hi everyone. firstly i’m new here, even though i was diagnosed in march 09 IDC 21mm. grade 3. lumpectomy with close margin to chest wall with lymphovascular invasion. had FEC x2 awaiting 3rd… i hate breast cancer. it really sucks. i was loving being a happily (newly) married mum (i found the lump when i was breast feeding) and feel it’s all been tainted forever! even when i try to carry on as normal and go to my mum and baby groups i just feel ‘different’ to everyone else now! people seem to moan about trivial things, or worse they look at me with my headscarf and give me that pity smile… i force myself to keep going for my son’s sake. is there anyone out there like me? im an active, fit 33 year old who feels very angry that illness has struck me and threatened to take me from my son and husband!
Please don’t feel alone, we’re all here for you.
I’m exactly a year ahead of you, but otherwise on a very similar road.
I was Dx in Feb 08, when my baby boy was six months old, and exclusively breastfed. I had grade 3, stage 3 IBC with lymph involvement too.
Only recently have I felt comfortable getting back out there as a Mummy, and I do feel that I lost so many of my baby’s baby days. It does get better, and my friends have been a tower of support.
Hang in there and be kind to yourself, take all the time you need to grieve from what you’ve lost, and revel in what you have.
Love, Rebecca x
Hi Redcell, so sorry that you have had to join us. Your not on your own, my story is different to yours but you will find plenty of support from other young mums who share the same worries as you. Your right about breast cancer it does suck but you’ve got to keep positive. I’m not good at giving advice but as your only a bit older than my daughter I know that if she were in your position she would appreciate lots of hugs so you make sure that you get as many as you can. Good luck, I hope things get better soon. Regards Olwen
My story is similar. I’m 37 married for 5 years with 2 children aged 3.5 and 18 months. I found my lump when breast feeding my second baby. I was eventually dx in Sept last year with advanced bc. my life seemed to stop at first but I got back on track, going back to work half way through my chemo. I’ve just had a mastectomy and am currently at the start of my rads. Also on hormone treatment. I know what you mean about it being tainted but I am finding now I can remember more of the good stuff when I look back.
I’ve never been mad or cross though I wish very much it hadn’t happened. I feel different - I am different to what I was and to ‘good health’ mums etc. But I’m not bothered! And yep, people can go on about trivialities and I’m happy to listen because that sfuff doesn’t bother me any more - I’ve got bigger fish to fry! I’m pretty mellow about it all really. What will be, will be. I want to make the most of everything and I want to be happy. The thought of leaving my babies, husband and parents cripples me but I have decided I will cross that bridge when I have to, if I have to. I’m also sad that I definately won’t be having more children. Even though I probably wouldn’t have done, it usets me that I can’t even if I wanted to.
LxLxL
Hi Redcall
there are lots of mums on this site who give support to each other and I have been quite amazed at the number pregnant or still at breast feeding stage, my kids were older 8 and 6 when i got diagnosed dec 05 aged 37, yet still hard work. helping with homework, pack lunches, school runs, dance classes and football suddenly became a massive chemo challenge, yet i manageed to not miss any event.
i too got angry, still am but not to the same degree, i do feel robbed of enjoying special occassions as i always have that niggle is this the last one, my biggest fear is not being there for them when they need a mum especially at the moment more for my daughter who is now 12 and going thru that 1st yr at big school and body changes.
i also hated the stares on the school run, I just refused to talk about it unless I classed people as good close mates, I used the cold cap and it was kind to me, so I had gossip that i preferred my hair to chemo. some people are pathetic, i really dont think they think about how they stare or what they say.
I had some good advise by a school friend who had been thru it at 33, she told me to look after myself as i would my children and she was bloody right.
you will go thru every emotion going on numerous occassions, just take it as easy as possible and accept every offer of childcare, it really will help with your recovery thru the chemo.
take care, all u mums
Debbie X
Hi Redcell,
I’m sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in Dec 2006 at 28. My kids were older than yours 8 and 9 at the time. I also had FEC 3 cycles and taxotere. I know things must be very difficult for you right now especially with all the responsibilities you have such as your son. Redcell, things will get better with time, let yourself have your ups and downs and try not to beat yourself up. Time seems to stand still when your going through treatment but once its over it flys and your strength will come back. Things will get back to normal it may not seem like it will now, but believe me it does, just takes time.
I dont know where your based but here are alot of centres such as,
Breast Cancer Haven: breastcancerhaven.org.uk/
or The Paul D’Auria Cancer Support:
//www.cancer-resource-centre.org.uk/ which are free to use and offer a great deal of practical as well as emotional support if you need it.
I wish you all the best with your treatment and although you feel alone you are not there is alot of support available to you, if and when you need it.
If you need a chat or anymore info feel free to msg me.
With best wishes. x
hi redcall
i was dx in may im having 3 fec 3 tax i have 3 boys 21 21 and 10 yes i feel like you to was my little boys birthday only 2 days after first chemo so i cldnt take him out felt terrible about that as to him was a special birthday was 10 and he said will never be single numbers again butthere will be more birthdays unf for me i had a lot of sickness and joint pains so found it hard to be normal i sit here thinking why me its not fair what have i done so wrong out there but thats life and we all have to try deal with it the best we can its early days yet and im hoping all the treatment will work and we can be positive together im happy to pm you if you want to chat take
care we are all here for each other
hi to everyone else and im hoping you are all well laura xx
Hi Redcell and welcome to the BCC forums,
I can see that you have had lots of support from your fellow users, in addition BCC can offer you support and information in various ways, the following link will take you to our publication specifically aimed at younger women which explains these in detail and how to access them:
breastcancercare.org.uk/upload/pdf/bcc_yw06_web2_0.pdf
Our helpline is on 0808 800 6000 and is open Mon-Fri 9-5 and Sat 9-2, you are welcome to call for a confidential chat with one of our helpline team for support and more information about any of our services.
Best wishes
Lucy
hi redcell and everybody - you’re so right about everybody moaning about daft trivial things - I really noticed that early on - have you tried the wig road or aren’t you keen? I only ask because I didn’t like mine to start with but now I feel it makes me blend in and people say at school soon forget whereas I felt with the scarf it was a constant reminder - I know we’re all different as the same things don’t suit everyone…I was diag in jan with gd 3 and 1 node and having last taxotere today after FEC n Tax and will start rads soon, my kids are older at 10 and 16 and took it all very hard esp the older one I think - its hard on everybody and not fair…mary x
Hey redcell. Ive sent you a message as this post really struck a cord. I was diagnosed while breast feeding too. I am 32 with a 10mth old and a 2yr old and will start chemo 2 weeks today.
I totally know how you feel.
I feel the same.
Being positive is great but not always possible.
xxx
hello everyone… i just checked in whilst baby is asleep to see if there had been any replies…i am overwhelmed by all of your responses so quickly! thankyou… i have read each one with tears of relief running down my face… it means so much to feel supported.
i just want you all to know that i am usually a positive and strong person but this cancer stuff has floored me. you are all right, i just need to take time and be easy on myself. think i should have joined here sooner!
thanks guys. will put a photo up as soon as i work out how to do it! never been much good with computers…
must run cos going to buy a paddling pool and get out in the sunshine… Speak later and thanks again.xxxx
ur not alone 
i have two babies also,i know exactly where your coming from.Im having an angry week as my friend who is slightly younger than me at 36 has took a turn for the worse and i hate cancer for doing this to us all !!!
Most of the time im positive however its natural to ride the rollercoaster of emotions.I find it easier to write down my feelings and blog my diary,in fact my local newspaper publish it to bring breast awareness.
has anyone got facebook ?? maybe we could meet there too ! keep each others chins up xxxxxx
Hello All
I too am a mother of two young children (son age 11, daughter age 2.5) and was breastfeeding my daughter when I found my lump. That was November 07, I was eventually diagnosed in Jan 08 with DCIS. I underwent mastectomy with immediate reconstruction. Unfortunately in Jan this year I was diagnosed with regional and local recurrence and am now part way through chemo (x4 tax) to be followed by rads then hormone treatment. I’m 38 and have always been active and fit.
I know what you mean about feeling different to everyone else. It has been nice to read so many other mothers feelings, experiences and comments, made me feel a bit more normal!
I have found my children to be a great source of support, unknown to them, as they force me on my feeling sorry for myself days to get on with life, keep routine going and best of all when smile just when I need it!
It’s tough going, but can only get better, I hope.
Best wishes to all
Kirsten
xx
Redcell, I’m an old lady compared with you guys but I have 3 children who have all reacted totally differently to the diagnosis - it doesnt seem to matter how old you are, you are still their Mum! Ive had a mastectomy and just started chemo and the road sure looks long ahead, but dont worry we are all here to help each other get through it all and we WILL succeed! There is light at the end of the tunnel its just there are some twists and turns we have to get through first! Chin up! love n hugs xx
Hi, I’ve just been reading all your posts and although its terrible that we’re all in the same situation it is so comforting to know that there are others going through the same thing. I’m 37 with a 2 yr old and was diagnosed in Jan 09. Have coped quite well so far with srugery and FEC but 10 days into taxotere and it has really floored me. Feeling really sorry for myself today - eyelashes falling out, conjunctivitis, sore red hands, sore nails, no energy etc etc… Think the tears have stopped for now, thanks all for cheering me up.
Redcell, hope all goes well for you. x
hi wee vee,
im 3 days into tax and also suffering didnt think it would be this bad after my first 3 cycles of epi were not as bad as id expected.
ive never felt such muscle spasms and cramps only in labour! need sleep !!
xxxxxx
hi girls - I had my last tax last week - thank god - it floored me too - after first one I was admitted being neutropenic and with diarrhoea and an anal tear which was the most horrendous painful thing and sooooooooo embarassing - the onc dropped my next 2 doses and said they do have to a fair bit as its very severe, he said the full whack was too much for my body and put it at risk as it made me so ill - the tummy pains/cramps/runs etc were the worst bit for me but the anti diarrhoea tabs - loperamide helped and I was given codeine tablets too for the pain - knocked me outa bit but worked well…but I feel I’m out the other side now and you will be soon…mary x
My treatment has finished. Tax was a nightmare. I really suffered, but the onc will alter the dosage in order nto try and minimise SEs.
Hope this is of help.
Kathy