Can't stand this any longer

4 weeks ago i saw my oncologist with a tiny lump in my neck.
In february i finished chemo so a recurrance so soon afterwards wouldnt be great news. she said i was to have a ct scan in 3 weeks and see her again in 4 weeks.
after chasing and chasing the appointment i finally got a ct scan yesterday (4 weeks) and an oncology appointment today - so obviously the results weren’t in yet. the oncologists’s registrar had a look at the scan and couldnt see the lump showing at all. she said it might be an infection (i havent had one that i know of, and why would it last a month) but that it was tiny so probably nothing. what on earth size has to do with anything is beyond me - surely if it is the cancer back it is best to deal with it NOW!
I have to phone friday to find out if the radiologist can see it on the ct scan. I hope it does and i hope they can tell me what it is - i dont want to hear that its probably nothing since it doesnt show up.
i have been through a month of hell now - i actually cant cope with not knowing. i wish they would just cut the damned thing out and see what it is. if its nothing then i’ve lost nothing, if its cancer then its gone. i have constant headaches, lots of mood swings - and i’m fed up crying.
sorry for moaning - just needed to vent

Dear cazza36

I’m sorry you find yourself waiting for test results again.

As well as the support you’ll receive on here, why not give our helpline a call to talk things over. They’ll be open at 9.00am (9-5 weekdays and 10-2 on Saturdays). The number is 0808 800 6000. They will be able to offer practical information and emotional support.

Take care

Very best wishes


BCC Moderator

Cazza…so sorry to hear that you’re waiting again. I Don’t think the ‘professionals’ realise how stressful it is. No pearls of wisdom from me as you’ve already been there but please stay strong. Will be thinking of you & keeping everything crossed. Lynn

Cazza I can completely sympathise, I myself am in a similar boat! I originally had spread to lymphnodes under arm so a ct scan was done begore chemo to check for spread anywhere else. A couple of indeterminate nodules showed up on my lungs so was told i would be scanned again after chemo to check for changes (if unchanged then prob just scar tissue from previos chest infection) i finished chemo end of June and had ct scan two weeks later, had to wait nearly 4 weeks for results (came by letter) that said original lung nodules unchanged but there are now additional lung nodules on outside of both lungs and as too small to biopsy would need another scan in 3 months!!! I really didn’t feel I could wait for another 3 months for answers so made appt with my oncologist yesterday. He said he was surprised when these additional nodules showed up straight after chemo and couldn’t rule out a spread of the cancer but it would be unusual. He doesn’t know what they could be and it’s just wait and see and monitor them for changes! I feel as though am right back at square one now and there is nothing I can do but wait!

Jlr it’s a nightmare isn’t it. you must be going out of your mind. i guess it would be tricky to do a biopsy of something on the lung - but that would put your mind at ease. Keep in touch and let me know how you get on xxx

Cazza - I’m in very similar situation. 3 weeks ago I noticed lump just above collar bone a few days after I’d had CT & MRI scans. Onc said scans showed nothing, but then I had mammogram & ultrasound and several lumps showed up on ultrasound - having seen these onc thinks very likely a recurrence. I too finished chemo in Feb (I’m triple neg and had extensive node involvement).

I had a PET CT yesterday and having fine needle biopsy test next Tues. Worried sick but still hopeful that my oncologist is wrong. How odd that mine is assuming the worst, yours the opposite!

TJ xxx

Yes Teej thats the same as me - on my neck just above the collar bone.
I was told i could get my results this afternoon by phone but after two calls to the answering maching i’m still in the dark. I think i’m going to have to hope that no news is good news and wait till monday.

I can’t have an MRI scan because i have a tissue expander with a metal / magnetic gate (which would be ripped outa my chest by the machine apparently lol).

It is strange the different attitudes. As long as they keep investigating and dont just give up i dont mind which i guess. when are you getting the results of the scans? Good luck with the needle biopsy - not fun but defo a good idea.

results STILL not in (they said they should be this afternoon)
could have done with some results before going to the funeral tomorrow of a lovely 34 year old girl i met during radiotherapy 3 months ago. she lost her fight with breast cancer on wednesday.

dont know how i am going to cope till monday

Cazza mine didn’t show up on CT so you may be none the wiser. You might end up having biopsy too. Waiting is awful isn’t it? xx

Hi cazza, sorry your still waiting on results it’s so hard! Fingers crossed it will turn out to be nothing to worry about xx

i no exactly how u feel. i seem to spend my days wondering when i am going to die had a mx in april and radio but just dont seem to be able to snap out of this shit low mood.u look younger than me from your photo

Teej I think that might happen since the oncologist’s consultant couldnt see it on there (thought she did say shes not trained like a radiologist).

JLR i hope so too!!!

Pumpkinbum (love the name) I’m finding fear of recurrence overwhelming - it was fine till i found the neck lump - now i am swamped. I’m 37 (36 at diagnosis).

Hi pumpkinbum (loving your username!!)…just wondering if a read of the article below may help with how you are feeling? It did for me last year…you take care xx

Dear all,

Hope that you all have clear results. What an awful position you are all in. xx

Sending (((hugs))) to you all. Just shows what a cr@p disease this is. xxx

you’re right maggiemay - every time i find a lump or bump it terrifies me now. It gives you the fear!

Maryland that is a brilliant link, thank you for sharing ! x

Cazza I have been following your thread, praying for a happy outcome for you . Kathy x