Hi, im hoping for some encouraging words and advice. I find myself single again after my partner walked out. Im not ready to date yet but the thought terrifies me. How could i possibly be intimate with somebody when im not happy with my own body? what if it disgusts somebody when they see my scars? and when do you actually tell somebody what youve gone/going through? Im very upfront and brutally honest so instincts tell me to tell everybody right from the start but would appreciate some words of wisdom from others who have been on the dating scene post mx.
many thanks
Deed
x
Hi Deed,
I am not in the same situation, I just wanted to send some encouragement to you xxx
I am fortunate not to be single, (coming up to my 25th W.A) but I wanted to say that I think one has to be happy with ones own body so that your personality is what attracts a potential partner to be. I know this can be difficult as I too had a mastectomy and recon, then reduction and uplift to achieve symmetry and then nipple recon. I am not happy with the reduction as I feel it is too big still and am definately NOT happy with my body image. I keep moaning to such an extent I wonder why my OH stays with me LOL but I am so depressed with what has happened at times and then I think myself lucky that the cancer has gone. My OH is sooooo aupportive I just hope that my body image improves soon so that we can both move forward together. When you find a new partner and you will, someone that you deserve, I am sure that it will all fall into place and that life will then begin for the 2 of you and they will love you for you and not just for your body. Don’t give up hope, there is always someone out there for you, it might just be a case of time, both for the right partner and for you to become happy with your body - scars and all. Maybe trying to view them as the “proud battle scars” that have enable you to beat this c**p disease might help.
I now have to learn how to support as my OH is being investigated for prostate cancer. Will this year ever come to a close???
Hope these words were of some help, life will get better - it just has to for all of us!!!
Marjay xxxx
Hi, thanks for the advice ladies. I know what you say is right and when i have my “common sense” head on I can see all that. I guess confidence has taken a blow and cant see why somebody would find me attractive minus my boobs - they were the only part of me that I was actually happy with before the BC hit!
Think I need to just take baby steps back into the dating scene and one day at a time!
deed
x
Hi Deed,
You say your boobs were the only part of you that you were happy with before bc?
Well l think you should put your common sense head back on, because you have a beautiful face, your boobs might have been the be all and end all.
But now ‘you’ have to see yourself as beautiful, it is the person within the body that someone falls in love with, someone might find your body beautiful, but that person won’t marry you! The person that marries you will be in love with you for who you are and not what you are!
Hugs
Sandra xxx
Thanks Sandra - I sound pathetic dont I? and what a stupid thing to worry about after everything Ive been through. I guess now I can see an end in site (got recon 10th sept) Im now wondering about my future…
thanks for advice ladies.
deed
x
Hi Deed.
Oh l really hope l didn’t make you feel as though you were pathetic!! certainly didn’t mean to!
Just wanted you to know while you are worrying about the important parts of your body, other people see past that.
If l were years younger and didn’t have a husband/partner, l would be just the same as you! so l am a bit of a hypocrite really!! just wanted you to know there is so much more of you than your boobs.
Hope the recon goes well, September will soon come! fingers and everything crossed for your future…we will always worry about that! As my dear breast friend always says to me ‘one step at a time’ easier said than done, as she well knows, but she still says it to me, as l do to others
Love
Sandra xxx