Hope we are all enjoying a sunny Saturday as much as we possibly can. I’m up North and it’s gorgeous here despite this particular area of the UK’s well known reputation for being “grim”.
Inspired by @foxgem’s “Cancer made me eat…” thread, I thought I’d kick off a topic around what cancer makes us change.
Could be as tiny as it made you try a new nail polish to you finally gave your rotten partner the elbow! Or maybe it made you think or behave differently? Maybe you even started a whole new life.
Would be great to share stories on anything and everything so feel free to add just that.
Cancer has completely changed my outlook. I got a surprise stage 4 diagnosis out of the blue in December. I now appreciate things a lot more than I did, I don’t take stuff for granted any more and I have learned to live in the moment, live for today and not spend my time worrying about the future. I have found this change has made my life so much better and I wish I had done it before cancer!
I think this is a big one and absolutely on my list of things I’m trying to change but not quite there yet. I can imagine a surprise stage 4 diagnosis would definitely give you a swift quick into mastering this. I’m so glad you feel better for it.
One of my main ones is asserting boundaries, getting over the need to please people and stopping letting them walk all over me. I’ve had a couple of opportunities to practice this over the last few weeks and although I found having those discussions absolutely terrifying, it has so far worked out really well!
It might be easier to list what cancer hasn’t made me change haha
Cancer has made me tidy certain aspects of my life.
My diet. I try to be a lot more aware of what I’m eating and why. At first this was out of fear. Fear that I was feeding my cancer. Fear that it was my fault it had started growing in the first place. Slowly though as I researched and as I changed my diet I started to feel the benefits of eating better. I’m less bloated and if I do eat something that’s not the healthiest, I no longer feel guilty for it because I know that most of the time I’m making better choices. Cancer has changed my diet but I am happy about this. I really enjoy the challenge of making each meal worth it. Food is medicine
Cancer made me embrace an app called Yuka. It scans beauty products and packaged foods giving a break down of the ingredients. It tells you if there are any high risk ingredients that can have a negative impact on your body. It takes a while to let certain foods go, certain products, but I really enjoy the knowledge that I’m not just being sold clever advertising anymore. I can actually check if a product is worth the price. Check that its not going to harm me in ways I dont understand. I have to say, since changing my beauty products my skin has never looked better.
Cancer has changed the way I talk to myself, which was long over due. I speak kinder to myself and I am learning to challenge my negative thoughts. I also now consider self care absolutely necessary everyday. Simple things like lighting a nice candle in the evening, using some massage oil on my hands and nails. I look forward to including my hair in this when it starts growing back.
Cancer has changed how I think about the people around me. It has made me want to nurture the relationships I have in my life that are important to me. I never want to think, I should have made more of an effort with this person. It has made me more aware of the people that I want in my life.
As terrifying as my journey has been I think cancer has changed things for the better for me. It’s an opportunity to make positive changes and I’m going to embrace that
I can definitely relate on the diet stuff and I have massively struggled with this myself, with a tendency to swing wildly between completely cutting out anything even slightly “unclean” and then gorging myself on those very same foods through feeling deprived. I realised I was coming at this from a place of fear and now have started to settle into diet changes that add in rather than cut out and focus on the integration of both nourishment and pleasure. The only thing I’m personally a hard no on is alcohol as it just makes me feel rubbish!
I like what you said about changing how you think of the people around you. I’ve had a bit of shift in this too and not just with those close to me. I’ve become a lot more understanding towards others in general because, as the saying goes, you never know what someone is going through.
The being kinder to yourself and self care is definitely something cancer has made me want to change. My people pleasing tendencies generally mean my self care takes a massive hit and I can be pretty rough on myself if I make a mistake so that’s one I want to work on.
Another big change for me is letting go of what I can’t control. I mean, you can book your ticket and get to the station in plenty of time, but there’s absolutely nothing you can do to make your train arrive!
That is so right. We have very little control over things. That’s actually another great example of what cancer made me change. I have had lots of conversations with my therapist about acceptance. When we resist things, they become so much harder to manage. Accepting things we don’t like is so powerful and freeing.
I don’t like that I had cancer, I won’t ever be happy about it but I can accept it. It is what it is. A situation we had no control over
Absolutely! Although it sounds counter-intuitive, I often find that just surrendering to any negative feeling actually makes it seem not as bad and it doesn’t seem to last as long.
Another thing I thought of was doing things simply to enjoy them rather than there having to be some productivity or achievement element to it. Like going for a walk to feel the sunshine and the fresh air and experience your surroundings rather than getting your steps in!
Thanks for this mssteel. This is a very important question you have put forward.
I want a lot of change and it’s a bit of a challenge as need to keep working and we are past retirement age, so I want to change and do something different. Not so easy when you have to keep going. I am a therapist and done this for 40 years and a lot of giving outwards and need to have more incoming to me and things that nourish me even more. Need to fill the empty vessel that I have become. looking after others is expensive on the body and mind after. So I am looking at big change. Moving one of them as well. Or at least working towards that. I am looking for a new adventure and the energy for this. So for now resting and not seeing clients. Want more freedom.. That’s a lot and I am not looking for small change, it has to be a lot more meaningful for me at this time in my life. None of us are not here long. We are are only on this planet on a lend lease basis, so life is precious. I don’t want to be looking at it. More meaningful times with those I love. No distractions!!
Absolutely! I think slowing down and having that break for yourself is a great starting point for a good shake-up. It provides space for ideas to organically grow by paying attention to how you feel and it already sounds like you have a wider vision of what you might want your life to look like even if you’re not 100% on the specifics as yet.
I hope you find what you’re looking for, very inspiring!
Hello, ooh im going to spend my first chemi session next week seriously thinking about this. I was shocked cancer ,shocked even more chemo. Cause its tnbc they said you havent done anything wrong however what caused it why. Yes we all have dormer cells but what woke it up. Take care big hugs xxx
This is a wonderful thread thank you so much. It’s amazing how every day feels so different - I feel MORE of everything - more joy, more sadness, more fear and more hope . I am defintiely trying to protect myself more and be clearer about my boundaries . Trying to stay porous but know when I can’t give anymore. I was intrigued when someone who’s worked with people with cancer for 40 years said to me everyone who she’s met who had cancer had a tendency to give out a huge amount and that this is something to be aware of … I suppose it’s wonderful to be a giver but we do need to look after ourselves . I am definitely moving my body more and I have given up alcohol ! We were on holiday in France and my husband urged me to ‘just have one’ and I was able to say no as it felt safer . However , I am starting to relax a bit more on other treats I stopped - as there has to be joy ! Thanks for all your wonderful words - it’s all so life enhancing . I think that’s also what’s changed - I seek life enhancement and I think moan less !!
Great post! The boundaries theme is strong on this thread.
And well done on saying no to the “just one” in France. I’ve also removed alcohol from my life and know the temptation to have “just one” well. Plus I’m sure France offers so many beautiful things that the wine is just a small part that won’t really be missed. Never been to France but is on my goal list for when treatment is done.
I’ve spent a lot of time wondering what caused my cancer too and it absolutely makes sense to want to know what made you ill, but I’ve honestly made peace with that I’ll probably never know and am now looking to how I want to live my life going forward.
I believe your chemo start date is today unless anything’s changed so hope it all goes well for you. x
You’re absolutely right @mssteel - France offers so much . You’ll really enjoy it and that’s something very much to look forward to . Biggest best wishes for the treatment
