Coping with an irrepairable loss.

Hey there,

  I recently lost my mom about a month back & I am still coping to understand what made her Leave us inspite of all timely treatments which she got… I request you all & any in this group to Plz go through this & help me with an answer.

My Mom was a beautiful lady & was very active. She was an active trekker/Runner. Unfortunately in 2019, she found a lump in her Left breast. The Lump was Removed by a truecut Excision & on sending it for Investigation, it was found to be a cancerous lump. The test also suggested that it was DCIS(Ductal Carcinoma In Situ). Many tests were run to Find out if its Spread anywhere. After the PET-CT Results, the Doc(Onco Surgeon) was convinced that it has not Spread anywhere & offered total MRM or Partial MRM followed by RT/CT. My mother who got scared by the name “C”, opted for Total MRM.

Her MRM was successful & they even removed all the Nodes as well(Under arm).

>>The Nodes were sent for Biopsy, results were negative.

>>The Lump was tested for ER/PR & HER2 & it was found to be ER/PR +ve & HER2 Negative.

>>Also the Lump was sent for OncoDX test, which revealed that the chances of recurrence is <10%.

Hence no CT & no RT was recommended.

All of us were relieved & even the Doctor told it was in stage I Which has been removed. So no further Issues will be there. She was given Harmonal therapy of Femara & Shellcal which she had to take for some years. Also every 6 months once she had to take the bone Injections to ensure her bones wont go brittle. We Followed all of Docs Advise.

Later towards the end of 2020(Sept-Oct) when mom had to go through the Follow up PET-CT, they found a small Metabolically active Internal Mammary Node. We reported it to the Doc & got a FNAC which came out to be Positive. Post this, when we ourselves read the whole of the Initial PET-CT reports(2019), we found that there was a small IM node noted but this time it had increased in size. It was of the size of a Rice grain.

The Doc suggested Excission of the IM Node followed by RT. My poor mom had to go through another surgery followed by 15 days of RT(5 days a week) Post 1 month of the Excission surgery. She tolerated all the treatments well. Again the IMN went through the tests & was found to be–

>>The Nodes were sent for Biopsy, results were negative.

>>The Lump was tested for ER/PR & HER2 & it was found to be ER/PR +ve & HER2 Negative.

So again the Oncologists suggested Harmonal therapy of Aromasin & Shellcal-CT which she started taking.

After a month of the Radiation completion, my mom developed Fever & sinuous Infection for which she took some medicine suggested by GP & took some rest. After 4-5 days, it looked to be resolved. But Post another 5 days she started getting blood in urine, Pale stools & eventually she turned yellow. We got her admitted to hospital where they treated her with some Antibiotics, multi vitamins etc. They diagnosed her Jaundice coz of Hepatitis-A. Initially she was okay but after some 6-7 days of hospitalization she started sleeping extensively. The Gastro Specialist asked us not to give her Aromasin & stop it Immediately & we did so. Her BR levels hit a all time high of 37-40… Still the doctors in the Hospital were adamant that it will goto a peak, but it would come down… She had developed Ascites by that time. So we rushed her to a different hospital, where the Docs initially gave her PE & some more antibiotic, albumin, Multivitamin etc. In the course of 10 days of all this she was okay & Discharged. But after 5 days of Discharge her BR went up albumin dropped, HB dropped & again we rushed her to the hospital. There the Doc did Biopsy(Trans jugular biopsy) & MRCP & they diagnosed it as Fibrosis stage III. Again after 10 days she was stable & got discharged but post 3 days at home her HB dropped to 2.8. Docs told its Liver failure & transplantation is the only option but due to her cancer history even that is a challenge. We consulted a different Senior specialist & got her there after 6 days of hospitalization in the earlier hospital.

This other Doc went through all her Reports, said Liver is failed but they diagnosed Sepsis on top of it. But very unfortunately by the time they started treating Sepsis, she got Covid & was in ICU for 4 days & Left us. The reason of her Demise being Multi organ failure & Covid related complications. I am devastated right now. I feel so puzzled as to

>>Does this have any relation with the RT & her node removal surgery?

>> Had the same cancer metastasized to Liver too & Docs were not able to Find it?

>> Did we choose a Wrong hospital/Doc etc.

I just don’t wish to live anymore as i feel overwhelmed with all these questions & by the fact that My mom is no more with me. She was my bestest friend, Guide, Guardian Angel & What not!! We had a very special Mother-Daughter bonding beyond explanation & this loss has made me feel Life is no more worth Living.

If anyone can help me even a little for my above questions, it will help me a bit.

Plz. pray for my mom’s soul ;-(

My dear Lostgirl,

 I wish I could take your pain away, I’m so sorry I can’t help you, but would like you to know I’m thinking of you.

I lost my darling mother in terrible accident, many years ago and still don’t know what happened at the time. So my heart goes out to you, from my experience I would say you need to dig deep for the right answers, hopefully you have someone who can support you.

May god bless you and your lovely mom. With love and a big hug Tili xx

Please email me or text me… seems like you have done some serious digging and i hope you found the answers you needed. Maybe we can help each other. My mom was just diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer that basically slaughtered her liver. They did a biopsy of her liver & regrew the tissue in a lab. Well breast tissue was found. I wish I would have known certain symptoms she was having were more serious. I started catching onto her but seems it was too late. She has currently completed one route of chemotherapy consisting of Trastuzumab, Pertuzumab & carboplatin. I just look at her and I don’t see this getting better or improving her life. They told us if she didn’t start treatment immediately that she would only have weeks to live as she was extremely jaundice in her eyes and skin. I honestly hadn’t noticed the yellowing because I was working a lot at the time or i believe it can happen in no time. Basically I am scared for my momma and for myself and for my life afterwards. Im the oldest of five boys and she is my life. Ive spent my childhood and my entire adult life being her right hand from making bottles, changing my brothers diapers when I was younger. Today I help maintain the house, put in a white picket fence because she’s always wanted one and rebuilt the pool deck, flower beds, gardening, increasing property value, slowly over the years worked on the house so she would have retirement. My parents divorced 10 years ago and her job had no benefits, no vacation time nothing. My momma has never even seen the ocean… now she cant even work or stay out of bed long. My heart is breaking and she is the core. I dont know what to do… I need help. Someone help me. :broken_heart: I’m sorry. :broken_heart: