Went back to the hospital on Monday, although the cancer was slightly larger than diagnosed it was all removed and surrounding area was clear - Phew. Then told that they took 4 biopsies on lymph nodes and 1 was found cancerous, up until then I had been told that it was only a matter of course and there was no indication that it would have spread. So the good news was followed by another out of the blue comment and although I knew I would have to have Radiotherapy I have now been told that Chemo is also necessary !!!
I know I am in denial and hoping that it wont happen but S*** I am so scared - cant stop crying and my head is all over the place. Suppose I will feel better after appointment with the Oncologist.
So many questions, I am completely phobic about being sick so panic is alreay setting in. At what stage will I lose may hair, will I lose it all, should I start looking at wigs now and what about eye lashes and eyebrows - not a vain person but my son gets married in 9 weeks [reaching for the tissues as I type]
Suppose I am also feeling very sorry for myself as Seroma is really uncomfortable today and I need a hug.
Well, love to all out there, take care and keep warm xx
A real quickie from me cos I’m meant to be working.
First off, big hugs and DON’T PANIC! Chemo isn’t pleasant, but it is ‘doable’.
Sickness:
I had chemo and wasn’t sick once - they have really good anti-sickness meds these days and their aim, while treating you, is to keep you as side-effect free as possible. If you are really phobic, explain this to them and ask for Emend - it’s the best antisickness around, but isn’t always given as a matter of course.
Hair:
Ask about using the cold cap. Your hair won’t start to fall out until about 10-14 days after your first chemo. I used the cold cap, and while it wasn’t completely successful, it slowed the hair shedding and I could get away without a wig or hat until nearly my third cycle. You should be able to get a voucher to put towards a wig.
Eyebrows and lashes depend more on what chemo regime they give you - I didn’t lose mine at all through FEC, but they went when I started on Taxotere.
Enquire about and get yourself booked on a ‘Look Good Feel Better’ session. Then, even if the worst comes to the worst, you wil know how to draw in eyebrows and use eyeliner to make up for a lack of lashes.
Your cancer journey sounds alot like mine so I hope I can be of some help. I am sure that your onc will go through what type of chemo you are going to get and the side effects will to some extent depend on that. Having said that, one thing I have discovered is that chemo affects each person very differently.
I am on FECx3 then TaxX3, also called FECT. I have just had my 3rd dose of FEC and the worst se for me has been a feeling of nausea (have never actually been sick) and very intense sense of smell (very much like morning sickness)which starts on day 4 and lasts about a week. It has actually lasted a little longer with each one, which my onc told me to expect. The third week of the cycle is the best and I start to feel really back to normal during those weeks but just have to be careful about not picking up infections.
My hair went quite quickly from day 16 but I still have my eyelashes and eyebrows. I sorted out my wig before I lost my hair and had it cut by a trained wig stylist (look at the My New Hair website for a list). This was the best thing I have done as I love my new hair and feel very comfortable wearing it. The wigs available are far better than I thought they would be and very easy to care for. No more blow drying, straightening etc, just shake, brush and go!! Could save hours at the hairdressers on the wedding day. I have also worn a hat on top of my wig without any ill affects so you should be ok that way too. You should get a prescription for your wig from the BCN or cancer support center along with a list of suppliers.
Another great thing to get on is a Looking Good, Feeling Better session, which are run all around the country. You get shown how to apply makeup and get a great goody bag of beuty products and makeup to take home.
There is loads of great support and advice on this site. Perhaps take a look at the ‘Starting chemo in January’ thread might give you an idea of the possible se’s and how people cope with them.
I am sure there will also be many others along to help out soon. Good luck on your journey. It seems so scary at times but it is doable and the alternative is not worth thinking about. It is totally normal to have the ocassional meltdown, but you can and will get through this.
You sound just like me when I was told the cancer was in my lymph nodes. It was such a shock! I had CT scan and bone scan which were both clear. I then had chemo before surgery, 8 sessions 3 weeks apart and I was never sick. My hair started coming out 17 days after the first chemo (which was EC) and I off what was left after the second. I lost all my hair, eye brows, eyelashes and the lady garden (!) I had a mastectomy and full lymph node clearance 4 days before Christmas 2011 and I had a massive seroma. My body eventually absorbed the seroma and my hair is returning. I started Radiation treatments yesterday which is the final stage of active treatment. What I am trying to say to you is that you will get through this. My photo shows me in January of this year, and I am wearing my wig - no one can tell that it is a wig. I went to a Look Good Feel Better session last August and learnt how to apply eye make up that disguises the lack of brows and eyelashes, and came away with a lovely goody bag of products to try.
My mantra through all of this was “This too will pass”
Just let it all out and cry until you’re done. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. You’ve just been broadsided and it’s going to take a while to get to grips with this latest news. Here are some gentle hugs to keep you going (((((((()))))))).
The fact that the op got clear margins is a positive. And there are many women who have had one lymph node involved who go through treatment and go on to live without cancer for the rest of their days, while others who have no node involvement go on to get a recurrence or another primary. Who knows how that works?
I understand that you’re terrified by the idea of chemo, but things have moved on such a long way in recent years and most can tolerate the side effects pretty well. Some people even manage to work through chemo! You’ll be given anti-sickness medication to keep your nausea under control and there’s no need to suffer with this. If the meds don’t work, you tell your team straight away and they’ll try different options until they find something that works for you.
If you’re concerned about losing you hair, ask about the option of cold cap which may mean you keep all or some of your hair. Hair generally starts to come out around 3 weeks after your first treatment. I kept my eyebrows and eyelashes for a long time; others don’t lose them at all.
When do you see your onc? Lots of your questions and fears will be addressed then, I’m sure. It may help to write these questions down, so that you get all the info you need at your next appt or give your bc nurse or the BCC helpline a call if you can’t wait. I would also maybe ask if you can hold off starting chemo until after your son’s wedding. It’s worth asking.
And try to think of the chemo not as the enemy, but as fighting on your side. It’s just another step on the road to living cancer-free for many years to come. Good luck, keep posting with your questions and take care, Angelfalls xx
Nausea/vomiting - some people throw up; others don’t. I had FEC x 3 and I did, but then I am a bit of a sicky person (motion sickness etc. Ondansetron or Aprepitant (Emend) can be given IV before your chemo and you will also have had some steroids (dexamethasone)prior to and after chemo and this also has anti-emetic properties. You will usually be given some anti-emetics to take home for a couple of days. I used to have my chemo at 10am then felt fine until 4pm when I would start to feel nauseous and have to lie down. Was usually throwing up by 7pm but only a couple of times and then felt a bit queasy for 2-3 days. However, there are plenty of women who didn’t get sick so fingers crossed that’ll be you.
Hair. I had very long, thick, dark hair and had it chopped to chin level prior to starting. It started shedding around day 18 and in the end, I shaved it off because it was driving me mad; if I tried to wash it, it came away and I couldn’t brush it because it came out in chunks. Also had a strange sensation on my scalp like tugging. When it started falling in my food, I’d had enough! I kept my brows and lashes on FEC but they came out with Taxotere which I had later.
Some women do cold cap but as I was stage IV, I figured I wanted chemo absolutely everywhere. I’m sure there are some others who can advise you on this.
With regard to your son’s wedding, remember you can negotiate with your onc about when you have your chemo. From a feeling OK and infection point of view, it would be best if you were in week 3 of chemo (it’s usually given every 3 weeks).
Hope everything goes well for you. Feeling sorry for yourself is perfectly acceptable and goes with the territory (as does screaming and throwing stuff Give yourself a break.
Just to reiterate what the other posts have said, this is the worst you will feel as at the moment you are not in control and you are fearing the worst as it is the fear of the unknown.
I was diagnosed in November 2010 so apart from 1 more Herceptin I am at the end of my treatment. I had 4 x AC and 4 x Paclitaxol chemo, both really strong every 2 weeks. I also have a thing about being sick. My onc told me she would guarantee that I wouldn’t be sick and she was right. I was on Emend, Granisetron, Dexamethasone and Domperidone and I took them religiously, so my advice is scream and shout for as much anti-sickness as possible.
With regard to hairloss, mine started coming loose so to speak after the first session and by the second I was leaving clumps everywhere so I shaved it off. I did get a wig but never wore it as it didn’t bother me not having hair. But I didn’t have any events to go for. My advice would be to look on the Trevor Sorbie My New Hair website, it has details of hairdressers who can cut a style a wig to suit you so that no-one will be able to tell.
I found losing my eyebrows the worst as generally I don’t wear make-up so pencilling them in looked strange. But again on the internet I found some really good false eyebrows from a company called nu-brow, which you just stick on with eye lash glue. Sounds weird but they are natural hair and look very real, better than pencil. Lashes are easy, just get some semi-false ones applied and no-one will know.
I went to a Looking Good session at my clinic but personally didn’t find it that great apart from the freebies as everyone else seemed to be at the end of their treatment whilst I was at the beginning, so I was the only one without hair and eyebrows and lashes.
As the other ladies have said you will get through it, it gets easier. I am now back at work full time and it is all becoming a distant memory.
Welcome to the BCC forums, in addition to the support and information your fellow users have supplied, I am posting a couple of links to further support ideas and our publication about hair loss which you may find helpful to read:
Our helpliners are available to talk you through your concerns and fears so please call for a chat on 0808 800 6000, the lines are open 9-5 weekdays and 9-2 Sat
hi EBhippo. i just found out i got to have chemo, too and i have been upset; though reading all the comments on here from the lovely ladies going through or have been through the chemo is very helpful. so sorry were in this but if others can do it i am sure we can get through it. i also have a painful seroma drained once and needs draining again. bit worried as i feel shivery and sweaty and wondering if it is infection. hope not anyway lots of hugs hollygyp xxxx
Holly, give your BCN a ring in the morning, in case you need something other than just draining a seroma (apologies for the “just” but you get what I mean.)
Hi EBHippo and Hollygypsy. I can totally relate to your feelings. I had my lump and full nodes removed last Tuesday night and came home on Friday.
Up until surgery I had been really positive and strong and the day after surgery was the same, then the next day I was a crying mess and pretty much can cry at the drop of a hat ever since !
The breast care nurse came round and I cried my eyes out in the hospital and she just smiled and told me that it was really really common for woman to find it “hits them” after surgery or as they start chemo because up till then our survival instincts are kicking in but once we have treatment we have to sit back and just be treated and then we start to absorb the enormity of it all. She said to expect it to last several days.
I find out on Weds if they got a clear margin and if they haven’t I suspect I will be in pieces - as although the surgery was fine - I just don’t think I have the strength to deal with it all again. And if it’s all clear then I get my dates etc for Chemo and I’m already driving myself insane worrying about that.
Unfortunately I have the financial stress of nobody else paying the mortgage so need to be well enough to still earn some money, so I think the tears are a release of stress and Kleeneze will thank me for their increased profits
Give yourself a break.