Coming to the end of chemo and feel more scared than ever

Hi all, 

I was diagnosed TNBC in July 2022 I have had 12 weeks of Abraxane, 4 Pacitaxel and have my last EC on the 27th December. My op which has to be a mastectomy will be Feb at the earliest. I have been pretty good mentally all through however the last week or so I could cry at any moment. I am so worried about finishing treatment what if the cancer grows again? My BN told me when I was diagnosed my lump was 13mm when I started treatment about 6 weeks later it was over 80 mm. I know it’s aggressive and fast growing and I am so worried that it will grow and possibly spread. I’m worried about losing the support of having weekly treatment. I feel awful as all my family and friends keep saying one more treatment and you be done! They are so pleased for me but I’m dreading it, how can you tell your loved ones that? Then I think about my operation and that fills me with dread and fear I’ve never had a major operation and I’m so scared especially when you read all the stories of what went wrong with other ladies. I don’t know how to shake this feeling, my partner has been amazing all through this but how much more can he take?
Sorry for the long post I just don’t know who to speak to xx  

Hi,

My daughter although diagnosed with a different type of breast cancer has just finished fifteen months of treatment and has had the very same concerns.Obviously she is so pleased to come to the end but we realise that mentally she has to try and look to the future which she too is finding it difficult with a rollercoaster of emotions that come in waves.

Have you thought of going on the Moving Forward courses. Also my daughter through the Maggies centre had a four weekly course with a psychologist which she found very helpful.Following this in January she will also attend a mindfulness course.There is help out there if you feel this is for you.It’s a fact that people often think that’s it you’re over your treatment but sometimes it can actually feel like the beginning again and your on your own suddenly.

I do completely understand your worries but with the right support I’m sure you will have more days when you feel joyous at finishing your treatment.

Regarding your operation,do speak to your breast care team or use the helpline on here to speak to the nurses

Sending a big hug xx

Hello @Outofmydepth  

I’m so sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed at the moment and it is completely understandable that you are feeling this way. 
A breast cancer is so horrible for so many reasons, leaving aside the physical effects of the treatment, the psychological effects of being told your body has done this horrible thing to you, the “choices” you have to make: let’s face it you didn’t choose to make any of these “choices”, the appointments you have to go to when there are a hundred different things you would rather be doing, and all your head hears is “breast cancer” “breast cancer” “breast cancer” and then you get to the end of the spin cycle of the washing machine and you get to the end and everyone around you shouts  “hurrah” “ring the bell” “you MUST be feeling so relieved” however I’m willing to bet not many (if any) have had breast cancer and really understand how you are feeling. 

I would whole heartedly endorse getting in touch with Maggie’s, you don’t need to wait or make an appointment or book onto anything, if there is a centre near you just turn up: you will be guaranteed a smile, a hug, a cup of tea, an ear, a box of tissues (it’s what I did) they will be able to provide you with whatever support you feel you need now and going forward 

AM xxx