Coping with Breast Cancer Treatment AND a Young Family

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Hi, I was diagnosed with breast cancer in the summer and have recently started chemotherapy following two operations to remove the lump and lymph nodes. I have 2 daughters aged 3 and 1. I had to give up breast feeding the youngest sooner than I had planned and this has been the most painful part of the process so far.

So I’m wondering who else is going through this with young kids? I’d love to get some advice and support. My husband is being great and doing much of the care when he can. But that doesn’t change the fact that chemo is hard enough to go through without 2 little kids to look after too!

So how are others coping?

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Not got young children but just wanted to say that I have nothing but admiration for people dealing with all of this and having young kids to bring up too, because kids that age do NOT really understand that Mum needs leaving be.

I’ve looked after other peoples kids during treatment, because they bring me joy but it’s incredibly tough when the fatigue sets in and I wasn’t looking after them 24/7.

:((

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Hi
I have young family too and is hard. Mine are 18 months, 3, 12 and 14. Was diag 5 days post partum and been in treatment since youngest was born. Was diag with secondary
And total shock. Little one also had heart surgery so v tough time.
I’ve had to have help and have a nanny to help. Is not what I wanted but I’ve been on 3 lots chemo now in 18 months and so tired. I now take the kids out each day for bit of day and try to spend good time with them. Is cooking etc I hate as want to be with kids but still fill mum role as everyone expects a meal.
I’d say accept help friends offer whether cOoking or taking kids out as people want to help.
I hope tment goes well
Jo x

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I’m currently undergoing chemo, I was diagnosed when I was pregnant and had to be induced at 34 weeks. Mine are 12 weeks and 2. The last chemo session has been the hardest by far and it has really hit me. You have to accept help where it is offered. I have received a small amount of benefit money and it helps pay for a cleaner once a week. It’s just one less thing to think about.

I feel guilty and a terrible mother sometimes, my little boy gets to go to GP surgeries and hospitals, my 2 year old went swimming, tumble tots, rhyme time etc. At least he will be too young to remember and I will make it up to him one day.

Good luck with your treatment.

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Ladies, particularly anyone toying with the “G” word (guilt, I’m an expert), please know that so many mums on here are right behind you. I remember so clearly having a nearly 2-yr-old and a new baby, and bigger kids of 7 and 9, and feeling completely overwhelmed. And that was WITHOUT the crap that BC brings with all the overwhelming feelings that brings too.

Take every offer of help that is made (and if it’s a vague one, turn it into “I haven’t had a chance to clean the bathroom since diagnosis, would you mind?” or things like that. If they didn’t really mean it they won’t offer again but you will still have a clean bathroom, and if they DID mean it, you might get some help with the shopping next week.)

For those who have had to give up breastfeeding, look at the choice you’re making and feel GOOD about the choice you’ve come to: give littlie a bottle and the best chance you can give him/her of having a mum for the next 30 years, or let them take in some very nasty drugs when you’re trying to feed them, and feel both knackered and guilty while doing so. You haven’t been given the luxury of a choice here, so you’re doing the very best you can in a rubbish situation. Feel proud of what you’re doing.

Don’t feel bad if you can’t breastfeed, feel VERY good that you are doing the absolute best you can do. Breastfeeding can be physically tiring too, and you need all the strength you can find to look after yourself, which you’re doing for your babies. Chemo on top? I can’t imagine the exhaustion!n Cut yourself a bit of slack, you certainly deserve it.

Laiw, getting a cleaner in is a BRILLIANT idea! You should give yourself a pat on the back for using your money extremely sensibly - what’s worth more, having the energy to clean the house, or having the energy to spend time with the littlies. Well done, you.

(Mine are 13, 15, 22 and 24, and I remember VIVIDLY the exhaustion of dealing with small people.)

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Hello Hoshi,

Wow, you have a lot on your plate! I only have one four year old and returned to work (phased in ) last week. Have found the ‘juggling’ of work and his needs exhausting! Could manage one or the other but the combination is tricky and I only have one!

My OH works away quite a bit so I’m afraid when he’s home I’m pretty mercenary with him! My worry is staying chipper and not being too grumpy whilst my Tamoxifen is affecting my moods. I would hate to make my little boy unhappy so constant self doubt and guilt!

You look after yourself! That was my mantra. If I was happy (ish) and healthy (ish) then he would be by osmosis LOL.

Take care x

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Dear Ladies
I just wanted to join in this post as I am just about to start my chemo sessions and I have two young kids (8 months and 3 years). It is v v v scary what Im about to face and it is nice just to know that there is someone out there going through the same thing.
I will get through it and I am lucky enough to have a lot of help from my mum and dad but it doesnt stop the overwelming feelings that Im not going to be able to cope with it all!!
Hinchy x x

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Hi everyone,
i was diagnosed in March 2010 at age 36, with two little boys aged 4&2. You just sort of get your head down and plough through it, and remember that this is not your fault and you are doing the best you possibly can for yoyr children by putting yourself through the treatment. The good side of your family being young is that little children seem to take it in their stride, accept it as it is but then move on and forget it all pretty quickly. Mine barely remember now and its me who throws in reminders about when mummy was poorly as, inevitably, one day they will put two and two together and click what cancer is, and i want them to know its an open subject that we can discuss.

Practically, accept help. My mum and sisters were fantastic. I had chemo on the thursday and made aure the boys were out on sleepovers that first weekend. I was functioning as a mum by tuesday time though still felt wonky, and progressively got better and had a great week 3. Save your energy and well time for special things and family time, and make arrangements to help you do the important stuff like sports days, nativities etc. Tell school/ play school so they can help. Be organised in your good week to prepare for the following week eg. Have the nappies/food/loo roll etc in already. Lots of easy food like beans, soup, cereal. Theres time later to worry about everyones proper diet, just get easy food down them during the hard times. A cleaner is fantastic if you can afford it, it stops you feeling guilty that your mum/husband etc is doing too much. And its less depressing to sit in a sparkly room.

Write your symptoms on a calendar so you can spot a pattern. I had a smily/sad face system as well as physical symptoms recorded as found plotting my hormonal mood swings made it easier to plan our lives. And do a countdown. Chemo 1? First one done already. Chemo 2? One third way there. Chemo 3? Half way there, or more really cos chemo 6 doesnt count as a full one… Chemo 4, two thirds way there. Chemo 5, virtually over as chemo 6 only counts as half. Chemo 6, only half as every day is a day to be properly getting better.

Best wishes ladies. It does pass and you do get through it and you need to stand up and be proud of yourselves because you are walking the walk and showing exactly what a mother fighting for her children is capable of. Those other happy mums at school? Pale into insignificance when you set your strength and sacrifice against theirs. Stand tall and be proud of yourselves.

Vickie
xxx

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Hi Hinchy and welcome to the BCC forums

In addition to the valuable support here please feel free to call our helpliners where you can talk your fears/concerns over with one of our team, the lines are open 9-5 weekdays and Sat 9-2 on 0808 800 6000.

I am posting a link to the thread called ‘Top tips for chemo’ which has been running for a while now and it contains loads of great advice from your fellow users:

share.breastcancercare.org.uk/forum/top-tips-to-help-get-you-through-chemotherapy-p611003.html#p611003

Take care
Lucy

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tors . fab.

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Hi ladies, this sounds awful given the circumstances but so pleased to be in contact with people in a similar situaration as me. I’m 32 with a 6 month old daughter and starting chemo on Tuesday. Just wondered if you had any tips and advice for dealing with cancer treatment and having a little one? I had a mastectomy nearly five weeks ago with lymp nodes removal.

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Hello there
My children were 5 and 18 mths at the time of diagnosis (they are 7 and nearly 4 now). I remember thinking to myself, how will i cope??
I nearly did not have chemo as i did not want the treatment to interfere with my job as a mum.
But, somehow, and i don’t really now how to be honest, myself and my OH managed. He did most of the school runs and i kept up with the cooking and cleaning. My parents, who live over 180 miles away helped out as and when they could.
It was tough, but life went on and we got through it…

You will find a way, take offers of help, swallow your pride, there is light at the end of tunnel for sure.

Naz x

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Have only just found a way to find this post again and I’m so glad I did! Thank you all so much for sharing your stories. It’s heartbreaking that we’re all going through it but hopefully we can find some support in each other.

I’ve had 3 chemo cycles now so half way through which is good but NOT nearly as good as being at the end. I’m finding them very tough even with a good support network. I CAN NOT wait for them to be over and life to move on in some fashion.

Good luck to us all and lots of love x

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Hi ladies I am now on with my chemo (2 down!!). I just wondered how you are managing to avoid the dreaded bugs. I have got a virus at the moment - runny nose and cough. Im on the antibiotics but it is very worrying how easy it is to pick things up - probably due to having to young children in the house. Also has any one got any tips on managing these bugs when they do come as I dont want to take paracetamol as Im affraid it will ‘mask’ any high temp I may have.
Hope you are all bug free!!!
Love Sam xx

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Hello Ladies,
You all seem to be doing so well!
I was diagnosed 6th dec, snb and wle on 28th and about to have an ANC on weds. Then after that chemo 6 x fec and 15x rads.
I have two young children my son 7 and daughter 3. How do you cope? I used to be the full time worker and my OH was the house husband or domestic technican as I like to call him. Anyway I’ve been off work since dx trying to deal with it all and stay positive with the kids. My son has only just started sleeping again as he kept waking up in the night and I’m going for another op and I haven’t even started chemo yet so god knows what he will be like. I’ve got work giving me greif, they’ll only pay 4 mths sick so that finishes in march so I need to figure out how we are going to survive or agree to work from home! I don’t know if I can do 35 hrs a week.
Everyone says don’t worry about it and the kids but I do constantly! Like this week arranging things for school and nursery pick ups and its hard to let go and let others sort them out. Sorry I’m waffling now! I’m sure I’ll be ok in the long run its the journey I’ve to go on first!
Thanks for listening!
Love Fran xx

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Hi Fran

Yes I do think about it all the time and I worry for my children. However they do keep me going - just the pattern of preschool pick ups and drop gives a bit of structure to the day.
The chemo isnt much fun but it is nice to be getting on with my treatment as everyone takes me closer to the end of it!!!
Chin up and lots of big hugs

S xx

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Hi Fran, tbh you just get on with it and somehow manage. I don’t know what to suggest re money, are you entitled to any benefits? It may be worth contacting the helpline who may be able to point you in the right direction. I went to macmillan who found one benefit, it’s not much but it does help.

It is hard to let go but if others have offered to help take them up, now is the time you need your family and friends around you. I don’t know what I would have done without all the offers it really does make life a lot easier.

Good luck with the rest of your treatment.

x

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Hiya, glad i found this thread as i too have young children.
DX oct, MX Nov 10th and due to start chemo wed, pre assessment today and info overload!!

I have 2 daughters, 10 and 8 and one full on two yr old son! (he’s trashing the joint as i type!)

Majorly worried about bugs as youngest starts a nursery for 2 days a week to give me a break! We are lucky as we live over 2 miles to our nearest welsh school so we get free bus transport and they are brilliant and will pick up and drop off at door.

My mum is fantastic and does all my beds and ironing but hate having to rely on her so will do if i can…

hoping i am strong enough!!

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Hi Ladies

We are just doing the very best that we can for our familys by having this treatment. All we can do is get our heads down and plough through this! I get lots of help from my family and my husband so Im very fortunate there. Try to take the strength that our children give us and use that to be brave.
Lots of love ladies come on we can do this
S x x x x

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Hi thanks for the replies.
Tankgirl I feel the same as you. My youngest has just started nursery and I have caught a cold from her that’s what happens when they start something new. I’m being strong for them and not even thinking too deeply about it all just hope that they get rid of everything and it doesn’t come back!
That’s the way I deal with it otherwise I’d probably get really emotional. I was when I first found out but really positive around the children.
Anyway keep in touch and let us know how your doing!
Love fran xx