I was diagnosed with breast cancer in November, had lumpectomy surgery on the 23rd of December and have just been back to hospital for my results. It hasn’t spread to my lymph nodes thankfully but they found precancerous cells and I have to go back for more surgery in February.
After the initial diagnosis and utter shock, I did seem to ‘cope’ ok with it all but after my results on Tuesday this week, I’m a mess.
I feel utterly distraught and can’t stop crying 
Hi Sash
So sorry to hear about your diagnosis and about the further surgery needed. Don’t worry about the tears, good to let it all out and you’ve had a lot to take in. Do give the helpline on this site a call. It does help to chat to those who understand what you’re going through plus there’s lotsofhugs lovely ladies posting on here who will hold your hand in a virtual sense!
Hugs
Twinky x
Hi Sash,
Sorry to hear you are feeling so low.
I think we all go through the same. I had diagnosis 15 Dec and WLE/ANC 20th December and was fine through diagnosis until after op, then had sudden bursts of crying (and still do except they are getting further apart.
I’m sure it is the shock of finding out you need more surgery now. This desease does seem to throw one thing at us after another which gets very demoralising, just when you think you know what is happening there is something new to deal with.
In some ways of course it is healthy to have a good cry, then try and taken one day at a time and I am sure you will get through this.
Do you have anyone you can talk to there? or maybe your BCN or the helpline here?
I expect others will be along soon to offer support as well,
Lynda
Hello Sash
Welcome to the forums. I’m sorry to hear of your diagnosis, the first few weeks are always difficult when coming to terms with things and getting to grips with your treatment plans, etc.
As well as the support you will receive on the forums you might find it helpful to order the BCC resources pack. It has been specifically designed for those newly diagnosed and contains information to help you understand your diagnosis, test results and the various treatments available. If you would like to order a copy just follow the link bellow:-
www2.breastcancercare.org.uk/pub … cer-bcc145
Also, do give the free helpline a ring, they are there to offer support and information. The number is 0808 800 6000 and lines are open 9-5 Monday to Friday and 9-2 Saturday.
best wishes
June, moderator
I have an amazing husband but he doesn’t know what/how to help me. And I dont want to see ANYONE because it all just seems so unfair that I have this VILE disease and all people tell me is to ‘be positive’ when THEY haven’t got the disease and are living their normal lives.
Sash : i know its absolutely no consolation but i think all of us have done the crying …how about the swearing and throwing things?
I have completely wasted a good bottle of shower gel which i bought back from england and cant get here in france by throwing it at the shower wall and shattering the fairly solid plastic.
I know we are meant to stay positive and its probably best not to give our loved ones a hard time but i have to shout at someone so i come here to swear and SHOUT!
Cry and tell us about it…solidarity is strength (god knows where i got that thought from - misplaced youth i think)
Mary M
I’m not the most optimistic person at the best of times…and this feels like the WORST of times but my husband IS the most optimistic person ever, so it feels like he’s just ‘sticking his head in the sand’ when he tells me that ‘we’ll get through this’ because all you ever hear about is ‘so and so’s BATTLE with cancer’ and it’s just sunk in that this is what it’s going to be
Hi sash. That’s completely normal and we know just what you’re going through. sounds like you’re one of the 20% who don’t get clear margins so need a further op. I had that too, a year earlier than you. Not much I can say other than I’ve managed to get through the last year and I’m still here. It wasn’t fun and it wasn’t easy, but right at the beginning when you’re still reeling from the diagnosis it feels absolutely horrible.
Use the forums as much as you find helpful. You’ll find others who understand.
CM
x
Good morning Sash
I know what you are feeling only to well. I had a renal transplant 16 years ago (all doing fine ever since I am glad to report) but when I got diagnoses with IDC I just could not believe it. The question WHY ME is going round and round in my head a lot and I have done some crying over it during the last few weeks. Treatment will have to be very carefully considered due to the medication I have to take for the transplant. After my mx I have to say I am feeling a bit more in control now and have come to the point where I am fighting this horrid curse every minute, so the tears are less and less. Keep strong and you will get all the support and love you need from this amazing site.
Love from Alanaa xx
Thanks Chocciemuffin…so it’s not just me that the lumpectomy didn’t go to plan for then ? If they had told me that there was a chance that that could happen, I think I would have PERHAPS been a little more prepared ? As it was, I was just told that following the lumpectomy, as long as it hadn’t spread to the lymph nodes, it would be 3 weeks of radiotherapy, so I wasn’t expecting that news at all.
They took the lump and a seemingly large ‘healthy margin’ and have reduced the other breast accordingly ( I have had a ‘lift’ done too so I feel and look like I have been attacked by a shark ) but said that they found some precancerous cells on the edge of the ‘healthy margin’ and want to just do a ‘scrape’ to hopefully get rid of those.
But being the pessimist I am, I asked my cancer nurse what would happen if they STILL find precancerous cells in the next removal and she said I would have to have a mastectomy…and I can’t begin to comprehend that
It all just seems like one HUGE overwhelming nightmare
I had the re-excision done too after my first one. Probobly no concellation, but it was much quicker, much easier and less into the unknown. Recovery was just a matter of days.
I think it’s such a tragedy that your team didn’t warn you about the liklihood of non-clear margins before your original surgery…
I had two ops before I had to have a mx because my margins were not clear.
I too have quite a pessimistic outlook but for once it helped me cope with the bad news three times! It is a horrid time to plough through these ups and downs and I needed so much inner strength which I couldn’t find…
Now I am almost two years on and I’m so more content and at peace.
This journey does make one realise that you can cope with so much c**p, more than you ever realise. However, I do remember wanting to throttle all those ‘stupid’ people who told me to be positive…
Did they really know the outcome???
No, of course they didn’t. Just keep away from them once you recognise their tack… You need to keep sane!
But you said your OH was an optimist. Oh dear, now that does sound a tricky one…
I’m sure others will come on and commiserate with you and perhaps help you cope with this one!!!
Good luck all the way.
I’ll be watching out for you.
Take a good read of th “Annoying things people say” thread. you’ll be gobsmacked at some of the stupid things we’ve been told.
Thankyou Welshgirl 
I’ve just spent the whole day crying AGAIN…it just feels like I’m in a huge black hole with no way out…hubby keeps telling me to concentrate on the next hurdle but all I can think about is ‘what if’ and all the negative aspects of this whole ugly mess
Hi Sash,
It is tough, but you can get through this.
Deep breath, one day at a time, and remember we are all with you and sending you support.
Really hard to do I know (and I’m not a saint, don’t always manage it myself), but hubby is right (you don’t have to tell him though!). It will start to feel better I promise.
Lynda
Sod the next hurdle, just getting through today until bedtime can be a monumental achievement. Baby steps, sash, baby steps.
But it WILL feel better once the inside of your head gets used to the idea. The human mind is amazing, and you’ve got your very own.
And if you blb, don’t feel bad for doing so.
Hi Sash,
I’m so sorry about what’s happening to you - I had a similar history also with little idea (no, it’s nothing, but we’ll just check, oh actually we’ll just do this needle biopsy in case, oh dear it is something, but it’s only minor and we’ll just ‘whip it out’, oh actually it was much bigger than we thought, etc).
I know how you feel, and all I can say is that you will cope with whatever you find out. For some reason it’s much easier once you know what you’re dealing with and you have a plan. I came through, and although I had a mx in the end (march last year) and I felt as dreadful as you do about it initially, I’m ok now. And I have no more cancer which is the best thing ever. It’s not always easy, but as some of the other wise women on here have said, be kind to yourself and accept that you’re allowed to be very pissed off and very upset.
Lots of love, thinking of you xx
Hi Sash I am another who didn’t get clear margins first time. I hit the jackpot though because I had it in both breasts. Bilateral mx was the result. I was angry and very upset the day I got my results and rather down for quite a while. However what I did hang on to and appreciate eventually was the fact that, like you, my nodes were clear.
That was all in November 2010 and I feel fine now. This horrible period will pass and you will get there in your own time.
Best of luck.
Hi Sash
I too had a WLE and they didn’t get clear margins. I made the very difficult decision to have a mastectomy, and it turned out it was the right one as mine had spread a little further. I think the decision was the hardest time for me. I won’t deny I have found it hard to look at my scar etc… but I take comfort from the fact that the cancer has gone and that overrides the sadness I have about losing my breast.
We have all cried so much, so go easy on yourself and just take one bit at a time. You will get through it, and while it seems so grim now, it will improve. My initial diagnosis was mid december, and I am honestly beginnning to get there. Keep talking to people like your BCN and on this forum, as it truly does help.
Lots of love
M x
Hi sash
After I first had cancer I had to get a re-excision and I remember recently reading a post I had made at the time about feeling like a fraud for crying when I needed a lumpectomy and rads and not a mastectomy or Chemo like many other people had to endure… But I was still cancer.
I worried about the re excision but my surgeon was very pro breast observing surgery and said he would happily have gone in 3 or 4 times to prevent giving an unnecessary mx… He had re-excised somebody 5 times.
You are allowed to cry or get mad or shout or anything else cos it isn’t fair and people who are not in that situation dont understand… But with time it does get easier… If you have a good relationship with your GP you could try talking to them as maybe they can recommend a counsellor or a course of antidepressants while you are undergoing treatment.
I get annoyed with folk telling me how I will feel… Like my dad saying yay only one more Chemo to go and I said yeah but two lot of side effects having just had the second last lot and he said oh but the next one won’t be so bad cos you will be feeling great because it’s finished… Having had bc 3 times now I know I’ll be feeling completely crap… But I know it was said with the best of intentions but it’s still annoying… I think what he meant was he will be feeling great after the last one knowing I don’t need to go through it again.
Love and hugs xxx