Thank you - the new job is going well. It definitely was the right move.
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Hi - thanks. 
it was a good fun thread. Good to see it growing into different ways to help others.
Good to be back on here. And see your positive and encouragingly support to others. X
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Hello hen.
I started chemo on Wednesday. Had my first injection today district nurse came round as I didn’t know how j was going to be. I then have one tomorrow however I will do while they watch. Also ask them for the antiwipes as well, as I wasn’t given any. Check your notes from oncology to see if you are taking as well.
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Good idea for a new topic @mssteel .
Needing to think about this over time as I expect “change” will keep changing if you get my drift 
.
Im going to start with the tough stuff first:-
Im having to go much slower. I was always extremely active. The one to make a fence, build a cupboard, do the driving, make the picnic, help my friends, be the single parent, do the full time job. Be mum dad friend and everything else in between.
But Ive been hit with intolerable cancer/post surgery fatigue. 
. Plus, after lymph removal, and R Mastectomy/seroma, Ive now got restricted movements in my Right arm. So doing many things is a huge challenge. Even simple things like getting a tin out of the cupboard.
In a weeks time I will have a PICC line put in. Then chemo starts. 
So at the point of just being able to sleep in my side (pure bliss), after weeks of back only sleeping (hate back sleeping, I have a bad back), I will have to go back to back sleeping again. 
I have to rely on my left arm much more. I am right handed. So I reach into cupboards with left hand instead of right.
I helped my friend on his allotment a huge amount. I drive, he doesnt. So I have been his cart horse . In a nice way. I helped with digging/weeding etc. This stopped after the mastectomy. But I was just starting to be able to dig a little bit this week. Then I read I cant do digging and lifting with a PICC line in .
. So back to square one again. 
Huge challenges are always happening with cancer and its Treatment. 
So…..Ive had to learn to sit, rest, watch, sleep. This can be lovely, watching butterflies, loving the views, watching good films.
But it can equally be really frustrating and Limiting. I crave to do what I did before the cancer/mastectomy. But do you know, that is fine. I can be angry, and I can be frustrated. I dont have to be perfect, nor strong some days.
However, on the positive:
I have sailed through the loss of a breast. The “flat” has seriously never once bothered me. I said goodbye to my breast the day before surgery, and its been OK looking at a neat scar.
Ive had the joy of having all my friends root for me. Some days I am too tired to go out, but we text regularly. Support each other in creative ways. And people on the allotments, whom I knew a little, have all offered to help water plants, take me to shops, etc. if required. Its been wonderful. They have been unbelievably kind. 
I read these Post, and goodness, I hear you ladies young and older, coping with awful pain, operations, side effects, hair loss in a way none of us would have ever thought possible. What strength you all have. What kindness to strangers you all give willingly, and what determination you all show. 
I hear you young ladies coping with children, husbands, jobs, mortgages, as well as pain, sickness, fear….juggling so much. Yet, if I struggle I can curl up on my bed and sleep. Uninterrupted. I can be grumpy and no one is here to tell me off 
.
Life is not easy at times. It throws spanners in the wheels. It pushes us down rapids in a cruel and heartless way. But we ride the waves. We hold on to kindness. We share challenges. We show compassion.
I see people everywhere, trying their hardest to make me better. A surgeon who doesnt know me, operate on me in such a kind and compassionate way, that I was blessed to have him as my surgeon. Not to mention his operating Team, Nurses, Cleaners, Admin staff and YES Breast Cancer Now Charity, staff and Volunteers who give up their time to help me. Talk to me. Help me navigate a dark, painful hole, that is unfamiliar to me and frightening at times. They light candles so I can see again.
This is no easy journey. We WILL fall down. We WILL hurt. We WILL be scared. But it is OK.
We change, but we grow.
Life is never static. It is a journey from start to finish. I will always have to ride the waves, beat the storms, climb the mountains. 
But hopefully I will cherish the rainbows and feel the sun on my face when the peep out after the storm has gone. I WILL accept the change. 
Xxx
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This post is amazing @poppy261 and thank you so much for sharing.
I love that you included the unwanted changes too. It’s such a nuanced view of the topic that I actually didn’t consider while creating the post and I think it’s so important to include those changes also.
I believe you’re starting EC soon? I had my first round on 24th April so if you have any questions I can help with, feel free to fire away.
All the best to you. x
Thanks so much @mssteel . That is very kind of you. .
Re treatment….i have the dreaded PICC put in on Thursday morning. Then Chemo EC starts Friday. .
My initial plan is EC 2wkly x4 cycles , then Pac 2 wkly x 4 cycles. Depending on how my body copes. That could change.
I am busy thinking of last minute wants/needs on my shopping list .
Any advice is always welcomed. I have joined the May 2026 Chemo starters, but I have read some of the Posts in earlier months as people are at later stages of treatment, which has been helpful.
Chemo is such an unknown. Everyone is different. But main themes seem to relate to: nausea, bone pain, fatigue (use to this ), hair loss; nail becoming brittle. Ive just bought supplies from Boots to nourish my nails.
But Im awful at pampering myself…. I start moisturising etc then I lose interest. . I rarely take medicines. Not even for migrains/back pain. I tend to relax and do slow breathing techniques etc.
So anything around motivating myself to ensure I take daily medicines (that may make me ill), covering myself in creams/lotions, nail treatments ….. the list is huge would be very helpful. 
My cupboards are full to bursting. Ive planned for a hurricane hitting my home . But pampering??? Remembering Meds everyday???…..Mmmm.
My diary is full of appointments. @foxgem gave me the heads up for Cancer Research Planner which I now have. Thanks @foxgem .
But I am quickly getting “organisation fatigue”. .
How have you coped? Xxx
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I feel you @poppy261! Pampering has never and will never feature on my to do list
So here’s what I did to prep for chemo…almost nothing!
I live alone and I did stock my fridge with tons of fruit, veg and salad the day before to make sure I ate well only to find the thought of eating it in the first few days after chemo absolutely stomach turning. I was able to eat things like white toast and porridge and drink OJ quite happily but had no energy to cook fresh dinners like I’d planned so my mum came over armed with a bunch of ready meals and she adopted the fresh stuff so it didn’t go to waste. 
I did buy a couple of head coverings in advance as obviously hair shedding is inevitable and also unpredictable in when, where and how it’s going to happen! I have shoulder length hair which I personally don’t want to crop or shave until it starts to go and so the plan is when I can tell it’s started to happen, I let my mum know and she’s going to come over and get it off before it clogs the drain.
But for a lot of other things, it’s really been a roll with the punches type affair.
The anti-sickness meds I only took for the first four days and haven’t touched them since because I don’t feel sick anymore. The filgrastim jabs are very important to do on schedule however so I pop a reminder in my phone to go off at the same time every day and prioritise doing them. It is important to take your temperature every day and I didn’t have a thermometer so I just popped into a chemist on the way home from my first round and picked one up for a fiver. I haven’t recorded my side effects in my treatment record as yet as I’ve only had fatigue, although it was extreme, and mild nausea so far and only for a few days but I think I probably will as my medical team might find it useful and I do enjoy a bit of admin. 
There are some things I do that are in line with advice given but they’re things I already did such I do moisturise my skin after bathing every day anyway and I do this for health reasons as my skin is sensitive rather than as a pampering activity. And I just use a cheap Tesco moisturiser that I’ve used forever and works perfectly.
The main takeaway here is that this is a very personal process and what works for me and my particular circumstances may be the complete opposite of what works for someone else and everything in between. And this process is also not linear. What might work for you one week, might be completely defunct the next.
Although I would say if you’re getting “organisation fatigue”, you should definitely consider a day off! x
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That is fantastic advice @mssteel
Especially the day off . That is seriously important.
My plan is, after Wednesday, “thats it” I do nothing except rest, exercise carefully, and “go with the flow” for the next 4months.
My problem has been, I live on my own like you, but already suffer from extreme fatigue due to ME and cancer/post operation fatigue. Which has floored me some days. So I can only do things slowly. Snail mode 
. Otherwise Im wrecked for days. So ive had to make sure I pace myself daily, to get everything in place in bite sized bits. Including doing last bit of allotment/garden stuff and take garden rubbish to the tip…including an old kayak. . I have no intention on doing any big gardening jobs after Wednesday. Happy to have a Triffid jungle if need be 
I did ask gardeners to come and do it for me but…wait for it…a slow 2hr job in my “small” garden, was quoted as a “days work, needing 3 people” !!??? 
. Alongside that, “All garden waste would be collected by a man and trailer” = 1 day x 3 gardeners came to £750. And the trailer came to £250= £1000 for a slow 2hr job !!! So I did it myself, slowly, with my friends help. 
. I could go abroad for a week with £1000 . !!!??
All my food is batch cooked/ready meals and frozen, or tinned. What I was going to do though was buy fresh food and veg on Wednesday. But I am going to take your advice here “not fill my fridge” , as I think that is really sensible. No point in wasting food. I have porridge and I have some of those long life half cooked buns, that need baking for 10 mins. I eat very little bread and often it goes off before it is used. So I found the oven ones work better for me.
Your other great advice is “basically go with the flow”. As symptoms change. I am aware it can get tougher as the weeks go by, but, yes, for some, its fine all the way through. Suck it and see I guess. Deep breathe, dont panic. . Easier said that done, but I am practising carefully.
Thanks re meds. Ive not been told about the injections, that freaked me out abit, happy to avoid them run away, so its good to know they are seriously important. . Its good to get my head around that before Friday. I may ask a District Nurse to come and show me how to do these. I will also get my phone alarm at the ready. 
.
..
Thanks so much. I really appreciate hearing your experiences. If all you fantastic ladies can do this, so can I.
Thinking of you already meeting these challenges. Xxx
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Dear @poppy261 , Just read your post and wish you well with your forthcoming treatment. I also lived alone during chemo/surgery and fretted that my lovely garden would go to rack and ruin…however it seemed to know I couldn’t attend to it and showed me that a bit less curation can reveal some charming surprises as plants start expressing themselves in previously unknown ways. I also found that a few minutes of weeding was perfectly possible as and when I felt up to it.
As for the filgrastrim injections - yes, they too came as a surprise in my meds bag to take home! The instruction leaflet unfolded into a gigantic sheet of paper, enough to paper a room! Boy was I scared and certainly didn’t want to inject for the first time alone in case of a reaction so I rang a friend who came round and sat with me as I did the deed. She was more squeamish than I was and couldn’t bear to look. Fortunately all was well and we still laugh about it today.
Take care, love Tulip x
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Ah thanks @Tulip29 . Goodness that seems very daunting just having injections “in the bag”. Not having meds discussed before you left. Not being shown how to inject yourself. Having just a roll of paper. . I think I will ring up Oncology this week so they dont get chance to do that to me.
I can happily take out a splinter from my finger. And managed to do first aid on myself in November when a seriously gashed my leg that needed GenAn /20+ stitches in.
But injections of serious medical stuff !!??? Thats on a different level altogether. Well done all you ladies who have coped with doing this yourselves. Hats off to you.
Re gardens, yes you are right. Birds and animals bring in lots of seeds, dont they, and old seeds suddenly germinate if left alone. It will be good to let nature help me out on that front, this year. 
. I could even let the bramble from next door spread so I can gather blackberries . Or that could be risky re scratches/infections. Those thorns are attracted to me I am sure.
Thanks for so much good advice. So many things I never thought of. Really appreciate it.
Don’t worry @poppy261, the injections really aren’t worth the drama I built up before starting them. After I’d done the first one, there was a real “is that it??” moment. I feel the instructions are a lot more complex than the actual process is so try not to be overwhelmed by them like I was! Like @Tulip29 I got someone to be with me the first time for safety and support and it is now a funny story we share.
Another bit of advice I thought of, and it was actually probably the most important thing I was told by a fellow patient in the chemo room, was don’t suffer on or try to be brave if you think something’s not right. Say something and ask for help. You’ll be given a 24 hour helpline number in case of any problems so use it if you need to. I called them on a bad morning and it turned the whole day around for me.
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Thats reassuring to know @mssteel . Thanks so much. . Its very easy to feel overwhelmed. Especially when we are already pooped out. .
I will definitely get a friend or the District Nurse. I will most certainly use the 24/7 helpline. Id much rather appear soft than ignore something that could be a concern.
But because Ive had broken bones, have ME, migrains etc Ive got use to just ignoring constant aches and pains. If I worried about every symptom I get I would be locked in my bedroom fearful to move.
But my Oncologist told me bluntly that I NEEDED to start “noticing” symptoms now.
After years of GPs telling me, “thats just how it is…ignore it”. Im now being told, “whatever you do call us. Dont ignore”. Thats tricky. As I certainly dont want to become worried about every tiny thing. But it IS having to retrain my life long thinking pattern. .
Eg…Ive had Heart Flutters for years. I just let them happen. I never worry. Then the other week, I was told by the Heart Specialist, NOT to ignore them now as chemo can make them worse.
Cancer certainly makes us change our perspectives on things doesnt it !.
Really appreciate your thoughts.
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It has made me feel lonely, which seems a little ungrateful. My daughter has tried to be supportive and so as my husband in his own way. But since the right side mastectomy and left side reduction he hasn’t even hugged me and it has been 9 almost 10 months since surgery.
Maybe things will improve in time .
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Goodness @cattyg . So sorry to hear that. Its not being selfish nor negative at all. ,
You have just gone through a really serious diagnosis and operation. It turns our lives upside down. Its seriously hard for us all.
Dare I say it, as some men are very supportive very naturally, others struggle to know what to do or say.
I dont think they always mean to be unresponsive. They are grieving too in a way. And worried about the cancer, how it affects you, the operation. But many men are brought up to never show feelings. Then they get hit with all this. They get lost in a muddle of a whirlpool, and have no idea how to navigate the unknown. They worry about upsetting you. Saying the wrong thing.
Give him time. Talk it through with BCN nurses. They are wonderful and I am sure they will be able to offer you good suggestions.
Many husbands struggle. But even the strongest ladies are justifiably exhausted with children, cancer, side effects, body image. It’s tough.
Ive been divorced for years. But I have a very close friend who is wonderful. We dont live together but we are in contact every day.
Ive seen him struggle with my diagnosis sometimes more than me. He doesnt want to be a burden. He worries about not being able to cope himself. He thinks hes letting me down, when he actually does loads.
At first he was frightened of my lack of breast. Then over time hes got use to it. And says how proud he is of me coping so well. But hes rung me saying…”I dont know how to help you!” 
. Xxx
Cancer is an Onion. 
with infinite layers of feelings, symptoms, life changes, wants, needs.
We get the treatment then we are left. People assume our family friends partners husbands just “slip” into the new life.
They dont. They struggle.
Give him time to adjust. Give him time to talk. But get support for yourself to help you cope whilst he is navigating a new road. Cancer charities offer wonderful support groups, counselling, relationship support. Give them a call.
My friend? Hes my best friend. But he copes by digging on his allotments, growing me food, making a beautiful space for me to visit. 
He doesnt always “appear” to be doing things for me directly. But he is working it all through in his own way. I realised I needed to just let him find his own path through all this. And he is.
He stumbles. I stumble. I start chemo on Friday and I warned him…” I may get grumpy”
Another hill to climb. He asked if I wanted him there. I said “No, you will hate sitting there watching me have chemo, and not being able to do anything” . I told him to go on his allotment and find some peace. Then I will call him to say how I am. He will be there with supplies and a kind word. Other days he will let me sleep. Other days he will need his own space. Thats fine.
You are coping with so much. We forget how strong we are, but I realise we need to access a variety of support.
BCN have been my lifeline through a single mastectomy, 8years of Treatment ahead of me.
My friend loves that I access support networks for myself. Go out with friends etc.
He knows when he cant cope, I have others around me who can. Thats fine also. Xxxx
Sending you kindness.
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Hey @cattyg
That doesn’t seem ungrateful at all. We can be in room full of people and still feel lonely and this means we aren’t connecting with those people.
This disease can be very isolating as it often takes someone who has been or is going through it themselves to truly understand and most of us don’t actually know that someone. I certainly didn’t, but I do now and it has eased that loneliness for me a great deal plus taken pressure of my family as I was trying to get support from them that they couldn’t give.
Have you talked to your husband about how you feel? Is it possible he’s not sure what you want or need so is being hesitant in showing physical affection and maybe needs some direction from you? Open communication is often the key to solving so many of life’s problems but often doesn’t happen because, let’s face it, it’s hard!
I had to force myself to have important conversations in recent months regarding two longstanding difficult situations and it was terrifying because if they’d have gone wrong, it could’ve made things so much worse for me. However I needed to do it because those situations were making me extremely miserable and now I’ve finally done it, those situations have so far been rectified for the better.
I really hope you manage to work things out and wish you all the very best. x
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