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41

Hi,

Lymph node involvement seems very common and definitely doesn’t mean there is no hope. Even people with secondaries can live for a very long time with good treatment. My mother has recently been diagnosed with BC with lymph node involvement and she is being treated with masectomy and hormones. The doctors are very positive about her prognosis.

Try and eat little bits if you can’t manage a big meal. For some reason i find I can tolerate noodles during periods of grief, even if nothing else.

Thinking of you - it’s a tough time but hang in there, lots of people in same boat.

42

Thank you all for posts.

Having a really s**t time right now… couldnt sleep at all during the night, and now i am sitting here crying my eyes out.

My ex had the kids last night and is bring them back at lunchtime and i have absolutely now idea how i am going to cope with them.

My parents have just come round to help me, and i this all i have managed to do is upset my dad with my uncontrolable sobbing.

I am so sorry to post something like this on here as i know there are people who are worse off than me…

i have to vent it somewhere…

Corinne

43

Hi Corrine,

sorry that today is not a good day. However that is what we are here for. You can off load your fears to us as somewhere on this forum there is someone who will have been in exactly the same place as yourself.

Please eat a little something today and remember that you are a strong, empowered woman who can get through this. Also whilst your Dad maybe upset about how you arte feeling, never feel that you should hide your feelings because in the long run that could make you feel worse.
I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old have just finished my chemo and will be having a WLE on the 19 July> Whilst it has been hard it has been doaable.

I saw at the beginnig there was an issue with your GP refusing to prescribe a sleeping pill. Personally i would ring up your BCN tomorrow and speak to her and maybe your breast surgeon could give you something. In the beginning that was how mine was prescribed.

You have until lunchtime before your children come back could you ask your ex to keep them for an extra hour so you could have a nice long relaxing bath, amyve extra hour in bed

I think we bacome more sensitive to our bodies and every new ache/pain is th cancer spreading or it is getting worse. it is m ore than likely the aches and pains that we had before but as strong empowered women we would ignore and get on with our lives.

You are a fantastic woman and you will get through this. Today set yourself a small goal even if it is to go to shops and buy a newsppaper and fell proud of yourself. Tomorrow you get in contact with your bcn and you tell her your fears, sleeping issues and hopefully you will get some sound advice

Do you have a Cancer centre near you. Like Maggies or the Haven they are fantastic

Louise

44

Hi Corrine,

Just wanted to say hi, so sorry you are feeling bad today, i agree with Louise little bits at a time and feel proud of your self for doing it. It does seem totally overwhelming at times but it does get easier.

Lots of love and hope your day gets better.

Jayne xxx

45

Thank you both for your comments

I just cant seem to dig myself out of this very dark hole… and the pit in my stomach is getting bigger and bigger.

i am so scared that i missed the first signs of this thing and that it has spread throughout my body…

i try the breathing exercises but nothing works - i have no idea if there is a place near here… never had to use before!!!

How did you cope with your young children? I want to be with them so much but feel so hyper around them, was it the same for you?

I need something to calm me down just so i can get through the day in a normal manner for the kids, and the nights - well they are a living hell…

i understand that BC is the most curable cancer? does this mean they can even cure the bc that has gone to other areas? is that what the chemo does? Does lymph nodes being infected mean that i will be infected elsewhere? If the lymph nodes have taken elsewhere does that mean i will have a tumour elsewhere? I have soo many questions and this is what scares me, cant seem to get answers from any of the professionals which makes me think it is the worse poss dx and that i will not see my kids grow up!!

Corinne

46

Corrine,

I will tell you my story in 2008 dec time i found a lump, did the right thing got it checked out, referred to hosp core biopsies, mamogram etc, told everything ok you have lumpy boobs, blah blah blah come back in years time, exact same thing in 2009 told everything fine blah bl asked what i would like to do be discharged or have lump out. I asked for lump out and even after op on 18 Jan told it was ok, it was only a week later i was called back and told I had breast cancer. After all tests for staging mine had not spread it was Stage 2 with no lypm node involvement.

Whilst it is hard not too you need to hold onto some positives . You have 2 beautiful children your Mum and Dad are there for you

My earlier suggestion with regards to contacting your bcn she will have a ream of information with regards to local places of siupport it may not be Maggies or the Haven.

How long did you try the breathing exercises for, just the once you may need to keep doing them , is there any relaxtion classes near you. I am having a massage at maggies on Tues free of charge, look at alternative therapies like massage, and accupuncture

How is your relationship with your ex? have you discussed your bc with him. he may have to play a bigger role apart from when he has your children . I won’t deny having 2 young children and doing chemo is harbut i had help from my mum and dad, esp chemo weekend as that was when i was at my worse. They would take the boys so i rest.

Can you get some nytol or bach rescue remedy for today and that might make you feel less jittery.

With regards to your questions re bc, don’t think too far ahead. write down your questions when you feel less anxious and then you can ask your dr the questions thet next time you see them.

find one task to do today that you can do with your boys and enjoy

Louise

47

Hi Corinne, i had a large tumour and it had spread to my lymph nodes. I was given chemo to reduce the tumour before I had any operation and it reduced the tumour a great deal. I did survive to see my children grow up. But I remember feeling as scared as you are now…crying my eyes out…and thinking the worst. No-one can wave a magic wand to make you feel like you used to but I do think you need to ask for help just now. Either the Breast Care Nurese at the hospital…or your GP. If you want you can even request to see a different GP at your doctor’s surgery, someone who will understand just how you are feeling just now.
Someone mentioned the smell up their nose. It could be several things, nothing to do with cancer. It could be the amount of pollen just now and a nasal-spray from your doctor could help. Or it could be the fact that you are not eating and drinking enough? I am not doctor so these are only suggestions.
Is you ex partner any support to you during this difficult time? I do think you need someone just now to give you some support. My Mum and Dad didn’t cope either and I have a photo of my Mum and I around that time and she looks more depressed than I was. It is not easy for close family when they see someone they love have all this worry to deal with. They are probably as scared as you are just now. Keep posting on here. Someone will be around. But I do think you need to speak to someone prefessional who may be able to help you more. Take care, love Val

48

just to try to answer some of your questions (although I am not an expert, and you should take the list with you to see them or ring the bcc helpline)

i understand that BC is the most curable cancer?

  • I know that on the whole there are very high survival rates these days. better than most other cancers

does this mean they can even cure the bc that has gone to other areas?

  • yes, if the other area is lymph nodes

  • is that what the chemo does? - partly, it gets rid of stray cancer cells that might have drifted away from the tumour

-Does lymph nodes being infected mean that i will be infected elsewhere? - not necessarily, I and many other had infected nodes but nothing else, lymph nodes actually help to trap cells and stop them going further

If the lymph nodes have taken elsewhere does that mean i will have a tumour elsewhere? - I think this is the same ans wer as above

49

Hi corrine,

How has your day been?

Louise

50

Dear Corinne
I hardly ever come on this forum anymore, but saw your post and thought I would add my two pennyworth…

I was dx at the end of July last year (2009) and can’t believe almost a year has past since that dark and horrible time.

I did not have node involvement, but I don’t really think it makes as much difference as we are sometimes lead to believe.

I remember being just like you. I could not eat or sleep. I lost over a stone and went down to a size 6/8 ! I looked terrible.I got myself some Complan shakes to keep me going. I found the stawberry one was ok and I could manage it better if I sipped it very slowly through a straw. I know it is hard, but you must eat for the sake of your 2 little ones. I have 2 kids as well, a bit older than yours at 12 and 9 when I was dx. Maybe you have the odd moment where hunger sort of breaks through the anxiety/sick feeling ? I know I did. Seize on those moments to stuff your face !! Also try making some smoothies from fresh fruit and milk etc; your kids will probably love these as well!

If you lose too much weight I think they can delay your surgery as you won’t be strong enough to make a good recovery from it. So please, please try to eat !!!

I had to go on holiday the week after dx (it was all booked and paid for). I would not have got through this without Diazepam and sleeping tablets (Zopiclone). You must go back to your GP, or see a different one at the practice, and ask for something like this to help you. As a single mum, you need the strength from eating/sleeping to look after your kids. When on these tablets, I found my appetite came back and I was able to keep my strength up for the surgery.

When I went in for surgery, my ex had the kids for a week to give me time to recover. He took them away on holiday so they had their minds taken off it all.

You won’t believe me Corinne, but it really does get easier. As time goes by and you don’t actually die, you kind of get used to the shock, so that it is no longer a shock…does that make any sense??

I am now almost a year on. I have gone back to work, moved house and hardly ever think about Breast Cancer. You will be the same in a year and will most probably be on here helping others newly dx.

Sending you a big hug ((((()))))

Anna xxxxx

Let us know how you get on . PLease PM me if it helps at all.

51

Anna that was a lovely reply you gave to Corinne. Isn’t it strange how things can change and that you can learn to live with devestating news and get on with you life again. When you are newly diagnosed you think that your life has come to an end…and it hasn’t.
Corrine, I am recommending a banana milk shake to build up your strength and you can get the kids involved too. Very simple, a couple of bananas, full milk, and a large dollop of icecream ( a dash of vanilla extract if you like that), whisk together either in liquidiser or a braun stick thingy. This milkshake is full of goodness and easy to swallow when you do not feel like eating. A straw helps too. In fact it soiunds so good I may jusy go and make one for myself. How are you today Corrine ? Love Val

52

hi corrinne

I am worried about how you are doing, please post. You sound like you will have a busy day tomorrow with gp and bcn to talk to. I spoke to the helpline here too when i was in the darkest places, the lady was lovely and really did help. I also remember now that i took nytol a few times too and it helped, would agree that that would bea good temporary solution for tonight,

take care
Vickie
xxx

53

Hi Corinne,
So sorry to hear that you are having a rough time. I found my lump on 28.05.10, saw the specialist on 09.06.10 and was told there and then I had cancer, they didn’t need to wait for the biopsy results as it was obvious from the ultrascan and mammogram! Like most people I already suspected the worst so was relieved when she said that it was totally treatable.This sounds daft but I actually took strength from this and became determined to beat it. My boys are 5 and 8 and their father can’t cook so I am going nowhere!

The results on 16.06.10 show Grade 1, oestrogen supplied lump and it’s coming out on Thursday, with sentinel lobe thingy then radio/chemo.

If it helps I told my children that Mummy has a baddie in her boob which the dr is going to cut out. Then just in caes there are any naughty baddies left they are going to shoot them with a Ben 10 laser gun or poison them. But the poison doesn’t like hair so it gets spat out. They are both really chilled about the whole thing and are going on Club Penguin to buy me a wig! Bless.

It is going to be a rocky old road for a few months but you need to stay focused and determined to win the battle. My mantra is live through it not die from it.I know its tricky but you CAN do it!

Stay strong.
Love Andi

54

Thanks Val…I so related to how she is feeling ! It’s terrible when you can’t eat. The banana smoothie is exactly what I used to make for myself !
I remember going out for a pub lunch with my mum and dad and other family members. I was trying to eat so as not to worry them. I had a jacket potato and just about managed 2 forkfuls. Then my dad got me some strawberries and cream, bless him . I almost threw up trying to eat it.

Corinne, please believe it is not physically possible for this horrible shock feeling to last forever. A psychiatric doctor told me that, so I know it’s a fact !!

Anna XX

55

Corinne just wondered how you were doing. I have no answers to your queries but would echo what Sarah AL said about the lymph nodes. Lots of us had/ have lymph nodes and that is why we get everything thrown at us, ie. chemoIt does not mean that the BC has spread.Hope the appetite improves whether you have surgery or chemo first you need to keep up your strength and especially for your little ones. Hope all goes well with your GP tomorrow and that your dad can help there too. Just after I was dx ( just before Christmas 2009) I was so anxious etc that I was in almost unbearable physical pain and that is how you sound. Eventually my brain could not sustain that and it lessened I think that echoes what Anna’s psychiatrist friend said. Also lost my appetite despite all the tempting goodies around with it being Christmas.Do keep posting and hope all goes well tomorrow.Jackie x

56

Thanks guys for all your posts

Dont want to go on too much, but my day has not been gud…

Still having several panic attacks, and suddenly cant get my breath, which in my mind means i have cancer of the lungs!!

My parents have been with me all day, i think they are trying to calm me down, i took myself off to bed for a bit, but ended up just lying there having cold sweats… so much for the lovely summer day euh!!

My ex has stayed all afternoon to help look after the kids, but i am so hyper - everyone just keeps on telling me i will be okay, but this just doesnt seem to go past my ears - which hear it but dont transmit it to the brain…

To make things worse i have now found a lump on my knee… this again gives me the chills. any ideas?

I am so sorry to go on about this, i defo need something to calm me down… hope the docs do their job tomorrow…

Theres to the rest of the night, gonna be another long one

Thanks for all the thoughts and hugs you are all sending me…

Corinne

57

Hi Corinne

It is good to hear that you have your family and friends are supporting and the children through this difficult time.

Good luck with the doctor tomorrow and don’t leave until he is giving you the help you need and deserve at the moment. Let us know how it goes and I do hope you get some rest tonight. When you haven’t slept for days it is so difficult to get a decent sleep. Belive me it will get easier.

Lots of love Anne x

58

hi corinne

sorry today has been hell for you, i promise it will pass but its horrific going through it. Could you phone your out of hours gp for a visit or go there tonight? When you are tired it is harder to cope and things feel much worse, its a chicken and egg situation. Maybe you could get something decent to knock you out tonight. Try breathing in the paper bag for your panic attacks, it helped me. Where abouts are you in the country?

Vickie

59

Hi Corrine,

I’m sorry your day has not been good, however I’m glad that you have had some support.

Do not worry about your knee.I think you need to be honest with your family and ask for help , even if it means your ex playing a bigger role, it is only temporary. These panic attacks are just that panic attacks. They are a fear that you cannot rationalise. we all fear stuff but it is how we deal with that fear. Tomorrow y have you need to be firm with regards to asking for something to help you sleep and also talk about your fears and how they are impacting on life. If you have a cancer centre near you find it and utilise this.you will be able to accesss alternative therapies. Also when you have your treatment plan it will make things a little easier.

Aslo the banana smoothie is a good idea, andif you can’t sleep come on here during the night and someone will answer you.

Louise

60

Hi Corinne, Hope you have managed to get the children in bed and some time for yourself, you have had so many possitive messages you must take the time to read everyone.
Have you tried eating anything yet? perhaps a little toast, or whatever you feel like. just as long as you have something. You have your children to get up for in the morning, and hopefully by then you will have had something to eat and a few hours sleep.

I remember those early days, when l did go to sleep l would wake in sheer panic, but it will get easier as you get a plan started on your treatment, and getting your life back together, just such a dreadful shock for you.

So sorry to hear you are by yourself in this, hopefully your oh is good and will help with the children.

You don’t need me to tell you how much support you will get from this forum

Take care Corinne, and stop looking for every little lump and bump! probably an ingrowing hair! as for your lungs! l am sure they are fine, ‘suddenly cant get my breath’ as you say ‘still having serveral panic attacks’ you are stressed!!
Take it easy
Sandra xxx