Conditioned responses

i’ve got a thing on my hand which has turned out to be a skin cancer. it’s been there for ages, my GP treated it and it came back so i asked to be referred and got a biopsy. it’s very painful and in an awkward place, since it’s my right hand it’s quite difficult to use it, so i wanted it treated properly. i hadn’t really been that worried…but the word “biopsy” sent me spiralling off into absolute panic. i got myself into a place of fear that i just couldn’t get out of…at the same time i was called back after my check at the breast clinic, and just thought i was going to go crazy. in fact there was nothing wrong, they just wanted a better mammogram but the radiologist was happy so i’m back in a year. i’ve got an appointment to see the plastic surgeons next month so hopefully they can do something…and i’m trying to focus on the 90% complete cure rate. however i realise that i just have a very strong negative response to the waiting-for-results scenario…i had DCIS as well as a small Ca so i had a roller-coaster summer of going in and out of hospital having WLE’s trying to get clear margins. every time i went back it was bad news again…we had that hopes-up hopes-dashed thing five times and i ended up with a mastectomy anyway. so my expectation now is that pathology results will always be bad and the thing i most dread will be what actually happens. at first i was told all this good news…small cancer, no sign of spread, small op then rads and i’d be fine…the DCIS wasn’t found until i had my first op. so i’m just terrified that something similar will happen…they’ve even used the words “carcinoma-in-situ” again but since the same words last time meant an enormous and dangerous operation i’m having visions of losing my right hand with all that that would mean… of course if i hadn’t wanted the breast reconstructed it wouldn’t have been such a big op, nor did i have any idea how bad the pain would be or i might not have gone through with it…
…the other thing about breast cancer is that you can’t actually see it. the skin cancer *looks* nasty because it’s very difficult to keep it clean so i have to cover it and it gets all infected or bleeds…so it looks really sinister and “malignant” even though it isn’t really. i’m seeing the psychologist again to try and help me cope…and i’d really like not to be going to hospitals again or having tests for a good long while!

Hi, i had skin cancer when i was 19 ! it was the miss use of sunbeds that caused mine i am sure. At the time, my particular cancer, they told me i was the youngest person in the world to have this type as its normally 60 year olds and onwards.
I was terrified as it was on my face, i had visions of them having to cut and chisle half my face away.
They cut it out, had clear margins and no further treatment.
That was 30 years ago.
Its so different to BC, you will have it removed and hopefully thats the end of the matter. Try to keep it as something completely different to BC.
Good luck.

i’ve calmed down a bit now but i was really worried by how frightened i got. i think when i was going through BC treatment there wasn’t really time to feel anything because i was always either recovering from an op or about to have another one…so physically weak and to some extent still in denial…and i’m getting all the fear and distress i “should” have had then, now. i’ve also been quite upset by how slow the dermatologist was…i guess he wasn’t really taking it seriously because it isn’t, but i just thought “cancer” and my mind went crazy (although my GP thought he was being pretty offhand too…)…