Hi tweenie
I could have written your post myself, except I know the answer to the question near the end. I’ve got secondary bc and am on oral chemo which means taking 9 tablets twice a day for two weeks out of three. And this is indefinitely, so long as the treatment keeps working. I’m not afraid of the implications of the diagnosis, just thoroughly pissed off that I will never have another cancer-free day (on the week off, the chemo works overtime so it’s a bit of a con!). When my mind turns to darker things, I turn to YouTube where there are great videos by Progressive Hypnosis to help me focus on breathing, relaxing and sleep, which doesn’t come easily with cancer.
The diagnosis turns your life upside down. Chemo changes so much in your body that you barely recognise yourself and it’s easy to get lost in cancerworld. But treatment is time limited and then things begin to go back to (almost) how they were. You’re probably thinking about how lousy you feel, how unfair it all is, will you ever feel better again.
Well, yes you will, although presumably you’ll be moved swiftly onto radiotherapy. After that, it’s just a tablet a day and you don’t have to see yourself as defined by cancer any more, though you’ll always need to be vigilant for any further changes and you might get side effects from the hormone therapy. This just becomes part of life, not much different from someone being careful about their diet.
There is an excellent article about moving on (I’ll add the link below and you decide when it’s best to read it because it’s aimed at patients who have finished treatment. However, it answers your question) and Maggie’s Centres and Macmillan run Moving On/Forward courses, currently online (best done when you’re ready, after completing all treatment and having the all clear). Unfortunately it’s very hard to put breast cancer behind you but it doesn’t have to be a daily rumination and you don’t need to wear a badge declaring your lifelong allegiance, let alone a pink tee shirt! It’s all a matter of choice in a way.
So…it does happen. You can have long periods when you don’t think about cancer and that’s very healthy. It may hit you now and then because it has been traumatic for the body and the mind but you handle it like most other problems - talk it through with someone with a sympathetic ear. My triggers were always those blessed fund-raising ads on tv!
Never apologise for moaning. If you need to moan, that’s why the forums are here but were you actually moaning or voicing a very common concern and asking for other people to tell you their experiences? There’s a big difference. If you feel sh**, then say so. It hurts no one and does you a power of good to get it out of your system.
I wish you all the best for the rest of your treatment. It’s horrid but it’s worth it, believe me. You’ll soon find a new you.
Jan x. workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-what.pdf