and so they get angry and attack someone.
We can’t seem to have a rational discussion about diet for instance, because straight away someone shouts the other down with things like it’s not scientifically proven!!!
So the discussion then breaks down into a slanging match!!
This happens so many times on these sort of issues.
I feel we need to have all these difficult discussions on here, diet, treatments,drug therapies,and enjoy and wonder at other peoples views and different ways of being.
So many women start a thread with good intentions and then get hurt by a few vicious comments.
I myself come from a holistic background and so I immediately put myself up to be attacked and have been many times. But I still come here because I think it is a great site in many ways.
So thank you for starting this thread and lets carry on the great interesting discussions and support that goes on here
Best wishes all

thanks juliet for starting this

dont let the bullies win.

this site is a life saver so dont let nasty sados spoil it for you.

if you see a horrible comment, report then ignore.

i started a post in nov and it has nearly 4000 posts and regular posters, and its never had any nastiness. we are all in the same club here and should be treatig each other with respect and compassion. lifes tuff enuff without nasties.


Hi everyone

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has contributed to this thread. It has been great to see so many sensible and sensitive comments, as well as appreciation for the support and friendship you have found on the forum.

I am going to close this thread now as I believe the key issues have now been aired, but before I do, I want to draw your attention to our number 1 community guideline on the forum: “Be kind to each other”. It is our number 1 guideline for a good reason and should apply even during “lively debates”.

Thanks once again for your contributions to this thread and to the wider forum.

Breast Cancer Care
Community & Social Media Manager