Hi. what a fantastic resource this is for people like me, who are waiting and worrying that they may have cancer.
I found a lump in my armpit end of October, while I was on holiday. I went straight to my GP when I got home who said it was because I shave my armpits, gave me some antibiotics, and told me to come back in 2 weeks if it was still there.
Two weeks later went back to a different GP who was very concerned, and made an urgent referral to the breat clinic. I got an appointment about a week later, went for a mammogram and saw the specialist who very bluntly told me it looked like an enlarged lymph gland which he thought was caused by cancer, but there didn’t seem to be anything in the breast, so they had to find out where the cancer originated from. I was told I needed a biopsy and scan, and that the waiting list was about 3 weeks, but they would mark it as urgent.
I had to wait almost 3 weeks, but have now had the biopsy and scan, and have an appointment for the results on 22nd December.
My question is, if it is cancer, how do I cope with Christmas? My husband knows, and has been really supportive, but I haven’t told my family, because I don’t want to worry them if I don’t need to. Do I tell my grown up children, sisters, etc, or keep it to myself until next year? I’m not sure if I will be able to act normally if it is confirmed.
I’d be very grateful for any advice! Sorry for going on so long but it’s so good to get this off my chest.
C
Hi C,
Welcome to the Breast Cancer Care Discussion Forums. I’m sure other users will be along soon to offer support, but please do also remember that the BCC Helpline is available if you would like to speak to someone in confidence. It’s open Mon-Fri 9am-5pm and Sat 9am-2pm tel 0808 800 6000.
With best wishes,
Anna, BCC Facilitator
I feel for you – it’s never a good time to be going through the waiting game. You’re being very brave hanging on to this until you know for sure, and it’s great that you have a supportive husband to share with. However, I’m sure he’s struggling in a similar way. A question to ask yourself? - If someone you loved was going through this turmoil, would you want to know and support them, or would you think they made the right decision to keep it to themselves? It’s just a question to think about, I know that everyone is different.
I do understand what you’re saying; I didn’t actually tell the wider family (except my hubby and a good friend who we happened to see the day before my hospital appt), until I got the diagnosis; but once I did know that I had a cancer, I told all my family (and I have a big family!!!) – hard as it was, because I know they love me and want to ‘be there’ for me through this.
If you were my sister and you got some hard news on the 22nd Dec, I would want to be there for you – it doesn’t have to ruin Christmas; maybe things may feel a little different, but these things often bring families closer together… Whatever happens on the 22nd; I hope that you will have a peaceful and blessed Christmas time. I’ve only just recently been diagnosed myself and am still coming to terms with it all, but whatever the journey ahead, I have been constantly reminding myself that breast cancer is very treatable now-a-days!!!
Take good care, and keep us updated on how you’re doing.
Love Grace x
Hi Care
Your post struck a chord with me - I was dx on 22nd Dec last year!
I live alone and quite a distance away from my family and so the only people who knew that I was ‘in the waiting room’ were my work colleagues (I’d had to take time off for hosp appointments) a few close friends who I’d seen in the run up and my sis - who travelled 200 miles to be with me for my results. I had deliberately not told my parents 'cos they had enough on their plate, my Mum having had a stroke in November - I didn’t want to worry them if it turned out to be nothing.
As soon as it was confirmed, I told my parents - it gave us all at least a couple of days to adjust to the news before I saw them at Christmas - and it meant that it didn’t totally dominate the couple of days of our family get together.
Basically, I told anyone I was going to see, otherwise I waited until after Christmas to tell other friends and family. However, there are a few folk who only got to hear about it this week - when they got the letter in with their Christmas card.
Having said all that, only you know what’s right for you and your family.
Good luck! My BC meant that I had to have the ‘full monty’ of treatment - mx, immediate recon, chemo, rads and now tamoxifen. One year on I am out the other side - a bit tired and battered round the edges, but I’ll definitely be having a better Christmas than I did last year!
Dx
Hello Care_N I am so sorry you are having to go through this. As you say, this is a brilliant site and you will get lots of support here. I do understand what you mean about Christmas. I am in a similar position at present, albeit, the second time around. As you say, the worry makes Christmas a really difficult time. It makes it even harder at this time of year, when everyone else seems to be enjoying themselves and you feel sick to the pit of your stomach.
I was diagnosed with bc in 2009 and my details are on my profile. I had an excellent prognosis after all the treatment was over. However, when I went for my routine oncology check a few weeks ago, the oncologist found a swollen node in my armpit, on the bc side. She arranged an ultrasound scan and they did a Fine Needle Aspiration, to gather some cells to see what was going on. She also wanted me to have a CT scan, which I had last Saturday. I am having a bone scan on Monday.
I won’t take over your thread with my problems but I just wanted to say that I know what you are going through. It is very difficult trying to decide who to tell and when. On the one hand, you don’t want to worry your family and friends unnecessarily but, on the other hand, it would be a terrible shock if you wait to tell them if it is confirmed. The first time, I took the approach of telling my grown-up son about each stage, as it went along. However, it wasn’t Christmas then. This time, I have told him about the appointments but have not yet gone into details about the results, mainly because I am questioning them and want further evidence - but that’s another story.
Obviously, you know your family best and how you think they will react. It would be very difficult to act as if nothing was wrong and I expect they would suspect something. Perhaps it would be better to warn them now and then you would have some support if the time came.
We all hope your results will be good and, hopefully, you will have much to celebrate at Christmas! Please let us know.
Ann xx
Hello ladies,
This is a difficult question and I am in a similar situation. My original mammogram and biopsy was on 21 Dec 2009. Everyone knew except my Dad (who still has problems dealing with my mum’s death from cancer and has both his wedding anniversary and her birthday to cope with at the end of December), but it was easy to be upbeat about it because I felt so sure that it wasn’t cancer, but some other lumpy problem. Christmas was fine and I got the results on 5th Jan and had op a few days later, so while it was hard telling my sons I had kept them in the picture as things progressed.
The week before last I had x-rays, bloods and bone scan and it seems likely that I have BC in my shoulder bone. I have a CT scan tomorrow and an appointment on wednesday for results. Wednesday is also 21 Dec, which is a bit of a rotten coincidence.
Everyone at work knows because of the appointments and the pain in my shoulder which they have noticed and which my sons also noticed last time they were home in November, and I have told my brothers who have shared the news with their spouses. I just can’t decide whether to tell the boys (23 and 25) or my Dad. I would want to tell my sons together, but M doesn’t get here until lunchtime on CHristmas Eve and C leaves on the afternoon of 26th. So it would mean telling them literally over Christmas and we all love Christmas so much and miss my Mum such a lot at this time of year so it is a bit emotionally charged anyway … and telling them about secondaries is so much worse than last time because we all know what it will like now and last time I had blind faith that MX, chemo, rads and tamoxifen would ‘cure’ me.
Sorry Care, I didn’t mean to take over your post either … I just think that Christmas is a difficult time to deal with this news and sharing it is even harder. I don’t know about you, but I hate being responsible for the pain this causes the people who love me. But I also know that my brothers and I wanted to be involved in everything and know what was going on when my mum was DX with her brain tumour. I hope that you have good news and this won’t be a problem for you. But if not you will be amazed how you will cope … somehow we seem to find hidden strength to get us through this.
Good luck.
Jacqui
same boat too…have had dx since end Of November -confirmed by biopsy early Dec - but cant tell my adult children over the phone …wont see them til Monday …when i have to tell them …so close to Christmas…really nervous
good luck to everyone else having to tell people at Xmas and thanks for the advice from those who have had to do it already
Hi Care_N
I have just had my MX and full node clearance on the 9th december and am expecting my full oncology results on the 21st…It is a hard question to answer as only you know what is best for you…I have taken the approach to tell friends and family and have found them a fantastic support…my situation is different as I have had my operation before xmas and the family normally descends on me for xmas dinner but this year will have to be different
your BCN is also a massive support, the helpline here is also an option…good luck with whatever you decide to do and good luck on the 22nd you will be in my thoughts x x
julie x x
Thank you all so much for your advice and comments. I’m so impressed by how brave you all seem to be, and the care you show to others when you are going through so much more. It really helps to know that there are people there that understand how I feel.
My thoughts and prayers are with you all. I’ll let you know how it goes on Thursday.
Care xxxx
I had appointment 28th Dec last year, suspected I had bc all Christmas as had seen GP pre Christmas. I chose not to tell my boys or sister over Christmas. Didn’t tell them til after I got results on 6th Jan and knew what the treatment plan was. My choice, wouldn’t be for everyone but it was bad enough dealing with how I felt without dealing with how everyone else felt. My mother had bc, eventually died of secondaries, I knew it would cause a big angst in everyone.
One year on, fingers crossed, I’ve had lumpectomy and rads, I feel tired but fine (tired is because of running around at work, home, pre-Christmas rush so a good, normal tired)and am looking forward to Christmas, cancer-free.
I think you have to do what feels right to you, whatever will allow you the least stressful Christmas. Fingers crossed for you xx
Care,
Not sure that you will see this before you go for your results today, but I am thinking of you and hope that it is good new for you. xxx
If not come back here and you’ll find lots of support.
Good luck
Jacqui
Hello Care,
What a rotten time to go through all this! You have had lots of advice already but your post made me think of my own dx in August and how we handled it/ or not lol.
I had told hubby and mum I was goingn for biopsy but no-one else. When I was given the diagnosis I did tell mum immediately and then my siblings etc. My sister was home from OZ with her family the day after diagnosis, which turned out to be a blessing. We had a great party that night (although I didn’t drink much, I’m a bit og a lightweight!), then another party for other concerned relatives etc the next weekend and a third ‘night in’ before we buckled down and got healthy to give the cancer a fight!
It was great because others responded to the way we were and it was all very positive and ‘normal’. We just got the announcement out of the way and were able to get on with it so I was very lucky!
I hope you have a lovely Christmas! I’m through all active treatment now apart from Tamoxifen. We will enjoy every Christmas even more from now on.
Cxxx
Hello Care,
Good luck for your results today. I will be thinking of you.
Stuff is so much harder to deal with at Christmas and I am amazed that so many of us put off telling the ones we love until we have to. Women do tend to put everyone before themselves.
I had a MX Dec 3rd last year and only had 3 days between results and surgery but I left it until the decision was out of my hands to tell my kids. (18 & 15) and this Christmas I have just got my reconstruction date Jan 30th.
I am looking forward to an un interrupted Xmas next year.
You must do what is right for you. If it will cause you more anxiety to tell them before Xmas then don’t. I hope they would understand. Is a few days going to make a difference and it really is only a few days now? Saying that it won’t be any easier to tell them or for them to hear whenever you do it. You will know what to do and when the time is right. I would suggest that you wing it and see how you feel.
The Breast care nurses on the Helpline are great and I would reccommend them to talk to. I used them last year.
Good Luck for today XX Clumsymoo
Hi Care,
just want to add my very best wishes for today - thinking of you.
love Grace x
Care…
Been thinking of you today x x x
Julie x
Thank you all so much for your comments, it really helps to know you are out there, and know how this feels.
I have got breat cancer, and booked in for surgery on 11th January. Now its confirmed its easier to tell poeple because I know they have to know. I actually think I feel better now I know what I’m facing, rather than worring about what might happen.
I’m determined to have a good Christmas, and hope you all do too - thanks again for your support.
Care
xx
Care - I am so sorry your news wasn’t we all hoped for you. As you say, now you know what you are dealing with and you will rise to the challenge.
I hope you have the best possible Christmas.
Ann xx
Care…
what a bugger!!! at least like you say you can face this head on, I am only 13 days post MX and start my chemo in january so like you will be hoping to have a good xmas and new year if you need a moan feel free to pm me it really does help to get things off your chest (no pun intended)
Dont stop posting, keep a smile on your face, be kind to yourself and have as good a christmas as possible
lots of hugs
Julie x
Care,
So Sorry 
Not the news you wanted at all but as you say, now you know what you are dealing with you can face it head on.
This forum is a fabulous wealth of information and kind ladies who will share advice or just be there when you need.
Your emotions will be up and down, It is a real rollercoaster time so take care of yourself. Surround your self with loved ones, they make a huge difference. The support they will offer will get you through this horrible time.
Try to enjoy some of Christmas.
Feel free to PM me if you want.
Clumsymoo
XX
Sorry to hear your news Care, that is rotten.
But I think that we all know what you mean about it being easier once you actually know.
Good luck with telling everyone, I’ll be thinking of you when I tell my boys this evening.
Have the best Christmas that you can.
Jacqui