It’s been almost a year since at 36 I was diagnosed with ER+ve, HER2+ve breast cancer. I’ve been through various treatments, which started with egg harvesting (I know not breast cancer treatment, but I hadn’t had children, so an important part for me). So far I’ve had chemotherapy with docetaxal, and then epirubucin over six months. I had phesgo injections, and then surgery, and radiotherapy. I am now back on the herceptin injections and am told this will be until mid next year, oh and have started the tamoxifen for the next five years.
I’m not really sure why I’m posting on here now. I certainly have used the wealth of information all you amazing people have posted throughout my journey so far, but for some reason have never quite been able to post.
I guess as you get to the point I’m at now, I’m looking to try and move forward. I mean during some of the above it was just survive each day……. And I think I’m finding the moving forward part tough. I’ve worked through most of treatment, and enjoy that, and returned to the gym between surgery and radiotherapy (I was really fit before) and am doing okay with that I think. But I’m struggling to think of a future and plan things. I’m struggling to see what life might be like moving forwards. I was in a relatively new relationship at the point of diagnosis, and that has become extremely strained. I don’t quite feel like the person I was anymore, I’m not the person I was, and I’m not sure what to do with that at this point. I just guess I wondered how others felt as they navigate such prolonged treatment plans?
Hello, I really feel for you. I was exactly the same age with exactly the same treatment. I too managed to get some eggs frozen the day before chemo. I just popped on to say, you will find your way. It takes a while, but a new normal emerges. I am now nearly 19 years since diagnosis. I am fit, healthy and enjoying life. Best wishes.
Just wanted to pop on and say you’re not alone in feeling how you do. I’m similar to you in that I was young when I was diagnosed. Honestly, I hit a huge wall when I finished active treatment and emotions wise actually found this the worst part! During treatment I was in survival mode and then felt like all the emotions came pouring out when it ended (at exactly the same time as everyone expected me to be “back to normal”). Im now two and a half years out from my diagnosis and 14 months on from finishing my Phesgo injections and am just starting to feel a bit better so give yourself time to process all you have been through- it’s a lot!!
Sorry you found yourself in this club, none of us want to be in it. But you are a survivor, you are doing the right things to get back physically but the mental head game is much more difficult to deal with. We probably all have post traumatic stress disorder and in your case you were diagnosed just as you were contemplating having children.
I was 47 when first diagnosed but I also felt I shoulld explore having a child. It turned out I was expected to tell them whether or not I would survive for the next 5 years. I had a rare form of cancer, but only grade 1 with no lymph node involvement. I decided I would like an egg donator and a sperm donator so it would get absolutely none of my genes, It wasn’t that easy - nobody in Tower Hamlets where I lived had ever had funding for fertility treatment before. So I could have been a pioneer!!
I later discovered a woman GP who was 66 or so who had a baby by donor egg by going abroad to Spain for the egg and Italy for the rest of the procedure of embedding it in her womb. I wasn’t rich enough to go any further.
Roll forward and I had the menopause at 54 and could have had children for quite a few years but did not pursue it. Then I got breast cancer again aged 66 grade 2 with a metastatic lymph node [full of cancer] . I do feel cheated of motherhood but I had very bad acne for years and I had already decided I didn’t want a child who would inherit this condition. Nowadays it’s curable by Roaccutane but it seems acne is associated with a higher risk of breast cancer , or at least may be.
So I am now facing a lonely old age with no children and grand children to see unless I make a special effort and see my nephew and his son who live in Germany but come to see my mum who is still alive and lives near me so I piggy back when they visit mum.
What I am trying to say in a long winded way is that our common factor is being women (mainly) and having breasts. Breast cancer is the most common form of cancer affecting women so I meet a lot of women who have had it and survived, and a smaller group of women who have had secondary breast cancer some of who have died. It’s a lottery but we all feel we’ve lost something. This time I have been doing a lot more exercise as in 2003 they had a different attitude to this, it was more about resting the arm on the affected side. I much prefer being active so in some ways my life is much better as I am on the go all day long. Mainly gardening, exercising the dog, doing cleaning and vacuuming, cooking, swimming, walking. I have a husband who has very bad depression and is not doing anything and looking at him I think breast cancer is a lot more tolerable than severe depression. But it would be nice to have nothing wrong and be a five year old again.
A well looked after one with a family with a good income and steady parenting. As I didn’t get this in my early childhood it’s just a dream…
Well I can’t profess to have much advice or knowledge about this as I’m also at a similar stage and finding my way forward. But blimey, reading that you have been through a lot!
I’m always one to look for support and Life after cancer is a charity which offers small group coaching sessions to help people move on after cancer treatment. I haven’t tried it yet, but might give it a whirl.
I went on a Moving forward course run by breast cancer now and found that quite helpful to meet some lovely ladies who live locally to me who I have been able to share experiences with who are also at a similar stage in their treatment plans.
Other than that, I kind of try to accept feeling up and down and like you, finding myself again after all this treatment (I had egg collection, chemo, surgery, radiotherapy in August and Phesgo jabs are ongoing). Some days I feel so happy and grateful, other days I feel quite lost and worry about the cancer coming back so it’s a bit of a mixed bag. I think for me just accepting that is normal has helped me, and I’ve taken my expectations down a notch, right now I’m enjoying binge watching some TV series.
