Hi
Am going for my CT Scan results in just over half an hour. Am terrified.
On my last scan in October it showed a further possible secondary spread to my chest that they were concerned about. Have had to wait three months to have a follow up scan (was done last week) which will confirm this… or not!
I am a complete wreck at the moment inside -despite looking all calm and collected. Hubby knows something is up as he’s made a few comments about how quiet I am
There doesn’t seem to be anyone I can tell how scared I am. Everyone says how well i look and how well I am coping. But I am falling apart inside. If i tell hubby it scares him even more than he is.
Please wish me luck and send me lots of positive vibes at 12.30.
Jools, I will send as many positive vibes as I can muster and really hope the results are clear for you. I think (from my very limited and short-term experience so far) that the waiting for results is far worse than actually having them, the anticipation is horrendous.
But will be thinking of you at 12.30, the very best of luck.
I can totally relate to falling apart on the inside, and not wanting to scare hubby I could of written that myself! Scanxiety is the worst feeling in the world.
Fingers toes and eyes crossed for you at 12.30, let us know how you get on
Hi everyone thanks for your messages of support
Don’t know whether to be happy or sad. Just got back from the hospital
Scan shows still possible spread to chest and there is definately something there. The positive thing is that it is growing very slowly -only 1mm in three month so from 5mm to 6mm wide. Oncologist is very upbeat and positive and is going to monitor me every three months. She says she will not be worried until it gets bigger than 1cm which will then indicate an aggressive tumour.
So I am happy that I don’t have to have any treatment for the time being but still feel like i am in limbo. I don’t feel that I can move on but maybe it just that I am feeling a little low. OH is over the moon and is so happy so why can’t I be happy too?
Jools
isn’t it strange what we now have to count as good news…a tumour smaller than it could have been, a short break from treatment.
But of course the ‘good’ news is always in the contest of the same old bad news that we’ve got cancer.
So not surprsing that you feel like you are in limbo…no bit of this experience is easy. But hoping that you feel better than you did when you started this thread…that waiting for results is the pits.
You poor thing, being stuck in limbo like this. Yeah it is good news that it is not spreading rapidly, but not good for you that still inconclusive as such and having to wait another 3 months to see if it has grown again. But least you have no treatment to go through as such yet. Not sure wot to say really, but thinking bout you and hope you can get your head around it and enjoy your life as best you can while waiting another three months.
Oh Jools - not having a good tinme are you, Sorry that they could not come up with a firm diagnosis foryou and 3 months is a long time to wait but at least no more chemo for now.
As Dawn says hope you can get your head round it and enjoy the next few months - it will be coming up for spring time then and something to look forward to.
Please post whe you feel low etc it does really help.
Love Kate
Feel that is a totally failure of a reply.
unfortunately some OH’s like to stick their heads right in the sand when it comes to cancer news. I know mine did at the beginning (first two years) less so now. Lots of this ‘cancer time’ is spent waiting for results, developments, treatment to begin or treatment to end, and sometimes you may have great periods of NED, and even then you are waiting for it to come back! My attitude is simple - this disease is going to take years away from me anyway, I try not to let it ruin one more day more, So largely I just try not to think about it - easier said than done, but I’m damned if it’s going to dictate my ‘good times’.
No surprise you feel like you are in limbo - you are. Nothing you can do about it, so try and just eradicate it from your mind, but if you need a good cry, have one!.
Hi Jools
I know what you mean and I also find it hard when someone gets very upbeat about something when you don’t feel the same way - my sister and a couple of friendsare an expert at this and actually it makes me angry - don’t dnow if they are trying just to be positive and make me the same but sometimes i feel it negates my feelings ansd worries and makes me withdraw into my own mind - it makes me lonely…just hought I’d let you know how it affects me …but might not do the same to me .I agree waiting and wondering is very tough…jaynex
Wise post! I too know exactly the feeling when others get excited on my behalf when don’t feel excited. Sometimes its not whoops of joy…its just ongoing worry…and yes the loneliness.
Hope Jools you find Jayne’s words as refreshing as I do…
Hi Jane
thanks for your response - its comforting to hear that I’m not alone with these thoughts ( on occassion rage!) and the lonliness…actually i find your take on things very refreshing, Jane …and have read and tapped into your knowledge - so thanks for that too, jaynex