dear Corinne
I was diagnosed at 45 and am still fine over 6 years later - there are many long term survivors on the forum. Fear makes everything seem much worse, I promise that after you get a treatment plan sorted and take the first steps along this road you will begin to feel calmer. Very likely your pains and sickness are due to to the panic, I know I felt all sorts of awful things when I first started. Personally I found it helped to write them all down in a long list.
keep posting, everyone here knows how you feel
Sarah
…sorry, forgot to say I had lymph nodes infected too, plus other things like ‘vascular invasion’ and an aggressive form of cancer…but still here and very well!
Sarah
Hi Sarah,
I also have lymph node involvement, and l LOVE to hear positive news, and yours is, so Thank You
Sandra xxx
HI,
Thank you all so much for your posts.
They are reducing the ‘panic mode’ i am in at the moment. and thank you for the advise re going back to the doctors… I have told my dad the situation as well and he is marching me back there on monday and demanding help - wudnt like to be in the docs shoes!!!
It is gud to here of other ladies who have lymph node involvement that are still with us and i can tell have a gud quality of life!
Heres hoping i will one of you…
Thanks again for all your help.
Corinne
Hi corinne
i have to tell you that you WILL get through this first awful stage after diagnosis.I felt really similar to you back March when i was diagnosed. I am 36 years old and have a 2 and 5 year old. I realise now that i was in total shock at first and i cannot really remember much of those first few weeks. I totally stopped eating as i just couldn’t physically eat, and i suffered from panic attacks. I was totally reeling and was convinced i would die. In fact i was convinced for a day or two that the breast lump was in fact the cancer which had spread from somewhere else they hadn’t found yet ( my bcn explained at length that this is hugely hugely hugely rare but it took ages for this to filter through to my brain). I also suffered from a few panic attacks where i couldn’t breathe.
I saw my gp and asked whether i should go on anti depressants but said i was worried to go down that route at this stage. She said lots of women in my position benefit from them, but also your mind has to deal with the infromation, so why dont we leave it for a week or so and see how things are? She told me i had been diagnosed with canvcer and this was a totally normal reaction to having been hitten by such a big truck suddenly. I am glad she spent time talking it through with me because after the first 2 weeks, my mind gently adjusted and i could deal with it more rationally, though i am not saying it is easy! But instead of wanting the top half of my body chopped off, i came to accept the recommendations for a lumpectomy.
The eating gently came back over the first few weeks, though i have lost quite a bit and amnow on chemo and struggling to eat again. But i did eat stuff like bananas, jelly sweets etc, and a family friend made me some lovely plain fairy buns and they really did help tempt back my appetite. I went back really to food i had enjoyed as a child, and that comforted me.
I am now halfway through chemo and have to admit it has been hard, and my hormones have been knocked for six by the treatment, but it is nothing like that first terror of diagnosis and waiting for results. You WILL get there because you have 2 little children depending on you. Yours are similar ages to mine and that actually helps as they just seem to accept so much as part of their normal.
I have bumped up the thread i started when i was first diagnosed which may help you as it shows exactly how i felt and how things move forwards as your mind starts to process the shock.
Good luck, all my very best wishes to you and your family
Vickie
Vickie you have such a lovely way with words. Corinne glad that your Dad is going with you to see GP. I wished my GP was like yours Vickie. I saw mine for the 1st time since dx around the time of my 6th chemo when it was clear to my BCN that I was becoming depressed. Walked out with no meds and the assertion from my GP that she would want a bilateral mx if diagnosed and no messing with a WLE on the affected side only)))Oh yeh?So hope your pa can be assertive for you at this awful time. As others have said once you have a treatment plan in place you know that something positive is happening.Hope ypu are able to eat a little better and that you have a more restful night, not easy I know Hugs Jackie
Hi everyone,
Thanks vickie for bouncing up your original post.
it was really helpful for me to read through all the posts…
I too can feel a large lump in my breast at least 7 cm across. The doc when she first saw me after the biopsy said she would be looking at chemo to shrink it first then mx… This in it self scared me to death, so it was nice to read that lizcat had gone thru the same proceedure and i am not on my own in this…
I have trouble in understanding some of the abbreviations tho. such as WLE?
Vickie - i am also worried about the fact that i think the lump in my breast is secondary and i have another somewhere else!
since reading your posts i have managed to eat two rounds of toast… so you have obviously calmed me down a lot!!!
Thanks,
Corinne
Corinne,
Well done on the toast eating!!
There are quite a lot of us who had chemo first to shrink the tumour, altho not all have tumours as large as ours. My mum had treatment in the same order 8 yrs ago and she’s ok too. Her experience helped me as I’d seen someone first-hand go through it. The chemo shrunk my tumour (actually turned out to be 2 when it shrank) by over half and others have had better responses so it’s fine to have it in that order.
I’m glad you’re going back to the doctors too. I actually didn’t need anti-depressants as a sort of calm came over me but if they can’t give you something to help with sleep and all the added stress that brings etc at a time like this, then when can they ???
Good luck this week,
Liz
Hi Corinne,
Here is a link to a thread on useful words and terms, which I hope will help make sense of some of the abbreviations used on the Discussion Forums:
breastcancercare.org.uk/forum/list-of-useful-words-and-terms-t24991.html
WLE is the abbreviation for Wide Local Excision, the name given to the operation to remove a breast cancer with a small amount of surrounding healthy tissue. Sometimes called breast conserving surgery, or lumpectomy.
Hope that helps.
Best wishes,
Kate, BCC Facilitator
well done on the toast! Glad my ramblings helped, its shit going through this, theres no two ways about it, but there are a lot of us going through this shit and it helps not to be alone.
WLE means wide local excision which is another word for lumpectomy, or breast conserving surgery ie. they take the lump out.
Chemo is horrid but it is doable. And each hard day that passes is another shit day done, but you really appreciate the good times.
Take care, pm me if you need to anytime
Vickie
darn those pesky breast care nurses who post at the same time only quicker…!
Thanks guys
i will have to read that link to get used to these abbreviations, got a feeling i will be using them a lot in the future!!
This is a strange question - but i have a really stange smell in my nose when its blocked and when the cartagh (?spelling) goes into my mouth it tastes horrid.
Has anyone heard of this?
Worrying me!
Corinne
Corrinne,
well done on eating toast…keep it up…you have to look after yourself now like no other time.
Glad you are feeling a tiny bit better and like Vickie, I am here if needed (personal messages accepted if you don’t want to bare all on the forum)
Hugs
Suze xxx
p.s. just saw your post…we posted at th same time!
Not sure about the catarrh(sp) being connected (maybe connected the shock you are experiencing), make sure you mention it to doc on monday, write a list if you need so you remember everything when with the doc (lots of us do that).
Re the abbreviations my first post was one of confusion as everyone spoke in a language I did not know…now I know what many of the terms are and you will learn them too, I had to print a list off at first so I understood what people were going on about!!!
Have a good evening
Suze xx
not sure about the catargh, i haven’t heard anything remotely similar thats been discussed as connected to the breast cancer ( later on with chemo you get a yukky mouth but thats the treatment, not the illness). Id be inclined to agree with suze and think its more to do with your lack of eating, stress and possibly breathing differently due to the stress eg through your mouth more maybe? I do know that my body had a huge physical reaction to the emtional shock of diagnosis so it wouldn’t surprise me at all if this was just another of those knock on effects. mention it to your doc though.
ps if your gp does presribe you anything at all, dont forget to get a form off him/her for free prescriptions as you are entitled to them now and i have had umpteen prescriptions lately for things ranging from cold sores to anti sickness tables and it would have cost a fortune.
xxx
Thanks guys
This smell i have, which is intermittent, has been there for the last three weeks or so… I did go to the docs at the time, but he just prescribed antibiotics… but i still there…
I worried it is the cancer gone to my lungs…
The nights are the worst for me, make me think of all sorts of things…
Corinne
i haven’t heard of similar myself, and it doesn’t sound very likely, but i know you will be thinking every possible thing you are aware of in your body is cancer related. We all do when first diagnosed, and i still do now a few months on, but ladies seem to get a sense of confidence back in their own bodies over time. But it doesnt make it any easier now.
I have been trying to recall things that helped me get through that stage.
My sister gave me a breathing exercise i used a lot at night, breathe in for count of 4 then breathe out for count of 5 and keep repeating until you calm down. If somebody rubbed my shoulders/head/hands/feet etc that soothed me too, especially with relaxing oils, but i had to have telly etc on to distract my mind, silence was no good for me, too easy to think bad stuff.
I also had lavender relaxing type sprays for my pillow, and a friend made me up a bachs rescue remedy. It helped, though am still not convinced that it was what was in the remedy itself that helped, but the action of having something to do when the panic and fear gripped me did help- find the bottle in my bag, get it out, shake, fill the dropper, drop the drops on my tongue, put the top back on, put it away. This all helped calm me down.
I had a paper bag with me in case of panicky breathing. I had loads of magazines on the go as i could not focus on books but having them managed to distract me if only briefly.
I also went with the flow and cried a lot, i had to get it out .
You will feel better i promise.
xxxx
Hi Corinne good that you have managed some toast.It is not unuasual to have chemo first, I too had it prior to surgery. Whilst my lump was not especially big it was in 2 quadrants so the Onc and the surgeon decided this was the best option for me. Everyone’s treatment plan is tailored to them and the results of scans/ biopsies are taken into consideration. As mentioned before write down your questions and take someone with you if poss. Also can you arrange to see your BCN after the appt or can she sit in on appt with you. There is also a BCC booklet called something like BC and its treatment which has questions which you might like to ask. I know in the early days I did not always 'hear’things and my information processing ability was shot too.Not sure about the catarrh. The abbreviations take some getting used to. It took me ages to realise that lol meant laugh out loud and not lots of love although the latter did not fit in doh)))Take care Jackie
Tors
Thanks for the reassurance and the ideas to calm myself down.
i have rheumatoid arthritis as well, and i know these pains but suddenly they have become cancer
Defo need to go to the docs get some happy pills to manage me until thursday.
Otherwise i will be totally unable to understand anything that the docs say to me and will be a size zero - lol…
Jackie - thanks for the advice about asking the bcn to come into the appt with me. Means i will be able to get her to translate the docs, as i sometimes find it hard to understand them… My best friend is coming with me to the appt - she has got time off work, rearranged childcare etc - and she lost her mum to bc so she is being so gud to me… u learn who your friends really are!
Corinne
Corinne we posted at the same time at least you know what lol is))Vickie’s advise re the breathing is something I was also told. Breath in through your nose for a count of 4, pause and out through you nose for a count of 4 pause. It slows the breathing down which can speed up when we are anxious or panicky. I was also able to access relaxation class at a local Macmillan centre and wished I had known about it earlier. Can you ask about any complementary therapies that might be on offer too. Take Care Jackie
Corinne I would echo the breathing exercises advice. The count 4 in/out one is v similar to a yoga breathing exercise. I actually took up yoga towards the end of chemo, and have done it ever since (I am very un-sporty, but got on very well with this which can be done very gently). If you can get to a class, or something similar, you would probably find it helps.
Another (more complicated) breathing exercises I read in a book, and helps if I can’t get to sleep, goes something like: imagine your are breathing in slowly through your left toes, all the way up to your hip, the breathe out down through your leg out through your toes (yes, really! just focus on that leg). Do this 7 times, then swap to other leg. Then up through left leg down through right leg, then reverse - all 7 times. Then start on left fingers through to shoulder and down, then right arm, then up one arm , across chest, down through other etc, 7 times each. Then I think it moves on to spine, breathing up from base to head and down, then the last bit is the whole body from toes to head…except I never got there, was always asleep before I finished! It takes a long time but is very soothing
Sarah