Hi everyone,
I am new to this forum, but didn’t know where else to come for advice! My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer in both breasts and in her left lymphnodes at the end of september. She was due to have a bilateral mastectomy with her lymphnodes removed in October, however, at the very last minute (I mean LAST MINUTE, she was due to be wheeled to surgery in half an hour), the surgeon said he wasn’t happy to proceed as she is only 48 and he thought it was too rash of a decision and wanted to try her on chemo first. He was a locum consultant as the permanent surgeon has been on leave following an op himself, so we couldn’t blame this surgeon for changing at the last min as he had only travelled from Dublin up to Armagh that morning for mums op. ANYWAY, we are now 7 weeks into her chemo, she has had 2 doses, and will have a 3rd before christmas.
This doesn’t look like it should be in the chit chat forum, but I am so so stuck about what to get my mum for christmas! I know she can’t have beauty treatments like pedicures, massages etc. She has everything else, perfume, restaurant vouchers, overnight stays, i’m not kidding!
I saw this last night, thought it looked amazing, but don’t know if she is allowed to use a thermal spa? spa-galgorm.com/thermal-spa
Please can anyone advise? I don’t know if she would be fit for it, or whether it would actually be good/relaxing for her. Her first chemo made her horrendously sick for days till they changed her antisickness, then last time she had a syringe driver put in the day before her chemo and it worked wonders, no sickness this time just tired on it.
Any other suggestions for christmas presents would be greatly appreciated, please please help!!
Thank you so much xxx
Hello Glitterbubble
Welcome to the forums.
I’ve moved your post to a different thread so that more of our users will see it and be able to support you.
We also have a free helpline on 0808 800 6000 that you or your mum could call if you would like support or practical information. Lines are open 9.00 - 5.00 week days and 10.00 - 2.00 on Saturday.
with best wishes
June, moderator
Looks lovely, but I know a lot of spas won’t treat BC patients. Your mum is likely to be very up and down, so rather than splashing out on one big present, why not get her regular little pressies to cheer her up? Cashmere beanie, if she has lost her hair? I found silk camisoles great for rads, which can leave you a bit sore. Other nice ideas are magazine subscriptions, DVDs etc. Maybe a trip to the cinema when she’s having her good week? Doesn’t need to be a lot, but something small coming through the post on a regular basis would really brighten up her day. My sister doesn’t live near me, and sends me a greetings card every time I get through another chemo session. It’s just great to know that someone is thinking about you. I bet the best present you could possibly give her, though, is yourself - in person, or by phone/Skype. Hope this helps.
Hi Glitterbubble (love the name!)
I am sorry to read of your Mum’s diagnosis but glad that she is getting good treatment and has lots of support from you. Two years ago I had chemo in the run up to Christmas (my final dose was New Year’s Eve!) which meant it was tircky for people to decide what gifts to buy me but what I valued most was the time they spent with me. I have no idea what you Mum likes, but I think sdfmeg has made some really good suggestions. It may be that you could book something for her to look forward to in the spring or summer once all this is behind her - which will send a really positive message to her.
What usually happens on Christmas Day? She may may want to keep everything as normal as possible but not feel up to the usual busy time, in which case perhaps you could give her the gift of time and help?
I am sure that the thing she wants most is your love - which she clearly has. I’m sure you will choose great gifts and I wish you all happy Christmas and a healthy year to follow.
I heard a brilliant idea. How about a whole series of hand-written vouchers for personal little treats, that she can cash in when she feels up to it? They can range from doing the hoovering/ironing for her to a holiday and everything in between. Things like
- fresh flowers
- chocolates
- home-made cake
- girly shopping trip
- cooking dinner
- seeing a play/film
- coffee/tea at a nice cafe/garden centre
- hair appointment
- plant a basket/tub for her garden
You get the idea. It depends entirely on your Mum and what she likes, and whether you live near, but you can tailor it exactly to what she would like. I’m sure she’d appreciate the thought and care. It will also give her things to look forward to. It doesn’t even have to cost much, except perhaps in your time.
Morning Glitter Bubble…
I am 49 so your Mums era. I think the spa sounds good but I would prefer it if my daughter did the treatments for me at home. It would be lovely to buy her one of those foot spas along with some beautiful creams and lotions. The Elemis range is so so nice the girls from work bought it me , it is very expensive but they do a special breast cancer set specially designed to treat scars . The Sanctuary range is also lovely as well.
Perhaps you could arrange for your Mum to have her nails done as well. If she doesnt like false nails, just an expert manicure and french polish would be nice.
I also think a beautiful pashmina is a great gift , one in her favourite bright colours. My daughter got all soft and soppy in her old age, she is 20 and got me some of the Willow tree figures which are poignaant and heartfelt. She also got me a cushion with a message on the front and a little bear with a lavender bag inside to put in the Microwave. He came to Chemo with me so obviously became known as Chemo Bear so he know sits on my bed in triumpph that it is all over.
Whatever you choose your Mum will know that you love her very much and would do anything to make her happy.
Lots of love to you for a joy filled Christmas . Love Tracy xxx
Sending this to the top Glitter Bubble in case you lost this thread …Love Tracy
PS let us know what you decide …xxx
Hi everyone,
Thank you so much for all of your advice, it was my birthday over the weekend hence my lack of reply!
I think I have come to terms with the fact that although I would love her to enjoy a spa day that it just isn’t a good idea right now. Your ideas are all wonderful. I still live at home with my mum and dad and two younger siblings, so she always has our time and an ear to listen when she needs it. This Christmas will be a rather quiet one I think, sadly my mum’s brother took his own life this time last year, his first anniversary will fall on 23rd Dec, so I reckon everyone will be happy with a more relaxed and laidback Christmas. My sister and I, with my uncle will prepare the dinner so mum doesn’t have any worries there, she can just put her feet up (she definitely won’t, I know that for certain but we will try to get her to sit still!).
I am still all over the place in terms of what to get her, but I had been thinking over the weekend that I would like to get her little ‘treats’, just little things that can pick her up when she’s down. I like the mag subscription idea, but she has a sub to Prima and it sits unopened for a good 2 weeks every month, though I guess now she has more time on her hands until her treatment is over that may not be the case.
I had been looking at some of the Clarins products today, just something that might give her skin a bit of a boost, as she is worried that her skin has started to get very dry.
I will get there eventually! It is so hard to buy for the woman who has everything, (she really does have everything).
Thank you all so much, I really appreciate your help! xx
Simple idea but how about an old fashioned Christmas Stocking filled with small things she would like. I am doing that for my adult daughters (hope they do not sneak on here and read this!) because she told me that last year her firend made her one because her friend was fed up hearing just how much she missed her Christmas stocking ( she lives abroad now but is coming home this Christmas.
The gifts do not need to be expensive, some silver earings, chocolate coins, book marks, make up bag, or anything small that you think may appeal to her. It is not the cost. One year my girls gave me a made up checkbook. But I could chose from a helicopter trip, to a hot air balloon ride, or a trail in a glider etc…I cannot remember all the choices but I had to pick one of them and they paid the money into my bank account!
I am older than you Mum but do you know the best bit about Christmas…it is just having my 2 daughters here with us and both of them will be this year. Them just being there is the best bit of Christmas day.
Hi glittlebubble,
i want to spoil my mum also - she has looked after me during my treatment chemo and rads. but she does not want for anything
so going to be spending more time with my mum now I am feeling better and doing long girlie lunches and treating myself and my mum to massages - anything else that comes along
hugs and love to you
Prosie chin
hi there,
i’m also 48 and going through chemo first, no.4 next week, i agree with others on the cheque book idea, with lots of simple things. just anything you can do for her will be much appreiated on her low days, like cooking a meal, or just making a cup of tea and a snack. also a nice snuggly throw, for lounging on sofa for when she tired but doesn’t want to go to bed.
hope this is of some help
big hugs xx
suzee