Hi
I’ve just finished my treatment for primary breast cancer after 15 months hard slog. 10 lots of chemo, 4 operations and 4 weeks of rads.
During my treatment my dad went into a care home with dementia. He is currently in hospital after a few falls and we are now looking for a nursing home for him. Two months ago my mum fell and broke her hip and her wrist and she is still in hospital due to that.
Throughout my treatment I worked and generally carried on for the most part as if nothing had changed. I am a single parent with a teenage boy.
Although I have a big network of friends I haven’t spoken to anyone about how I’m really feeling. Its all been about putting on a “brave” front and coping with whatever life has thrown at me. But I’ve got to the point now where I would like to speak to someone about things and get it all out of my system. I’ve never had counselling for anything and I don’t know where to start. Do you just call up and say you want to talk or what? I don’t know whether to call Macmillan or the BCC helpline or just call my BCN and ask her.
Any advice please?
Debs
x
Hi Debs
A good idea with everything that you’ve had to deal with!
I would start with your BCN. If the hosp don’t offer it, she will know of local support centres/groups where you can get counselling - most of the time it’s free.
If you live a long way from your nearest centre, you can also try your GP for a referral.
Also, do call the BCC helpline - they have a network of people who offer support.
Good luck! Sending hugs
Dx
Oh Buzzy, what a difficult time you’re having. Counselling is excellent and talking to someone you don’t know means that you can ‘get it all out’ without worrying about upsetting anyone.
Where I live we have a cancer clinic where you can ‘self refer’ I phoned them and went for an assessment and then had counselling which helped me a lot.
Macmillan, BCN or GP they will all help. I haven’t used the BCC helpline but loads of people on here have and say how good it is.
Don’t delay
J xx
I received counselling from a local cancer charity that I was referred to through the hospital when I was having chemo. My mother had died of an unknown cancer just three weeks before I was diagnosed so we were having a pretty difficult time. I’m not sure that I got any benefit from ‘counselling’ as such - but what was definitely a benefit was having an hour a week that was mine, my own space, to say whatever I felt, without fear of being judged, or upsetting family members.
yes I think that is just what I need! Either that or I should book into a spa for the weekend!
The counselling will be cheaper - but you won’t be able to get your nails done!
My oncologist got me referred to the psychologist who works with the breast clinic and I found it really helped. I’d lost my dad to dementia almost exactly a year to the day I was diagnosed. After all the trauma I’d just got myself back on track and had started a business then the rug was pulled out from under us with this. I went for counselling not long after I finished Herceptin as I was having nightmares and panic attacks. In my case it really helped as a lot of stuff to do with me and my sister, also my relationship with my late mum, all surfaced when I was going through the worst of all this. The psychologist just listened, then she gave me little things to work on between appointments. At the time it did help my fragile confidence, plus the nightmares and the panic stopped. I do still get the odd bad dream or attack of fear, but I can now handle it.
I also learned meditation and how to manage stress through a 6 week course at the local Maggies. If you have a Maggies or a cancer centre near you, you could try to find out if there are any Look Good, Feel Better sessions you could be booked on. It’s a fun thing to do and gives you as much a boost as a spa day, plus it’s free and you get a fantastic goody bag to take away.
hi buzzy. i know how you are feeling. my mum passed away 3 years ago age 65. a few months later a was dx with bc age 40. when i finished treatment 2 years ago my father in law was dx with dementia, i am now a full time carer for him. then a few months ago my husband was dx with skin cancer. sometimes life suck. but you will get over the bumpy road. stay strong. all the best with whatever comes your way x gaynor
hi buzzy i got a councellor through my bcn, it does help to offload with a stranger x
Hi Buzzy,
It would be worth asking your BCN or GP if there’s a local hospice or charity that offers counselling or any courses. Like you I put on a brave face throughout my 18 months of treatment,working and trying not to burden my family. My GP referred me to the local hospice (Grove House St Albans) who recommended me for their “Cancer-the next step” programme. I’ve done 4 weeks so far, and have found it really helpful to meet other women who understand how I feel. I’m not someone who does counselling ordinarily and didn’t think I needed it, but in the first group session I was surprised that I became quite tearful when talking about my experiences. I would highly recommend a course like this to anyone, I feel I’m getting all the pent up feelings out by discussing them and can move on with my life.
Good luck.