…and I am scared stiff.
I know this is common as I read other threads. It seems that the closer it gets the more anxious I get. Tried to make the weekend busy to take my mind off it, but everyone we saw kept asking ‘how are you?’ and expecting a full blown conversation about it when all I am trying to do it forget.
I know that they mean well. I wonder what we talked about before this - as they don’t seem to be able to talk about anything else. I know I am being harsh as I have great support and brill friends - I don’t mean to be ungrateful I am just fed up.
Hopefully after tomorrow I will see the light at the end of tunnel.
Thanks for listening, sending lol,
Tracy xx
Hi Tracy
We all know how you feel. It’s a strange feeling waiting to go to chemo for 1st time. I didn’t know whether to cry or what. Couldn’t settle to do anything and felt cold deeep inside.
Hubby came with me. We parked car and walked down to dep’t. Met by smiling receptionist who said “We’re running a bit late, would you like to take a seat in the waiting room?”. I’d psyched myself up to have it done straight away not to wait about for 11/2hr. I told them I’d come back in an hour and walked out. Hubby asked where we were going but that had me puzzled so we went to outpatients and got a brew.
I felt a bit of a fool going back but nobody minded. There’s tears, laughter jokes and all sorts at our chemo dep’t. Staff are wonderful and now that I’m on a different day (herceptin) we all laugh about the troubles we had with chemo and how bad hair days now feel wonderful as opposed to being bald.
I’ll think about you tomorrow and hope that all goes well and you don’t have too many side effects.
Take care
Marilyn x
Hi Tracy. Just wanted to say all the best for tommorow, Hope it goes O.K. for you, I will be thinking of you. Got the all clear today to start mine 6th August, so we wont be far behind each other. Im the same as you, worrying, but Im sure once we have had the first lot we wont be as scared, and im glad to have such a nice person to share the ups and downs with.
Take Care Tracy,
Lots of Love and a Big Hug
JillianXXX
Hi Tracy,
I know what you mean about people wanting to natter - I had a “do” on Saturday in my local Asda…my cousin works in there and since finding out I was gay she would look the other way and very rarely said hello…(not that Im big and butch or look mean!!) sorry I shouldnt sterotype a gay woman should I!!
Well Saturday she came swanning over and said hello and asked if I was doing ok(not mentioning cancer) - in which I replied I was and how I always am, then the lady on the pizza counter asked if i was ok, and I said yes, she said oh its just your Lynn told me about ya know and pointed to her breast and my cousin took off like a shot nowhere to be seen…at which point I felt i wanted to explode…Steph(my partner) was furious…then as we walked away the lady on the pizza counter came out and said listen i have 12 sisters and 9 have had breast cancer and not one of them has died so youll be ok!!!
As she said that everyone started staring at me as if i was some kind of lepar(sorry if spelling it incorrectly just on a typing rant) I went bright red and walked out…! it hurt so much!
Anyhow, Tracy, sorry to rant - I think my meaning is after that comment i just wanna get this thing over and done with and get on the road to better health so try and think its just medicine that is curing you, nasty as it may be…besides, I went to an airshow with the Navy doing a mock assault on the beach and you military personnel are tough cookies! I am sure you will be just fine…
Love
Lynnex
Hi Tracy,
I was thinking of you this weekend. Haven’t been able to log on 'til now and was wondering how you were doin. I totally understand how you’re feeling right about now. I remember my first chemo session back in may only too well, and to say I was shi**ing myself would be putting it mildly!!! I was totally and utterly bricking it, I don’t think I got a wink of sleep the night before and I felt like I was gonna be sick several times on the way to the hosp. HOWEVER, I got through it and you will too! I just know you will be absolutely fine, and no doubt tomorrow evening you’ll be wondering what all the fuss was about (well, sort of).
What time is your appt tomorrow? My first one was at 1.30 which was not ideal, 6am would’ve suited me! Tell you what, I was soooooo scared when I went for my first chemo, but when I got home I was soooo pleased that I’d got through my first one and that I was one down. My chemo day centre is a nurse led unit and it is awesome, I’m sure that yours will be lovely too. They always try and ply us with tea and sarnies when we go, I never take them up on the offer though and always feel like I’m offending them! Mind you, I’ll make up for it when I go for my Herceptin I’m sure!!! When I went for my first Epi I’m not ashamed to say I cried when she actually started the treatment. I was just scared of what was happening/going to happen to me. Thankfully my tears were short lived though and I left with a smile on my face. The only other time I’ve cried is when I switched from Epi to CMF and that was only first day nerves again.
I will be thinking of you tomorrow. You will be absolutely fine I’m sure, and I’m allowed to say that cause I now exactly what you are gonna go through! Anyway, enough of all this…how was the Ann Summers party on fri night??? I won’t ask how much money you spent!!!
Take care mate and let me know how you get on,
Kelly
-x-
Hi Tracy,
Just to send my best wishes as well for tomorrow. I’m 2 FEC down and 1 more to go and then onto Taxtotere for 3 sessions. It’s the fear of the unknown isn’t it? once your doing it it doesn’t seem as bad, you just get on with it. If I can give you any tips it would be to eat before hand, it’s always better with something in your stomach and take water with you as well. I was scared as well so I took some photos of my daughter with me and had a look at them when I was feeling a wee bit wobbly, they cheered me up and reminded me why I was going through all this. The staff are fantastic as well, you can have a good natter about anything that is worrying you.
Take care
Carole
Hope you get on OK tomorrow Tracy, will be thinking of you. It’s very fresh in my memory and I know how you feel. I kinda felt like it was the end of my old life and the beginning of my ‘cancer’ life and that I would never feel the same again…but guess what…10 days after my first chemo and I feel totally normal. It wiped me out 4 the weekend, but I was expecting something like that.
I drank loads and loads of water before, during and after the chemo, I think that helped. Be warned if you have Epirubicin, your wee will turn red!!! Nice touch.
Take care
LOL
Ali
x
Oh yes, red wee…looks like Raspberry cordial…really great colour!
Betty Boo
Hope you are OK and got through today. Let us know how it goes for you. Thinking of you…take care
Ali
x
Hi Tracy,
Been thinking about you all day today and hope you got through the first one ok…let us know how you are…
Thinking of you
Lynne.x
Hi Tracy
Hope your first chemo went well, as I think you’ve probably had it by now? I’m due to have my first session in a few weeks and - like you - am scared stiff. It’s the thought of being constantly sick and losing my hair that frightens me most, though some people seem to escape one or both. Truly hope you’re one of the lucky ones.
Fingers crossed. Mx
Hi Tracy,
I really hope you got on ok yesterday, I was thinking of you.
Moira - I felt exactly the same as you before starting my chemo (e-cmf) in May, but I’m pleased to say that chemo has never made me sick and I know that to be the case for loads of people. Hopefully they will get your anti-sickness meds nailed on your first session. Didn’t try the cold cap so did lose my hair though. I was gutted but you get used to is v.quickly, honest!
Take care all, and tracy, please let us know how you got on when you get a chance. Hope you aren’t feeling too bad mate. If its any consolation I am always v.tearful the first couple of days after my chemo and tend to be on a bit of a downer, feeling sorry for myself and all that!
Hope to hear from you soon,
Kelly
-x-
Hi girls,
I was going to say Moira - please don’t be too worried about the sickness. You should not be ‘constantly sick’ at all, some people like Princess are OK, others may have an episode of sickness, etc but the Oncology team should be able to prescribe sufficient anti-sickness drugs that it will not be a terrible problem.
Hope that puts your mind at rest,
F
xxxx
Hi everyone,
Well, my first chemo session has not put me off for life, thankfully. The staff and ward was great, really friendly. Apart from the fact that I spent all day there (my fault for using the cold cap).
Yes, my pee is red - like rose wine!!! I was fine when I came home and had a great nights sleep, not feeling too clever now - just tired and a bit fuzzy. Just going to take it easy and chill in the garden (with plenty of sun screen).
Next appointment is 14th Aug as I am tact2 trial. Will probably try the cold cap again although it wasn’t painful it was unpleasant - hope it works.
Jillian - good luck for next week, I will be thinking of you.
EVERYONE - thank you for your continued support, I only hope that I can be of some use to people like you all are for me (hope that is english) xx
Lynne - keep your chin up girl - there are far too many bigots out there, your real friends are what counts. But yes, I agree, being the centre of attention for the wrong reasons is annoying. sending my love xx
Sending you all lol
Tracy xx
Hi Tracy,
Really good to hear from you and glad you have the first one under your belt!
I take it when you wear a cold cap your there longer than if you just get the chemo?
Anyway, take it easy hun.
Lynne.x
Hi Lynne - and everyone else
I too just had my first chemo on Monday - no vomiting just feeling quite sicky first night. Just fuzzy and tired now and no appetite and horrible metalic taste in mouth but apart from that just fine 
It is the start of a long journey but one that must be done before we get on with the rest of your lives.
As for the cold cap Lynne - yes that does extend the day greatly but worth it if it works!! - I had the cap on for 45 mins before chemo started and for 2 1/2 hour after so that was a total of 4 hours. Its sure not the most pleasant thing in the world and am not looking forward to the next time using it (unless my hair falls out before then), but again - if it stops me looking like a “cancer victim” then I feel it will make my journey through this easier.
Take it easy and listen to your bodies - thats what I am doing!!
Thinking of you all although never ever thought I would be in this position
Hugs
Fiona
Oh dear. Now I am worried. My cold cap thing only adds an additional hour for me. Mine is not one that is attached to a refridgeration machine, but a kind of ice-hat that gets changed 3 times during the treatment. I had to have it on for 20 mins before and 45 mins afterwards. now I’m thinking that doesn’t sound long enough…so bye bye hair.
Anyone else used these hat things? They are kind of like a scooter helmet in shape and made out of neoprene stuff, filled with ice and straight out of the freezer.
Perhaps in Norwich we are a bit backwards (as per stereotype, farmers etc) and don’t have the electric ones that everyone talks about.
Ali
x
Hi Tracy,
I’m glad to hear you are doin ok so far. Welcome to the red wee club!!! I was a fully fledged member but have since resigned my membership (on CMF now). Anyway, now you have joined us ‘chemo caners’, you too fiona. At least thats the first one out of the way and you know what to expect for next time you go.
I always get a fuzzy head post chemo, good old ‘chemo brain’. Now I’m on CMF I get this drunk and spaced out feeling too, not entirely unpleasant now I’m used to it!!
Well, I hope your side effects are minimal and so you can continue to enjoy the sunshine.
Take care,
Kelly
-x-
HI again girls,
Yes, I am feeling fuzzy - everytime I do something simple like make a drink I then lie down for an hour!!! I am feeling a bit sicky but haven’t yet succumbed, fingers crossed. I bought the bands they recommended so hopefully they will help.
Yes, the cold cap meant I stayed in longer - I wore it for half hour before and two hours after, I will try it again like fiona unless my hair falls out before.
I am trying to enjoy the sunshine but can’t seem to be bothered to lie in it - not like me at all normally I am a sungoddess (in the basic terms - don’t look like one even pre-chemo).
So I am now a chemo chick!!!
I am off to get my injection (to speed up bone marrow) as I am two weekly chemo.
Catch you all later, sending lol,
Tracy xxx
Ali
My cold cap was the plug in type so maybe yours is different - although I’ve been lots of conflicting views so god knows who knows what they are talking about!!! - if that makes sense.
Everyone keeps talking about sunshine - spose its brightened up a bit here now (north east of scotland!!), but was peeing down this morning!!! - I too used to be a sun worshipper, and in fact should be sitting in Turkey right now but had to cancel to get this treatment going - o well, theres alwasy next year and I dont spose I would have relaxed much knowing what was just about to happen!!
Sending hugs to everyone
Fiona