hiya, totally ur choice what to do. i had wle and snb 4th april. nodes clear and clear margins. 5 yrs tam and 20 rads of which ive done 13 so far. rads are a bit tiring but i went back 2 work 2 wks before (thru choice, love my job working with kids with ASD) have a 14 yr old and 5yr old of my own. i need 2 keep busy 4 me. please do what u need 2 do 4 u? isnt easy but reading ur posts, i think u have made ur mind up? take care hun and good luck.pm me anytime.(ps i had 2wks off after op) love alex xxx
Hello again, I had WLE and SNB first and I was off work for about 4 days. When I had the mastectomy some months later I was off for about a month and it was 3 weeks before I was able to drive. It may well be the tiredness and driving which make things awkward for you.
I do understand about difficult housemates too - perhaps it might be time to think of alternative living arrangements because I’m sure stress plays a big part in all of our problems.
Take care, best regards
Val x
4 days off work is definatly do-able, thank god for summer holidays. i was thinking about different living arrangements but im sure now is not the time to be thinking of house hunting and moving. also i live in a very rural comunity so there is no hiding really and then i would have the pressure of him throwing temper tantrums coz i have moved out. stressful either way. if there is a chance of me hiding it i am going to take it.
thank you all for you support though - you response has been overwelming xx
I came on line to aks for advice about my situation but I was so moved by your thread I am replying to share my experiences. I told everyone about my breast cancer diagnosis, but only just now telling a few people about having BRAC1 as it is just too hard to talk about.
I think its really important to do what is right for you and not be pressured into anything you dont want to do. Telling people is hard at first as you have to deal with their responses (holding their hand and giving them tissues as they cry about you is a totally surreal experience!!).
Re. work. I wanted to tell you I worked through chemo. It was hard and I had alot of time off, but there were good days and it meant that I felt I was carrying on with my life and I regard myself as a wimp!! I think you could hide radiotherapy as your flat mate would expect you to be out in the day. The side-effects are less “visible” and you might get sore and tired but you could pass this off as a bug. Your boss sounds supportive and this is really important.
Its a hard thing though to deal with on your own though. There is (thankfully) a lot of support out there and you need to grab it if you cant turn to friends or family.
Even though I dont know you, I am wishing you lots of love and support on your way forward. Have courage!
Rattles, x
You have lots of support on here, eowens, I hope things go smoothly for you.
If things go well you should be ok, but do see if you can make some alternative plans. Could you arrange to go and stay with another friend for a week or two, or go away for the weekends between your rads to stay with someone who’ll mollycoddle you and let you rest so you don’t have to keep up the front? If you let him know beforehand that you’re “going to see xxx for a couple of days in a few weeks” then it won’t come as a surprise and might give you a break from the pretence a bit.
i am realising and truly surprised and touched how much support i have on here. thank you everyone.
That is a really good idea chochiemuffin thank you, will definatly get something sorted for that. Roughly when do you think my rads will be in relation to my op? cant remember if i said but op is on 22nd july.
luckily at the moment i am that busy with work i dont have time to think about anything else, i just hoping it all doesnt just hit me when i finish for summer.
take care all xx
That depends on so many things there’s no point in trying to guess. You’ll have time after your op to sort things out, and they’ll need to give you your results too. They like to let you heal well before frying, though I think NICE guidelines mention 4 weeks max? That’s just guidelines though, and you’ll have to get confirmation from your surgeon.
Good luck.
Hi just thought I’d let u know my rads started 6 /8 weeks after op to let u heal also it does depend on hos and how busy they are mine had a 6 wks waiting list hope this helps gd luck with treatment Laura
my rads are being done at a tiny little hospital in the middle of nowhere so i doubt they know what a waiting list is. at the same time the hospital is not always open - so not too sure how this is going to work for rads but i am sure it will be interesting! lol
Hi, everyone’s experiences are different but on the physical side I think I could have hidden my treatment quite well. I had two half day surgeries and my rads were during the day. I wasn’t too bad after either of those, maybe a little more tired but assuming you can pass that off as “been working hard” or “not sleeping too well” I guess it is manageable. Many people didn’t notice that I’d had surgery. I took to wearing secret support vests at various times but can cover those with a shirt or something and it isn’t too visible.
There are times when I don’t want people to know I have bc because I don’t want to tell the story yet again, It is surprising how many people have had no idea at all despite seeing me a lot over the months xx
PS: My rads were 10 weeks after surgery because there was a waiting list but I was told to count on about 6 weeks x
It must be very hard having a friend who you worry is so self absorbed that they wouldn’t handle it 
and then having to live in the same place with them!
I suppose you can’t risk him leaving your place and you ending up with noone to help with bills.
What a nightmare and how sad for you that you feel this way xxx
Hi Katrano,
it is not so much the fact that i cant risk he leaving and not helping with the bills, he does not contribute all that much financially. it is more the fact that 4 or 5 years ago he was one of the funniest, kindest, most wonderful men you could meet, well he appeared to be. i now realise that it was probably that he appeared that way because i was not living in the same house and didnt see each other 24/7, and also people change i guess. but even though i cannot confide in him or gain any support from him i dont want to admit to myself that that person is gone for good. make sense?
xx
Yes I understand that - perhaps his mothers death had a very profound effect on him and changed him in that respect.
My heart just goes out to you reading what you’ve written and I suppose theres some natural “sistership” stuff going on with me where I just want to shake you and say “Look, F*ck people that can’t cope” to you… but nothing in life is just black and white.
I just personally feel that you shouldn’t feel like you should hide it in your own home, you should at least feel that home is a sanctuary you can retreat too and why should you be a pretender.
He doesn’t have to be there to mop your brow, but you should feel like you can be you at home. I’m wondering if you should just be as tactfully honest with him as possible, play it all down and just say that you didn’t want to upset him due to what happened with his Mum, you don’t expect him to be there for you etc, just that he needs to be aware so you can be relaxed at home if needs be.
My Mum died from Bowel Cancer 3 years ago, I didn’t want to tell my Stepdad because of how awful it was for him with my Mum and he’d only just started coming out of the fug and living properly again. Until I knew what was happening I didn’t tell him, the day of diagnosis we visited him and I broke the news, but I told him why I was worried about telling him etc.
It was soooo hard for me having seen what it did to my Mum, and then getting it myself at 34. And of course I want my Mum right now too and can’t have her.
This is one time where you really do have to be selfish and think of number 1 and really look after yourself, you’re only 27, this is tough as hell.
Do what you need to do to be comfortable in your home, your body, your own skin
xxx