Buried my young friend today

So sad and at a loss, my chemo buddy who died 2 weeks ago aged 36 was buried today in a pretty pink coffin. I feel so sick with sadness as we both went through treatment together and i am now 5 years along the road and she didnt even make it to 4…I keep thinking about her children and just want to scream at the total unfairness of this world.

Sorry to come on the boards with my woes I know i should be grateful she died peacefully and didnt suffer too much towards the end but i just celebrated my 5 year ‘cancerversary’ a fortnight ago and then she passed away, I guess survivors guilt has kicked in aswell, but how does someone go from having a mets diagnosis to being dead within a few months?? I thought she would at least have a few years…

Life sucks and i wish we knew what this damn life was all about.

Hugs to all
Nikki x

Hi Nikki

I am so so sorry to hear about your friend. To be honest I have just been walking through the woods having thoughts about life, and I came to the conclusion that it certainly isn’t fair but it is very precious. I was looking at the trees and I suddenly remembered my Uncle talking to me when I was in the depths of despair about my diagnoses, and he said, ‘everything passes’, and it did, but I also think that includes life itself.
How good is it that your dear friend met you in terrible circumstances yet a friendship developed, don’t feel guilty, just try to remember the good memories that you have shared.
Sending you lots of hugs.
Debbie xxx

Hi Nikki

From the moderation team here at BCC please accept our sincere condolences on your loss of a good friend, and of course to her family.

If you feel you need to talk to someone in confidence about how you are feeling at the moment then please do phone the helpline, the staff here will be only too happy to talk to you during this difficult time. I’m sure you know the number but if not it’s 0808 800 6000.

Kind regards,
Jo, Facilitator

Hi Nikki

So sorry to hear about the death of your chemo buddy. I think one of the hardest, most poignant things about the communities we build because we have breast cancer is learning to live with the knowledge that some of our friends will die.

How does someone go from having a mets diagnosis to be being dead in a few mnths? Your question is so pertinent…sadly this happens, far more often perhaps than we like to think. Many many women do live for several years with mets, but the facts of the averages are that some don’t.

All I know about this damned life is that there is good stuff in it, along with the hard stuff. I don’t have any religion so I feel I just have to celebarte as much as I can of those good bits.

Thinking of you


Hi Nikki,

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend but I totally can relate to how you are feeling right now. Back in March I lost my friend Julia to secondary bc, she was only 28 and left a husband and 3 year old boy behind. The whole thing was absolutely tragic and I think about her every day.

Julia was always ahead of me in treatment and had just finished her rads when I was starting my chemo last year. She was so supportive throughout as she had been there and done that. In dec she found a lump in her other breast which turned out to be cancerous. A ct was done ‘just in case’ and it showed she had secondaries in her lungs, liver and bones!! She literally went from being ‘ned’ to extensive mets in no time at all. At this point she felt no symptoms at all!! Things went down hill rapidly from there to be honest and sadly she passed away early march. I was so sad for her and the family she left behind, but also for myself and I was scared for myself.

I think I still am scared for myself. Only today I got a phone call to say a brain scan I had yesterday was clear. Of course I was relieved but soon after my thoughts turned to Julia and how quickly things happened for her. I’m so cautious these days and prob check for lumps a couple of times a day! She literally went from being ‘fine’ to dead within 12 weeks. Its scary stuff isn’t it!

You’re right you know, life does suck, well sometimes anyway.

Thinking of you at this very sad time,

Take care,



I’m so sorry…

So sorry to hear of the loss of your friend, I know how you are feeling I lost my friend last year to BC secondaries…your so right it happened so quick…first her liver then 18mths [if that] later her brain…she was 44 and had 2 teenage daughters.
Yes you do go through feeling guilty…but also I think it makes us even more aware of our own mortality [as if we weren’t aware of it enough after dx].

Life can be very cruel.

Sincere condolences to you and your friends family.

karen x

I am so sorry to hear that your friend has passed away. I can understand hte survivor guilt - my friend’s partner was told his cancer was terminal just as I was being told my prognosis was excellant. I am sure your friend would not want you to feel guilty that you are still here, but would want you to enjoy each new day you are blessed with.

Sorry to hear of your loss, you shouldn’t feel guilty and your firiend would not have wanted that I am sure…I think maybe you are just feeling the total shock of it on your friends behalf- the world is cruel and not fair and it doesn’t work out the way it should for many people. But there are so many fantastic things to be experienced as well and we are lucky when we have the love of family and friends,…its more than many people get.

Certainly I can understand that you can have extensive mets with very few symptoms - I didn’t really believe that and now I do…unfortunately have learned the hard way.

take care

Hi Nikki
Sorry about your loss.I know the importance of having someone to offload to,at stupid times with irrelevant things.

Take Care

Just wanted to add my condolences. Everything has been said above - life is unfair. You didn’t wish for this to happen so don’t feel guilty. Hope all our thoughts are a comfort to you.

Hi Nikki,

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. No, it isn’t fair, but cancer (like life) isn’t fair. I suppose that all any of us can do is to make the best use of our time and perhaps do some fundraising to get our own back at this disease.

Best wishes,


Hi Nikki
so sorry to hear of the loss of your chemo buddy. This disease is so cruel and causes so much pain both emotionally and physically. I cherish the relationships that I have both with chemo buddies and staff plus the ones on this forum.

Love Debsxxx

Hi Nikki

so sorry for your loss. But you know she will want you to be strong and enjoy every minute you have on this precious earth live every day for both yourself and your friend and make her loss of life breathe a new lease of life into you

and well done to you for reaching your cancerversary its a huge acheivement !!!

love Ails x x x

hi nikki my name is nicky to, i think me and you went to the same funeral. my friend was sara she was in a pink coffin and she was buried on wednesday. i am so sad i was diagnoised with breast cancer in feb had a mascetomy and finished my chemo 3 weeks ago just starting radiation now. sara was a great frend she was the first person i told and went to for help and even with all her worries she was there for me every step of the way. a very special person with a great big heart she helped not only me but my family too.
my daughter goes to school with her son and they have been best friends science the start of school.
its such a waste of a very special life and person it just doesn’t make sense.

it does make me a little sad and guilty too, wish i had a magic wand for all of us life doesn’t make sense but it certainly puts us through hell sometimes.

sharing your sadness but taking her strength with me all the way and never giving up.

big love and hugs to you and all Nicky xxxxx

So sorry to hear your sad news, and thinking of you.


i have cried so much reading this thread. I am with Jane RA…
nothing will change what has happened and how much it hurts
you and her family will move on over time.

having breast cancer does not make me think i will die - but people do and it is wrong when they are young…

take care honey

Hello Nikki

So sorry to hear of your loss.

Take Care

Sorry to hear about your friend. It is really hard to lose someone with the same disease - it does make us aware of our own mortality and as you say ‘survivors guilt’.
I’m sure she would want you to have happy memories of your times together and try to hold onto these.
Nobody can tell you what the future will hold and secondary diagnosis is very unpredictable which is what is so scary about this disease but try not to dwell on this and enjoy each day for what it is and make plans so that you always have something enjoyable to look forward to.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss (sat at home crying my eyes out) Remember the good time you had together :slight_smile: